something that wasn’t broken? But now… Now he wasn’t sure if her friendship was enough. And that one thing, he supposed, was the strongest indication that he was ready to move on and put the past behind him. Properly behind him, this time. As a gesture to himself, he deliberately didn’t rebury the book in the drawer he never looked inside. Instead he left it on top of the desk, where he could see it any time. Where he would see it, often.
He lay awake into the night knowing that Lucy belonged to someone else. All those things she’d said to him, about moving on, finding someone new and having the family he’d chosen to forget he wanted. She meant finding some other girl. Not her. She already had her happy ever after sorted. And after all this time, was he capable of sustaining a proper long-term relationship? Was it a skill that you had to relearn or did it just come back to you, like swimming or driving? His mind swam with confused feelings. He wasn’t about to chance his friendship with Lucy by telling her how he felt. Not when he wasn’t even sure himself. And definitely not when their friendship might be the biggest casualty if it all went wrong. Turning over in bed, he resolved to keep his feelings well and truly to himself. Maybe if he did that and kept Lucy at arm’s length, these new feelings for her would pass. If he could keep some distance between them until her betrothal to Ed was a done deal, he knew he would never compromise her future and maybe then he could finally move forward properly.
GABRIEL did a very efficient job of avoiding Lucy for the next couple of days. This was no mean feat based on the fact that Ed seemed to be paying her more attention. Determined to bury her growing feelings for Gabriel and spurred on by the fact that their plan seemed to be working, she was eager to talk to him about the proposal night and in her usual impatient way bombarded him with phone calls trying to arrange just that.
Eventually, with every moment he spent away from her making him more determined to keep out of her way, he’d even begun to convince himself that his new attraction to her was no more than the result of an off-day. It was the shopping trip, he told himself. He’d just been wrong-footed by being forced to focus on her appearance when he’d never had reason to do that before. Hell, as a kid he’d seen her eating mud, hair all over the place, and as an adult staying with him he’d seen her at her worst. That time she’d drunk too much red wine and had spent the night on the bathroom floor throwing up. She’d looked like death the next morning. No, he told himself, he could brush any mad feelings aside. She was still the same old Lucy, no regard for what time of day it was or whether she was disturbing him, simply ringing him when it suited her.
He picked up the phone one morning at eight, believing she would be too tied up at the bakery to call then, so he would be safe. His heart gave an involuntary lurch as he heard her voice.
‘Gabe, anyone would think you’ve been trying to avoid me. Either that or you should sack your secretary. I’ve left getting on for half a dozen messages for you.’
He covered the receiver with his hand and took a deep breath. ‘Yeah, yeah.’ He made a huge effort to sound normal. ‘I’m sorry. I’ve been wrapped up in a case, some major hitches, been in constant meetings. I have meant to ring.’ Plausible vague lies, exactly what the situation needed. It seemed to work because she didn’t appear to have heard him, instead sweeping on with her own stream of consciousness in her usual impatient way.
‘Well, never mind. I’ve got hold of you now. It’s Ed!’ She couldn’t keep the excitement out of her voice.
‘What about Ed?’ Walked out? Decided to become a monk? Sadly no.
‘The clothes are working! He noticed my new heels right away.’
He grinned ruefully into the phone. ‘Told you.’
‘And I keep catching him stealing sneaky glances at me when he thinks I’m not looking. He’s much more touchy-feely than usual, too. You’re a genius! I should market you to women everywhere!’
Gabe felt a stabbing pain somewhere deep in his gut, not unlike a punch. Miserably he realised this was what jealousy must feel like. It wasn’t an emotion he was used to. The women he dated never evoked enough interest for him to be bothered if another man came along. His mind spun. It wasn’t just a blip, then. Something he could talk himself out of by using willpower. There really had been a shift in his feelings for her. He rubbed his temples with his thumb and forefinger. Problem was, how the hell did he shift them back to where they were supposed to be? Because it was obvious that Lucy didn’t feel the same way. And why should she? He was just good old Gabriel, brother-figure, who was currently masterminding her happy ever after with another guy and who’d apparently just kick-started her relationship.
Wanting to get the conversation over with as quickly as he could, he was uncharacteristically abrupt with her. ‘Lucy, I’ve really got to be somewhere, so can we do this later?’
‘I’m sorry! I always forget how busy you are. I think of you as my personal property.’
He felt a surge of happiness at this remark followed swiftly by despair. What the hell was he going to do?
‘I just wanted to organise getting together,’ she said. ‘You know, to talk through my proposal. I’ve got loads of ideas. Maybe we could make it a lunchtime, though, because Ed’s been talking about taking me out to dinner.’
What, every night? he wanted to snarl at her. He shook his head briefly to try and clear it. ‘Are you sure you really need me, Lucy? I mean, you sound like you’re doing great on your own.’
‘Of course I need you.’ She sounded puzzled and hurt and he experienced a jolt of guilt. ‘I need your views, Gabe. You’ve helped loads already. I know I haven’t been exactly positive about some of your observations, but you know that’s just my way. I’ve taken everything you’ve said on board.’ Then she added cynically, ‘Or are you just too busy for friends? Is that it?’
He pulled himself together with a stupendous effort. He was used to his emotions being pretty constant, not this swinging between jealousy, anger and misery. If love was this much grief, he decided he had been thoroughly justified in choosing to give it a miss all this time.
‘Don’t be silly,’ he said, as lightly as he could. ‘Like I said, it’s just been busy.’ He realised he couldn’t avoid seeing her. His only hope was to carry on as normal and hope these feelings would just wear off. In fact seeing her might help. Maybe he was building the whole thing up in his mind. ‘How about tomorrow?’ he suggested. ‘I’ll meet you at Smith’s for a sandwich.’
‘Great. Can you make it about two?’
He gritted his teeth in exasperation. ‘Do you always have to eat so late? Can’t you have lunch at twelve or one like normal people?’
‘I can’t help it,’ she countered. ‘Twelve until one is our busiest time at the shop. We need more than one person to make it run properly. If we make it two, I can leave Sophie in charge and not have to rush back.’
‘OK, OK, two it is.’ There was no point arguing with her.
He replaced the receiver with a feeling of trepidation.
Lucy put the phone down feeling reassured. Her feelings were focused exactly where they should be. It was just a simple matter of keeping your mind in the right place. She’d made a stand to herself by telling Gabriel in no uncertain terms how wonderfully her relationship
