looked down at his feet, shoved his hands in his pockets, then pulled them out again. He seemed nervous. She had never seen him like this before. It was an unsettling sight. At the same time it warmed her heart and showed a side of him that was vulnerable in a way she did not know he could be.
She found herself fidgeting as well, playing with her keys and fumbling with the strap of her purse on her shoulder.
“I lied the other night. I was a being a coward. A coward and a liar. I would completely understand if you never wanted to talk to me again, but I just need to tell you the truth.”
She said nothing, just nodded her head for him to continue. She was all ears.
“I was afraid.” He still looked down at his feet, avoiding eye contact. “I was afraid that if I told you the truth that I would lose you.”
“Lose me? You could never lose me, unless you push me away.” Then again, he had lost her in a way, even if it was temporary.
His hands went back in his pockets.
This whole scene was beginning to make her nervous, too. Especially with how nervous he was acting right now. “What truth are you talking about?”
He lifted his head, the full force of his gray eyes enveloping her under his spell. It was as if he summoned all his courage and took a deep breath. His eyes dropped to her lips, then back up to her eyes.
“Micah...” It came out as a breath, barely a whisper. Her name on his lips said more to her than anything else. The one word was filled with so much emotion and reverence, and so many unknowns.
“Drew called me right before the accident. We were arguing when he lost control.”
She gasped, her hand covering her open mouth. “Oh, Josh.”
He didn’t look up. She wanted so badly to comfort him, but stopped herself. He needed to say this. He needed to get it out. She knew all too well the powerful grip that grief could have on you. He had to release it.
“He was angry with me. Over you. I shouldn’t have... I wish I had... I’m sorry, Mike.”
She could see it in his eyes. He had carried the weight of guilt, blaming himself for the accident. She went to him then, wrapped her arms around his waist, leaned her head on his chest. “Why are you apologizing? It was an accident, Josh. It wasn’t your fault.”
She felt the tension slowly ease from his shoulders. He pulled back from her enough to look into her eyes. “Your name was the last thing he said. I promised him I would take care of you. Maybe I took that job a little too seriously. I don’t know.”
He pulled away completely, walked to the end of the hallway then back. “I’ve tried. You have to believe me. I’ve tried so hard to keep my promise to him. I built a wall around you to keep you safe, even from me, but you scaled it. I just wanted to protect you. And I realized it was never about the promise. It was you. It’s always been you. You grabbed hold of my heart and I can’t let you go. Something keeps pulling me back to you. You have a hold on me that I can’t seem to break—that I don’t want to break.”
“What are you saying?”
“Micah—” his eyes dropped to her lips again “—I need you to kiss me.” Josh stepped closer, but not close enough. “I need to feel your lips against mine. I need to taste you one more time. I can’t go another moment without kissing you again.”
Frozen, unable to move, she stood there as he inched closer to her still. His head dipped low, coming in close to hers without touching, his lips only a breath away from her own. She felt the warm rush of air, the sweet smell of his breath as he hovered over her mouth.
Ever the gentleman when it came to her, she knew he wouldn’t kiss her without her approval. If this kiss was going to happen, she had to be the one to make that final step. She only needed to lean forward; he was less than an inch away. But once that happened, it meant there was no going back to the way things were.
She didn’t ever want to go back to that.
Without a second thought, she closed the gap and pressed her lips home. She poured every ounce of emotion she had into the kiss, holding nothing back. If they were going to do this, really do this, then he needed to know how she truly felt. His lips molded to hers as if they were made to be together.
He slowly began to pull back. She did not want it to end, but knew the kiss was growing in intensity. Maybe the hallway outside her front door was not the best place for this to happen. His hands came around to gently grasp her forearms, pulling her hands away from his chest. His fingers slid down her arms until he had her hands within his at their sides. He placed several small kisses to her lips, as if needing to end the kiss but not being able to find the strength to do it.
“Micah.” He said her name against her lips. That had to be the sexiest thing she had ever experienced. Granted, her sexy experiences were limited.
“Hmm.” It was the only response she could manage at this moment.
“I love you.”
Her eyes snapped open. “You do?”
“Yes.” He still had not completely pulled away. He took their intertwined hands and wrapped his arms around her, forcing her hands back as well. “Sorry I was such an idiot and was too afraid to say it before. I was a coward.”
“Coward is that last word I would ever use to describe you.” She pulled back to see his face in full while he talked, to be able to read his eyes. “What were you so scared of?”
“Many things. I was scared that you would blame me for Drew’s death...”
“Never.”
“The thought of losing you scared me the most, but stupidly, I almost lost you, anyway. I knew when you kissed me the night of the snowstorm that I was in deep trouble. That there was no way I was getting out of this unscathed. That was frightening.”
“You mean the morning after the snowstorm. We kissed in the snow, not the night before.”
“We kissed the night before and the next morning. You seriously can’t remember?” A laugh exploded from deep within him.
Her hand went to her mouth in shock. Her mind raced to piece together the memories of that night. Heat crept up the back of her neck. “I thought I was dreaming!”
“I wondered. When you were completely oblivious to the fact you tried to jump my bones the night before, I wondered if maybe you had experienced a little bit of sleepwalking. Oh, you tested my limits that night!”
She let her forehead fall to his chest, not wanting to look him in the eyes. She couldn’t help the smile that formed on her face, nor could she deny that she had indeed tried to jump his bones that night.
But come on, she’d thought she had been within the safety and anonymity of a dream!
He kissed the top of her head as he reined in his laughter and continued. “You threw me for a loop that night, and I was terrified. I was scared of the emotions I was feeling. I have never felt anything like that before.”
She felt giddy, like a little schoolgirl
