for Gabriel, which could never come to anything. Things with Ed really did seem to have been boosted. Surely that was a good sign. She could make Ed sit up and take notice after two years and that had to stand them in good stead for the future. She could even look at these irrational feelings for Gabriel as a test of her love for Ed. If she could get over this then nothing could shake them once they were committed.
She ignored the small voice inside that told her she was just scared of change. Understandable really after the shifting sand of her childhood. Scared of losing Ed and the secure life she’d built with them both in it, where she knew when she went to sleep what would happen when she woke up again. If she wasn’t deliriously in love with him, she certainly loved him for the life and stability they had together. Her mother had loved her father with desperate passion and look where it had got her. No, she was certain. Love that lasted was built on a lot more than lust. And she needed Gabriel as a friend to talk to and lean on in times of trouble. Mess with that, Lucy, the voice said, and everything teeters on the precipice. Follow these mad feelings and end up losing Ed, and then after three weeks, or maybe a month if you’re lucky, commitment phobic Gabe will be just about ready to quit, and you can lose him, too. Because it would never be the same between her and Gabriel again—that was the one thing she knew beyond question. That kind of elephant never left the room.
Plus the fact, she reassured herself, Gabe showed no more sign of reciprocating her feelings now than he had when he was eighteen, so she would most likely make a fool of herself as well. He obviously hadn’t given her a second thought this week—she’d had to practically stalk him to get a phone conversation. The best way to put this whole mess behind her would be to direct all her energy at Ed, who she knew loved her and wanted to be with her and who was showing loads more enthusiasm for their relationship than he had in months. She should be making the most of that. Once he’d said yes and they were engaged, everything would be fine, she was sure of it.
It was a perfect winter’s day as she walked through the streets from her shop to meet Gabriel at Smith’s. This was a quaint little coffee shop in one of the side streets just off the main city centre. She and Gabriel met there often because it was roughly halfway between his office and her shop. The cakes and pastries were always delicious, and Lucy always enjoyed comparing them to those she made in her own bakery. She always judged coffee shops and restaurants by their food; she couldn’t seem to stop herself. A dry Danish pastry or a soggy eclair had the instant ability to turn her off an establishment for good. The sun was shining as she walked and the air was crisp and clear. It reminded Lucy of the last day like that, when she’d had lunch at Gabriel’s parents’ house. She thought of them fondly. Any nostalgia she might have about her childhood had them and their home wrapped up in it.
She wondered sometimes how much further and how much more she might have achieved in life if she’d had an upbringing that hadn’t demanded she dive headlong into adult responsibility while she was still in reality just a child. But then on the other hand she was so proud of how far she had come. The fact she’d done it in spite of all that her parents had thrown at her made her achievements all the sweeter.
She allowed herself to think of her parents for a moment. She’d found them creeping into her thoughts more and more frequently these past few days. They had never married, despite the fact it was still really the done thing when she was a child. When things were good and they were getting on sometimes they would talk about it. She remembered her mother even looking at booking the ceremony once and she had been beside herself with excitement. But it never came to anything. It was just forgotten about, never mentioned again. All her schoolfriends had married parents and she had longed to be the same as them. In her child’s mind she had built it up to be the answer to all their problems. If only her parents were married they would get along properly and be happy. The fights would stop. Of course as an adult now she knew that wasn’t the way things worked. But she still saw marriage as a magical, wonderful thing, a way of cementing a stable relationship. In her mind she knew this wasn’t rational, but all the same she had always known she wanted to be married and have a family of her own one day.
She checked her watch and grinned to herself. Late again. Luckily for her she knew Gabriel well enough by now to simply factor in his lousy timekeeping. She didn’t expect him for half an hour after the time agreed. As it was, today he arrived only twenty minutes late, looking tired and a little harassed, she thought, but impeccably dressed as ever in a beautifully cut dark blue suit that made his grey-blue eyes seem more intense than ever. He pulled up a chair next to her.
‘Do you want anything to eat?’ She picked up the menu and scanned it.
He shook his head. ‘I’ve already eaten, like the rest of the human race. Lunchtime for me was an hour and a half ago.’ She wasn’t used to him being short with her and she looked at him, puzzled. Had she done something to upset him? As she looked he checked his watch.
‘Are you in a rush, Gabe?’
He looked up at her distractedly. ‘No, why?’
‘No reason,’ she said, with a hint of irritation. ‘Except that you’ve only just arrived for our lunch date, but you aren’t actually planning to eat anything and now you’re acting like you need to leave again.’
As she watched him he seemed to shake himself out of his mood and he smiled at her apologetically. ‘Sorry. It’s been a bit of a manic week.’
She smiled a little. ‘It’s OK. You don’t seem yourself at the moment. I guess this case is taking it out of you.’
He nodded and that feeling of confusion increased. Her conversations with Gabe were never normally stilted like this. Their usual affectionate bickering was a world away from this distracted style of talking. They were interrupted by the waitress, who took their order, Gabriel pointedly asking only for coffee as she defiantly chose a sandwich with side salad. Silence ensued again when the girl left.
‘Right, then,’ she said, a little uncertainly, when he didn’t speak. ‘Let me tell you my plans for proposing to Ed. I need you to be totally honest. Don’t spare my feelings.’
He gave an odd little half-smile. ‘Are you sure you want my total honesty?’
‘Of course.’
‘Go on, then.’
He was behaving really strangely. She wondered whether she should just scrap the planned discussion and pester him into talking about whatever was bothering him. After the way he had opened up the other night about Alison, she was tempted to try. But in a public place like this she didn’t think he would thank her for digging into his thoughts again. If he didn’t want to talk he had a stubborn streak that meant he would first clam up and then get angry. Plus the fact she was determined to keep the whole conversation centred on Ed and lock Gabriel well and truly into the role of supportive friend. She had her own agenda here and the best thing to do was surely press on and not to be diverted.
‘OK.’ She fished a notebook out of her handbag and ignored his raised eyebrows. Before he had the chance to mock the fact that she had actually put something in writing she began skimming her notes. ‘Here’s what I’m thinking. Book out our favourite restaurant—you know, the Italian place on the square?’
She glanced up at him. He pulled a dubious face but didn’t comment.
‘Ask all our best friends to come along and get there before us. You’d be invited of course—I’d need you there as moral support.’ She tapped him pointedly on the arm with her pen. ‘Then we arrive at the prearranged time.’ Her voice got louder as she warmed to her subject and several people in the café glanced over. She ignored them. ‘Of course, he’ll realise all his mates are there and wonder what’s going on,
