Jennifer wouldn’t ask why because what could Abi say?
I have a conflict of interest. She might be the daughter of my ex-lover. My married ex-lover. My dead ex-lover.
But of course Jennifer did ask why. ‘Why? Her mother phoned and specifically asked to see you,’ she said.
Why would she ask for her by name? Abi wondered. What was going on? What did she know?
‘Anyway,’ Jennifer continued when Abi stayed mute, ‘Damien is in surgery and Nicolette and her mother are already here. They’re waiting for you,’ she said, as if that ended the issue.
But Abi knew it was far from over. It was only just beginning. Unless it was a different Nicolette Farrington? That was her only hope.
She read through the referral letter on the screen, forcing herself to focus on the important facts and the patient’s history as she tried to ignore her nerves. The patient had sustained facial injuries in a motor-vehicle accident three months ago. She had fractured her eye socket, cheekbone, nose and jaw. She had been put back together but the initial focus had been on making sure she survived, not making sure she looked the same as before. And apparently she didn’t. This was a reconstructive surgery case and one that Abi would normally be excited about, but it was difficult to be excited when she felt like vomiting.
Still hopeful that she was panicking over nothing, she knew there was only one way to find out. She stood up from her desk, crossed the floor and opened the door.
It was her. Them.
There was no mistaking mother and daughter. She recognised them both, even though she had only seen them once before, at Mark’s funeral. But they were regular visitors in her dreams and the real-life versions looked identical to her guilt-induced, night-time visions.
They looked up as they heard the door open and Abi felt her heart stop as Mark’s pale blue eyes looked directly at her. Nikki’s eyes were identical to her father’s, the same shape and exactly the same shade, pale blue framed by thick dark lashes. It was like looking at Mark all over again, except a younger, damaged version. Abi hoped her own shock wasn’t written all over her face. She wasn’t shocked at the damage to Nikki’s bone structure but Nikki wouldn’t know that. She didn’t want her potential patient to think she was shocked by her appearance.
But the surprise of seeing Mark’s eyes looking back at her rendered her immobile for a few seconds before she came to her senses. Before she was able to ignore the colour of Nikki’s eyes, to ignore the fact that she had dark hair like her father’s, although his had been sprinkled with salt and pepper, before she was able to look at the whole person.
This wasn’t the girl Abi remembered from the funeral. There were few similarities between this girl and the one she recalled. She had been a pretty girl but the right side of her face looked completely different now. Her facial injuries must have been extensive or perhaps she had simply been badly managed. There was no correlation between the two halves of her face, between right and left. It was as if two different people had been put together to make one. Her face was lopsided, her nose was crooked, her right cheekbone was depressed and her right eye drooped.
Abi began to examine Nikki from a distance, looking at her face shape and bone structure and working out how she could fix her. She forgot about Mark. She forgot about his connection to this young woman. All she saw before her now was a girl who needed her help.
She swallowed her nerves and worries. Her professional mask slipped into place, hiding her own fears and insecurities. ‘Nicolette? I’m Dr Thompson. Would you like to come through?’
Abi managed to get through the beginning of the consultation by sticking to the script. She introduced herself to Nikki’s mother, Tanya, Mark’s widow, terrified she was going to start making accusations, but Tanya didn’t mention Mark and Abi relaxed. She got Nikki’s history and made an effort to focus on her; she couldn’t afford to dwell on Mark. The sins of the father were not Nikki’s fault or her problem.
She made notes about Nikki’s medical and surgical management post-accident, listing the issues Nikki reported—difficulty with eating and talking—and her concerns about her appearance. She listened to her say she just wanted to be normal. Abi could relate to that. Some people had external scars, others internal, but in the end everyone just wanted to be accepted, and for a young woman appearance was important. Abi got that and she would do her best to help.
Abi typed Nikki’s information into her computer, aware that Tanya was watching her closely. ‘Have we met?’ she asked.
‘No,’ Abi answered quickly, almost abruptly, and hoped Tanya didn’t hear the strain in her voice. She wasn’t telling a lie. Abi had seen them at Mark’s funeral but his betrayal had stunned her and she had avoided them. She had left as soon as she’d realised, not wanting to stay until the end, not wanting to make any accidental eye contact with Mark’s widow. She’d been terrified her guilt and shame and anger would have been written across her face for anyone to see.
The fear that she’d managed to put to one side after seeing Nikki’s name on her list returned with Tanya’s question. How had Tanya ended up here, in her consulting room? How had she found her? Was it a simple coincidence or was there more to it? Did she know something she wasn’t telling Abi? Was she deliberately stirring the pot?
Abi couldn’t ask—to do so would admit she’d known Mark and invite a whole lot of questions she wasn’t prepared, or probably equipped, to answer. It was better to feign ignorance. She could treat Nikki without ever having to reveal her connection, her history, with Nikki’s father and Tanya’s husband.
Did that make her as deceitful as Mark?
No, it didn’t. It couldn’t. Mark’s lies had destroyed Abi but that didn’t mean she wanted to do the same to his family. There was no point in saying anything now. There was nothing to be gained. To speak up would only hurt people. Keeping quiet was the best option, the only option, in Abi’s mind.
She was aware of Tanya still watching her, studying her closely, and it made her feel uncomfortable. In an attempt to distract her, she moved on to discuss the process for the surgery.
‘I will need some time to plan the surgery. I’ll need to take measurements and photos of Nikki’s face and if you have some photos of Nikki from before the accident that would be helpful. Did my secretary ask you for those when you booked the appointment?’
Tanya nodded and hoisted her handbag onto her lap and pulled out a large envelope. ‘I brought some with us.’ She passed the envelope to Abi, who shook the photos out onto her desk.
She felt herself go pale as she picked up the first picture. It was a family photo, a snapshot of Tanya, her two daughters and her husband. The resemblance between Nicolette and her father was even more obvious in this picture.
Mark had turned fifty when they had been in Afghanistan. Abi could remember the long weekend they’d had on leave shortly after, the weekend they had spent in Prague, celebrating. This picture must have been taken around the same time, some time in the past twelve months at least. Mark looked just as she remembered him. His dark hair had been greying slightly, starting at the temples where it had turned silver. He had carried a bit of extra weight but had been in great shape. He had looked vital, alive, robust. He didn’t look like the Mark she saw in her dreams. This wasn’t the Mark who had lain on the ground in the middle of a panicking crowd, bleeding onto the street, or the man whose life had drained out of him while she had tried in vain to save him.
In this photograph,
