the old days.’ His sparkling eyes belied his self-critical tone. ‘A pre-baby workaholic. Now I’m in training to be the best daddy ever.’ His voice roughened over the last sentence, and the sparkle dimmed a little.
Alina covered his hand with hers. ‘You will be, Ethan. You’ll be everything they’d want their child to have in a father.’
‘And mother.’
She jerked her hand away. He caught it.
‘There won’t be any other. I sure as hell won’t marry again just to provide maternal comfort or for the public two-parent image. I’ve learned from experience how a marriage held together purely for society standing can influence a child.’
That was why he’d have no problem letting her go, would never try to persuade her to stay.
There was no justification for the dejection that washed over her. No reason for the retort that burst from her.
‘Louise turned out fine. She was generous, warm-hearted and open. Even through her medical traumas there was always a genuine welcome for anyone at their home. You know how everyone loved her because she was...was...she was Louise.’
‘And I’m not like her?’ He released her hand, picked up his spoon.
‘I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant.’
‘No, but it’s true. She never changed from the sweet, wide-eyed creature the nanny at the time put into my arms when I was five. She grabbed my finger, gurgled, and I immediately forgave her for not being the brother I wanted.’
His light laughter was tinged with remorse.
‘I wish I’d been as courageous as her—constantly rebelling against the rigid conformity of our upbringing, openly making friends with people she liked, whether they were deemed acceptable or not. My way was quiet avoidance rather than personal confrontation.’
‘You kept Leon’s friendship, and championed them when they wanted to marry.’
He huffed. ‘My parents didn’t like that. I don’t think they’ve forgiven me for supporting Louise’s declaration that she’d happily have a park wedding without them. Not the “done thing” in their circle. It would have been embarrassing, so they capitulated.’
‘Do you see them regularly?’
‘We have little in common—different standards. They’d like me to be more involved in their close-knit elite group. I dislike the way they boast about my success to elevate their own status. They are, however, the only parents I have, so we maintain a polite relationship.’
He ate for a moment, eyes downcast. Pondering. Then looked up and spoke with determination.
‘Forget them for now. Cutting down my office hours is essential to my being available for appointments right now, and planning for our baby in the future. So I’ve been reorganising my staff.’
‘You’re delegating?
‘Even better—I’ve promoted. My second-in-command now has two assistant managers. Between the three of them they’ll take most of the day-to-day load off me. By the time our baby comes everything should be working smoothly enough for me to take paternity leave.’
‘Decision made. Action taken. Problem solved.’
‘You don’t approve?’ He sounded disappointed.
‘I do. Very much. It’s so much a part of who you are. And it’s been a long time since I’ve felt secure enough to depend on anyone for anything.’
She was paying him a compliment, saying what he should want to hear. Ethan shouldn’t feel aggrieved, but he did. She admitted to trusting and relying on him—both important to their relationship. But he wanted something different, something more. Something indefinable.
He pushed back his chair, picked up his bowl.
‘I’ll clear. You head off,’ Alina said, buttering a piece of cold toast.
‘Okay. I should be home early afternoon. Did you buy bathers?’
‘Yes, haven’t worn them yet.’
He hadn’t used the gym since Sunday. Or the pool since Tuesday evening, after their talk. He was normally a creature of habit and liked his routine, which included daily exercise and swimming early morning or evening. The less disruption, the less stress. If she worked out at the same time he’d know she was okay. It would be a start to getting his life back in control.
‘How about when I get home? We’ll work out, then swim.’
Her face lit up. ‘That sounds good.’
He went to his room, planning a positive day. A few minutes later he collected his briefcase from his study, and left.
* * *
Alina ate her toast and honey, mulling over her every encounter with Ethan. She’d developed a habit of deep thinking over people and situations during her solitary lifestyle. Sometimes she created fictional stories about them in her mind to pass the time.
This was real. The attraction between them was real—had been since the moment she’d turned from that window. She could understand her reactions. Suddenly thrown into enforced proximity with an attractive, virile man after seven years alone... Pregnant, with rampant hormones playing havoc with her emotions...
His puzzled her. She appreciated the need for them to give the impression they’d been lovers, so kissing was essential. The first kiss had been experimental, to judge her response, the second for show. The others... She wasn’t sure. Yet she’d sensed tension in him every time—right from the initial touch of his lips on hers. As if he was keeping a tight rein on his actions. Or on emotions he claimed not to have.
She sipped her camomile tea, pulled a face. Cold toast was okay—cold tea was not drinkable. It was time to get cracking.
She clicked on the kettle, cleared the table and set herself up for a morning’s exploration of the internet.
* * *
The sound of the front door opening had Alina’s head swinging round. A quick check of her watch surprised her. Ten to three. How could it be that late?
‘Hi, you’ve set yourself up pretty well, there. Good use of the dining table.’
How did this man’s smile make a good day seem brighter?
‘Better than leaning over the coffee table. Did you get what you wanted done?’
‘Finally—it took longer than I’d hoped.’ He leant over her shoulder to check her screen. ‘Agassi Falls? Planning a trip, Alina?’
‘Just having fun surfing,’ she replied. ‘I checked out some courses, then spent some time finding out what all the icons stand for.’
‘I trust you’ve been taking breaks and eating properly?’ Banana peel lay in a small dish, alongside an empty mug on the table.
‘Yes,
