want you to stay with me because you felt guilty or anything.” In fact, she was one hundred percent sure that was why he’d stayed with her anyway. Lucky her that he wasn’t usually the type to get drunk and sleep with the new girl everyone else wanted already.
“I wouldn’t. I liked you.”
“Liked.”
He breathed in deeply. “Like. But you’re acting different lately. I don’t know if this is who you are or what. Stop trying so hard, just act like yourself again.”
How many times had her mother begged her to be herself again? It was fruitless. Useless. There was no point in begging Becca to stop or change or be someone nicer or easier to be around. This was Becca. And that was all.
The only person who’d ever thought she could really change, apart from her hopeful mother, was Dr. Winthrop. He told her it wasn’t her fault, and that if she just took this, this and that medicine for the rest of her freaking life then her moods would level out.
Screw that. She wasn’t going to do it.
Dr. Winthrop had tried to talk her through her “compulsive lying” and her “pathological desire” to do what she thought would make people like her, instead of what was right. You have to control yourself, he’d said. Or someone else will get hurt again.
She shivered and pushed the memory from her mind.
“Or maybe this is you,” he added after a moment.
She was realizing now that she couldn’t let him go. She liked being the golden couple. She liked being enviable, she always had. What would she do without him? No one else could give her what Max could.
The music faded quickly in the dining hall. “And now it’s time for the reveal of Halloween King and Queen.”
Cheering. Quieting. Drum roll. Max looked Becca in the eyes the whole time.
“Maxwell Holloway and Rebecca Normandy!”
She tried to mask her delight, but he knew how important it was to her.
“Come on, your highness,” she said, grabbing his arm. “Let’s go claim our crowns.”
They walked onto the stage. Everyone cheered.
“Would either of you like to say anything to your public?”
Max shrugged. “Thanks to everyone for voting for me, I’m really flattered, thank you.” He gave an insincere but winning smile and handed the microphone back to Professor Crawley.
Becca took it. “I’d actually like to take a moment to say something if I could.”
“Sure, go ahead.”
Max looked at her nervously. She smiled.
“First of all, I just want to say thank you to all of you … you’ve all welcomed me to Manderley and I couldn’t be happier to know each and every one of you.” Gag. “And as for you, Max, I just have one thing to say to you.”
Everyone was quiet as they listened to her. She took her time and smiled at Max, gazing at him as earnestly as she could. “I love you.”
A bunch of the girls gasped and then there was applause. She knew exactly what she was doing.
“Oh, he’s embarrassed.” She wrapped an arm around his waist. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“Kiss her!” said a voice in the audience.
She smiled. Max tightened his jaw and looked down at her, his eyes furiously questioning her. He kissed her quickly, and she pulled him in for a real kiss. He was mad, and she knew it. She didn’t care.
More clamor from their onlookers.
“Thank you so much.” She handed the microphone back, curtsied and dragged Max behind her by the hand.
He left after that.
“That was so cute, Becca!” Madison said, running up to her. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell us he said he loved you! Oh, my God!” She waved a hand in front of her face.
That was definitely the implication in the way she’d said it. But it was easy to claim as an accidental inflection.
“Yeah, it’s really sweet. Look, don’t tell anyone, but I’m sneaking into the boys’ dorms.”
Julia’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”
“Everyone’s down here, so no one will even notice.” She tried to ignore the pounding in her chest. She had to look happy and cool and confident. “Besides, Max and I need to celebrate.” She smiled, but it faltered as she saw Johnny by the entrance. She didn’t look back at her friends, but went to him.
For once she was lost for words as she looked at him. She hadn’t thought about him when she’d done what she just did. It hadn’t occurred to her that he might care.
After not looking at her for what felt like a very long time, he spoke.
“You guys … you’re saying that now?”
She shook her head, but didn’t know what to say.
He finally looked at her, and the look in his eyes made her heart skip. “Do you love him, Becca? Really?”
“I—I don’t know.”
For the first time in she didn’t know how long, she felt her eyes brim with real tears. She took a deep, steadying breath. She did know that she didn’t love Max. Her stomach clenched. Why was she staying with Max? Was it worth it?
Johnny nodded once and walked past her toward the dorms. She called his name, but he didn’t turn. She looked around to see if anyone had seen. No one seemed to have.
That was why she was staying with Max—because Johnny could walk away. And when he did, she would feel like this.
Becca flew down the stairs and into the bathroom. The tears were threatening again; her heart and throat were hot and sore from being in knots. She was on the brink of letting it out when she came upon two girls.
“Becca! That was so sweet! Are you—are you okay?”
It took everything she had to look blasé. “Am I okay? Yes, I’m okay. Just … freshening up before I go to Max’s room.” She smiled and tried to blink the tears away.
She looked in the mirror and wiped any running mascara from under her eyes. She looked pitiful, she thought. The crown looked like it was making fun of her. She left the bathroom and the two girls, whatever their names were, and went up the stairs toward Max.
What was his room number? He’d said something about it the other day because his parents had sent a letter to the wrong room. They sent it to eight. He was in … ugh, for once she wished she’d listened to him. Eighteen? Twenty-eight? It was one of those two. She’d just have to try both.
She
