on the dock near her childhood home and stared out at the Pacific Ocean, pulling her jacket closer around her to keep away the penetrating evening chill. Always, whenever she’d had problems in her life, she’d felt soothed by the sound of the surf. By watching the rhythmic waves slide up and down the sand. By seeing the orange sun gleaming lower in the sky to finally dip below the horizon. All of it usually left her feeling like she was ready to take on whatever challenge she had to face.
Her current challenge, forgetting about Rafael Moreno, felt pretty impossible. Taking the positive step to begin sending out applications for jobs had helped a little. Maybe once she moved somewhere to start afresh, met new people and didn’t hide away like she had the two years she’d been at The Hollywood Hills Clinic, it would get better. Maybe forgetting him would be easier than she expected.
And maybe the seagulls would start swimming and fish would fly across the sky.
A sigh filled her chest. Surprised by a movement next to her, she looked up, and her heart ground to a complete halt.
“So, querida, you are here.” Rafael dropped down next to her, and in his quiet voice was a note she hadn’t heard before. “Should you ever become a felon, be glad to know you’re very hard to find.”
“Rafael. How...? Why...? Is your mother okay?” Her heart started up again in lurching thuds against her ribs, and she just stared in disbelief that he was actually there. And why, when he’d given her the brush-off and basically said goodbye, have a nice life?
“My mother is fine. Tell me why you left L.A.” He reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. Somehow he couldn’t have seen what was on TV.
She licked her lips, and her gut churned with dread, but she had to tell him. “The media ran a story. About me, and...and how I gave birth to my stillborn son. Talked about how I should have done things differently. Why I shouldn’t be a midwife and...it’s all true. Except that it wasn’t my fault. I realize that now, and I know I’m still good at what I do.”
“I know. I heard the story.” He reached for her again, and this time she let his warm hand engulf her frozen one. “Of course you’re still good at what you do. Better than good. I’m so sorry this difficult part of your life has been thrown out there for all the world to see. It’s all my fault, and I feel very badly about that.”
So that was why he was here. To apologize for the media, which wasn’t really his fault at all.
She stared back at the horizon because she couldn’t bear to look at his face. “I don’t think it’s your fault any more than my losing the baby was mine. Don’t worry, I’ll cope.”
“I know that too. You’re a strong woman, not to mention talented and caring and so beautiful you make me ache.” He took her face in his hands, the green eyes meeting hers filled with tenderness as he turned her toward him. “Tell me about your baby. Tell me what happened.”
God, she didn’t want to talk about it. But maybe telling the story would be part of the process to continue to heal. To truly put it in the past. “I was working late. Had finished a long shift, and my patient had been in labor a long time. She was very upset and exhausted, and even though I’d been feeling odd pains all evening I really felt I should stay with her, be there for her until her baby was born. She developed complications and ended up having surgery, and I couldn’t just leave her with an OB she’d never met before. So I stayed, and her baby was born healthy.”
She closed her eyes, not wanting to remember the rest of it. Rafael’s hands slipped to her shoulders as he rested his cheek against hers. “And then what happened?”
“By then I was feeling really bad. I went to my office, and the pain was so overwhelming I collapsed. By the time someone found me I was in premature labor.” She pulled her cheek from his and opened her eyes, barely able to squeeze out the rest of the story. “I’ll never forget the moment when they listened for his heartbeat, but there wasn’t one. They attached the monitor to be sure, but nothing. My baby was dead. I had to deliver him, knowing he was gone. And never, as long as I live, will I forget how it felt to hold his small, motionless body in my arms, eyes closed, an incredibly peaceful look on his tiny, perfect face. The face of an angel.”
Her voice broke as the memories flooded her. Rafael had said she was strong. Now he knew otherwise.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, folding her close against him. She let herself cling to him for a long moment. Pressed her face to his neck. Let herself soak in his warmth one last time. “I’ve delivered stillborn babies, and I’ve seen the parents’ pain. I can’t imagine it. But I’m glad to hear you know it wasn’t your fault. That probably your baby wasn’t growing normally. Most likely, your pains came after he had passed away inside you, and whether or not you’d gone to see someone earlier about it wouldn’t have made any difference.”
His hand stroking slowly up and down her back felt even more soothing than watching the ocean. “I know. I do. But it’s hard not to feel like somehow, if I’d done things differently, he’d be here now.”
She could feel his face move against her hair in what she took to be a nod before he pulled back. “Thank you for sharing this with me. Now I’d like to share with you the second reason I’m here.”
His face was so serious she readied herself for some other thing even worse than the first media blitz, though surely that wasn’t possible. “What is it?”
“I’d decided I should stay at home for a while. Figured I’d been running from there for too long and hurting others in the process.” His wide palms cupped her face again. “Hurting you, both with the media focus and because I knew I couldn’t give you the kind of love you deserve.”
Oh, God. And here he was, hurting her now by stating the obvious. She tried to turn away from him, but he held her gaze.
“Then I found I was wrong. Again. I’ve been wrong about so damn many things, but the biggest was believing that there’s no such thing as real love. Lasting love. I know I was wrong because I’m very much in love with you, Gabriella. And I know that I’ll love you forever.”
“Rafael.” Her heart thundered in her ears so loudly it drowned out the sound of the ocean waves. What was he saying, exactly?
“I love you. Like I’ve never loved anyone before.” This time he whispered the words. “And I hope and pray that, even though I sure as hell don’t deserve it, you might love me back.”
Tears stung her eyes and spilled over, and his thumbs slowly slid across her cheeks to wipe them away.
“I do love you. But it’s me who doesn’t deserve you. And someday you’ll want children. Will need an heir for your country. I don’t think I can go through losing a baby again.”
“I don’t need to produce an heir. My brother’s wife is expecting as we speak, and since I know she wants a big brood, there will be more than enough Morenos running around the palace to satisfy the entire kingdom.”
That vision managed to make her smile a little, even through her tears, because she could just see green-eyed, dark-haired Morenos who looked like Rafael, loudly tearing up and down marble hallways and breaking priceless antiquities. And with that vision came the longing again to have a child, but hadn’t she gone through enough pain already?
He must have seen something in her face, because his usual arrogant confidence seemed to be on shaky ground as he drew her closer. “The only thing I need
