a prince, the man would surely need an heir. And even if, somehow, he still wanted to be with her after all this, it would be impossible. She could never go through the nightmare of losing a baby again. Never get pregnant again. Because the pain ripping through her heart at that moment felt, impossibly, even more torturous than the day she’d held her beautiful, lifeless baby in her arms.
A damp saltiness touched her lips, and she realized tears were streaking down her cheeks in stinging waterfalls. With shaking hands she slowly swiped them away.
Somehow she had to start a new life. She’d done it two years ago and, as hard as it had been, she could do it again. After this horrifying media exposure she couldn’t imagine a single patient would trust her anymore. She didn’t want James and Freya to feel bad about having to let her go. And even if, somehow, they didn’t want her to leave, she couldn’t face the looks and secret whispers about her past and her baby from patients and staff alike, whether it was criticism or sympathy.
No. It was time to cut the cord, so to speak, and be reborn. Again. Start over someplace where people didn’t know her past and, somehow, try for a new future.
A future that could never include Rafael, and of all the things ripping out bleeding pieces of her heart that was the very worst.
“RAFAEL!”
His father’s bellow carried all the way down the hospital hallway, and Rafael took off in a dead run to his mother’s room, fearing the worst. His heart practically stopped when he saw the bed was empty, and his father was pacing the room like an agitated grizzly bear.
“What? Has something happened to Mother?”
“She’s all right, for now at least. They took her to prep her for the surgery. I hate to think, though, how your damned latest scandal is going to upset her. The woman has already had a heart attack, Rafael—how is it that you don’t care how your actions will affect her recovery? Why don’t you give a damn about anyone but yourself?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care about Mother and her health and recovery.” He fought down his anger, which was rising to match his father’s, because he didn’t understand what had enraged the man again.
“You told us you’d go to L.A. to stay out of the news for a while. And now this! Who knows, maybe the last few scandals were part of the reason your mother had her heart attack in the first place. Maybe you should think about her health and recovery first instead of last.”
“Again, I don’t know what you’re talking about, so please enlighten me.” He wanted to add, Before I put a fist through this wall, or even your face. Which, of course, he’d never do, but visualizing how good that would feel after being accused, again, of something he doubtless hadn’t done helped calm him down.
“This.” His father flicked on the TV, and a news station blared with chatter and photos. Rafael stared in horror. These pictures weren’t dim and blurred. These showed him holding Gabriella’s hand as he’d helped her from the car outside the charity ball. The two of them going into her apartment afterwards. The two of them kissing—hotly kissing—by that fire pit in Vail.
Damn it to hell.
“So I dated a woman? A nice woman. A few casual dates. Since when is that an embarrassment that would give Mother another heart attack?” He tried to keep his voice cool, but it was hard with his breath short and his anger flaming higher. Did his parents expect him to stop living?
“Nice? Not according to this. This shows why she’s not a good choice for you. Are you ever going to find someone to settle down with and marry who’s appropriate? Who would make your mother happy and proud?”
Proud. There was that word. They’d said they were proud of him for being a doctor, but obviously it stopped there. They weren’t proud of his private life, of who he was outside the hospital. He’d told himself he didn’t care but, like the rest of it, knew now that wasn’t true.
He shifted his gaze back to the TV monitor and listened to the story in all its garishness, his gut burning and his heart feeling like someone had driven a scalpel straight through it.
A stillborn child. This was the source of the pain he’d seen on Gabriella’s face as she’d watched little Skye in the incubator. When new mothers had held their infants close to their breasts. And now all that pain was being blasted out there for all the world to see. Lurid details he knew had to be killing her to hear and see splashed in the media, and even unbelievable, nasty comments implying she was unfit to be a midwife.
And that it was happening at all was completely his fault.
His fault. There was no doubt he’d made the torment she obviously carried inside even worse. And as bad as that felt, there was something else digging a hole into his chest. The fact that she hadn’t told him any of this, hadn’t shared it when they’d been talking about their pasts and their secrets, made him wonder if there were other things in her past she didn’t want to share. Other things she wanted to keep hidden.
It seemed most everyone he got involved with had a past that was better left buried. Over and over, his notoriety ended up causing whatever it was to become unearthed. And that hurt everyone. His mother, now ill and fragile. His father, angry about that, and who could blame him? Whatever woman Rafael had been seeing at any moment. And even his career, when a few scandals had threatened to derail his reputation as a doctor, making a few people see only that part of him, and not his skills as a physician.
No wonder he ended up being a disappointment to some of the people closest to him. And not only because of the media. Because he’d never wanted to commit to anyone. Still didn’t believe in love and forever-after, though for a brief moment being with Gabriella had made him wonder if he could possibly be wrong about that. He had learned not to fully trust anyone, and felt ashamed that a small part of him felt that way about Gabriella, wondering what might come out next that would upset his mother while she was in Intensive Care. And what kind of son would risk his mother’s health and recovery for a fling?
God. What did it say about him that he would even let that cross his mind about Gabriella? Obviously, he couldn’t see her anymore. For her sake. For his mother’s. The damned selfish man inside him argued with that decision, but Rafael resolutely struck him down. Gabriella had already been through so much terrible heartache. She deserved someone who knew how to trust completely. Who wouldn’t expose her to public scandal. A man who could offer her something she might believe was real love, forever wiping away the pain of her old boyfriend leaving just when she’d needed him.
“No, Father, I’m never going to settle down and get married, which I’ve told you before. I’m sorry that’s a disappointment to you and Mother, but that’s just the way it is. I’m going to stay here for a while, though, until Mother gets well. Because I do care about her, even though you’ve thought some of the things I’ve done make it seem like I don’t.”
He turned and left the room, heading back to the door opening to the outside, needing to suck some air into his lungs that wasn’t vibrating with anger. And to call Gabriella again.
His last promise to his father would be the easiest to keep. Staying away from women wouldn’t be an issue, because he had no desire to date anyone besides Gabriella or make love with anyone other than her. And he knew that would be true for a long, long time.
Rafael
