she told him. “Turns out I have a bladder infection, for one thing. And she thought as Gretchen is so sick, she could work it out so that I can stay for another day.”
“Oh.” Was that a flash of disappointment in his eyes? “Well, it’s good that you can be close to Grace and Gretchen for another day.”
“Are you ready to see the girls?” she asked, swinging her legs out of bed. “My milk has come in, so I was able to nurse Grace this morning, but Gretchen had to settle for tube feedings.”
“Sure.” He smiled again, and took her hand as they went down the hall toward the nursery.
When they arrived, though, Dr. Downer was standing in front of Gretchen’s isolette with his stethoscope dangling from around his neck, discussing something intently with a nurse. Her stomach clenched in warning.
“Something’s wrong,” she murmured.
Jadon gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Maybe not. It’s possible she’s doing better and they’re discussing taking off the mask.”
“Maybe.” But she didn’t think so. For one thing, Dr. Downer’s expression seemed too serious. And so was Renee’s.
“Hi, Alyssa, Jadon,” Louis greeted them when they came closer. “You’re just in time. We’ve been discussing Gretchen’s breathing.”
Alyssa’s mouth went dry. “Is there something wrong? Isn’t the CPAP mask helping her lungs?”
“It’s helping,” Louis said hesitantly, “but I’m not sure it’s helping enough. Her chest X-ray this morning doesn’t look much better and her pulse ox is hanging in the low nineties.” He shook his head. “I’d like to see her oxygen percentage up higher than that.”
The knot in her stomach tightened. “How?”
“First we’re going to give her a few breathing treatments and another dose of IV antibiotics.”
“And if that doesn’t work?” Jadon asked.
“Then we’d need to place a breathing tube in her lungs and put her on a ventilator,” Louis admitted. “We’ll try to hold off, using the breathing tube as a last resort. And if we do put it in, we probably won’t need to keep it in very long. I promise we’ll take it out the moment Gretchen doesn’t need it anymore.”
Alyssa didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want Gretchen to have the breathing tube; she knew there were all sorts of potential complications that went along with it. Yet not having enough oxygen in her blood available to all her vital organs like her heart, brain and kidneys could also create problems.
“Can I hold her for a while?” she asked Renee.
“Sure, but keep her in the isolette if you can.”
Holding Gretchen in the palms of her hands wasn’t nearly as rewarding as holding her against her heart, but she was determined to spend as much time with Gretchen as possible.
Renee and Louis left them alone. Alyssa found she couldn’t tear her eyes away from Gretchen, her brain already imagining what she’d look like with a breathing tube in.
“You can’t ignore Grace,” Jadon chided. “I know Gretchen is sick, but Grace deserves your love and attention, too.”
His slightly accusing, brusque tone grated on her nerves. “I was here this morning, nursing Grace. You’re the one who went home last night. Don’t lecture me. If anyone hasn’t been spending enough time with Grace, it’s you.”
For a long moment antagonistic tension shimmered in the air between them.
Jadon turned away first, letting out a harsh breath and plowing his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I have no right to lecture you.”
His apology caught her off guard, and she realized this was their first fight. Ever. When Jadon had left so unexpectedly, she hadn’t been given a chance to argue with him. You had to care about something, have feelings to argue.
She was inexplicably encouraged by his outburst. He’d proved he wasn’t as emotionally distant from the situation with Gretchen as she’d thought.
“It’s okay,” she said slowly. “I shouldn’t have snapped. I guess I’ve been on edge lately, too.”
Jadon nodded. “We both have. Obviously there’s been a lot to deal with in a very short period of time.”
They took turns holding the girls, switching the babies, declaring a wordless truce to support each other during this time of crisis. Jadon seemed less remote after their disagreement.
Alyssa hoped that surviving their first fight was a good sign of their evolving relationship. Fighting meant having feelings.
Maybe there was hope for their future after all.
ALYSSA and Jadon both stayed in the nursery until almost midnight again, relieved when Gretchen seemed to be holding her own on the CPAP mask.
So far she hadn’t needed a breathing tube and Alyssa could only hope and pray that Gretchen was on the cusp of doing better, her pneumonia clearing up so she soon wouldn’t need assistance with her breathing at all.
She was glad Jadon had decided to stay with her this time, instead of going home. Even if the recliner did look awfully uncomfortable.
When she finally awoke the next morning, she was distressed to see Jadon was already gone. Was he visiting the babies? Or had he left to run home?
She missed him. Sleeping beside him, being held by him when she’d been upset about Gretch. He’d been a rock during this very emotionally draining time. So far he wasn’t giving her the impression he was going to cut and run when things got tough.
How on earth had she imagined she’d be able to raise these two girls by herself? Especially given that she’d had the twins prematurely? Who else would she have leaned on when Gretchen had got sick?
Her friends? Seth and Kylie? Maybe, but not likely. Not the way she’d leaned on Jadon.
And how had her mother managed?
She had no idea. Her mother was more of a saint than she’d given her credit for.
After climbing out of bed, she hurried down to the nursery to attempt to breast-feed Grace. She’d expected to see Jadon there, but he’d been in and had already gone. Trying not to be disappointed, she rocked and fed Grace, silently acknowledging that maybe she hadn’t been entirely fair in her assessment of her mother’s ability to adapt to being a single mother.
It wasn’t exactly her mother’s fault that she hadn’t attended college. Her mother had fallen pregnant during her first year of college and had been forced to drop out of her classes. She’d tried going back for evening sessions, but had stopped altogether when Alyssa’s oh, so charming father had disappeared from the picture for good.
Maybe
