did you know?’ she asked.
‘You’re in all these photos. And I know Mark. You weren’t the first and I would guess you wouldn’t have been the last,’ she continued. ‘I knew Mark had affairs.’
‘You knew?’
‘I didn’t know about you specifically, you were just another in a long line, I expect, and I had learnt to turn a blind eye.’
‘Didn’t it bother you?’
Tanya shrugged. ‘As far as I was aware, his affairs were always conducted when he was away from home. I figured as long as it didn’t affect the girls I could put up with it. I could have asked for a divorce but I didn’t, for the sake of the girls. It was easier just to get on with my life and ignore what he got up to when he was away. He always came home to us and I always let him. That was my choice.’
Tanya didn’t sound angry or upset. If Abi had to describe how she sounded, she would have said resigned, but it was Abi who was surprised. Of everything she had expected, imagined, this sense of resignation wasn’t it.
‘Only this time he didn’t come home.’ The words were out of Abi’s mouth before she could stop them. Harsh words, she spoke the truth, but she hadn’t meant to voice her opinion.
‘He should have been more careful.’ Tanya reached out her hand and her fingers traced the line of Mark’s face in one of the photos that lay on the desk. ‘I guess he didn’t expect to die over there.’
Abi didn’t tell her that he would have expected that. They all had. Tanya didn’t need to hear that. She had loved her husband—that was clearly obvious. She didn’t need to hear the details.
‘I couldn’t save him,’ Abi said in reply. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘You were there?’
She nodded.
‘What happened?’
‘What did the army tell you?’ Abi wasn’t sure if she could bear to vocalise the truth of that fateful day. Talking to Damien was one thing but it was something quite different to tell Mark’s widow the cold, hard facts. She didn’t want her to have the same nightmares she had. Someone who was emotionally invested in Mark didn’t need to hear the details. She didn’t need the truth.
‘Not much,’ Tanya replied. ‘They said it was a bomb and that he died instantly. But if you were there...’ Her voice trailed off and Abi knew what she was thinking. She was wondering how Abi had survived.
Abi knew the army would have been as kind as they could when they’d informed Mark’s family of his death. She agreed there was no need to go into the details of his suffering—to tell Tanya that Mark had died in her arms, that he’d been unable to speak and unable to breathe. That she had listened to his last breath, had seen it bubble out of his chest and leave his lips. She nodded. ‘That’s what happened.’
‘But you were all right?’
Did Tanya think that was unfair? Abi couldn’t blame her but she couldn’t argue with the facts. Abi had survived, although not without scars, both physical and emotional. ‘I was injured but not badly. Mark was nearer to the explosion.’
Tanya sat on the chair in front of Abi’s desk and Abi could almost see the strength seeping out of her. She had obviously been fighting to hold it all together. Was it still for the sake of her daughters or was it her way of coping? Abi didn’t know but that made her think of the reason Tanya was even in her office in the first place. Nicolette.
Considering how things stood now, would they still choose her as Nicolette’s surgeon? She imagined this might be enough to persuade them otherwise. How would she explain that to Damien? He had agreed to assist her with the surgery—how could she tell him that the surgery wouldn’t be going ahead because she’d had an affair with the patient’s father?
Her first concern wasn’t how she would explain this to James and Freya, how she would tell them that she had lost them business, but how she would break the news to Damien. What would he think?
‘Do you want me to find someone else to do Nikki’s surgery?’ Abi asked. There was no delicate way of asking that question.
‘Can you do it?’
‘Yes.’
‘Will your feelings about Mark or me or Nikki affect your process?’
Abi’s only feelings towards Mark now were anger and betrayal. She knew she needed to let that go and she was in the process of doing so, but she would make sure her feelings would not affect Nikki’s care. She was a professional, an expert. At least in a surgical sense she was, even if all other areas of her life were a shambles, this was something she knew she could do and do well. Medicine was all she had. ‘Not at all,’ she said. ‘I always give one hundred per cent. What happened between Mark and me has nothing to do with Nikki. She will get the best possible care and outcome I can give her.’ This would be her way of making amends.
Tanya was nodding. ‘Good. I don’t want to find someone else. Nikki liked you. She felt comfortable and you were recommended to us. We are still struggling to come to terms with Mark’s death and Nikki’s accident has just made matters worse. I’m used to being on my own and taking care of the girls, but there’s a lot more going on than normal.
‘Things have changed. In the past I always knew that Mark would come home or I could pick up the phone and discuss issues with him. I can’t do that any more. I have to be able to manage on my own. If I can get one thing back on track, perhaps it will help us to feel as if we will be okay. This is important to Nikki. I don’t think she will cope with another setback. The girls are all I have left. Everything I do, everything I have ever done has been for them.’
Tanya had straightened her shoulders as she’d spoken, as she prepared herself to fight on her daughter’s behalf, and listening to her made Abi wish she’d had someone who would have fought like that for her.
‘I’ll do my best for her,’ Abi promised.
Tanya was a strong woman and, ironically, Abi thought she could probably take a leaf out of her book. She could learn to stare adversity in the face, to not back down, to not be afraid.
But, then, Tanya had something to fight for. She had her daughters.
What did she have?
Abi saw Tanya out of her office. She opened the door and found Damien poised on the threshold. In the shock of Tanya’s disclosure Abi had forgotten about their meeting. She turned around and Damien followed. To her dismay, the first thing she saw when she turned were Tanya’s photos spread across her desk. She hadn’t thought to pack them away, she hadn’t known what to do with them. She didn’t want to keep them, she didn’t even want to look at them, but to sweep them off her desk and into a drawer would only draw Damien’s attention to them. She would have to stack them in a pile and get rid of them later, but before she could gather them together Damien had reached over and picked one up. It was one of Abi in uniform.
Abi held her breath while he looked it over.
He pointed at Mark. ‘Who’s this?’
‘Mark Farrington.’
‘Your
