the intensity of what we went through yesterday with the delivery of the quads heightened our emotions and we acted upon it.’
‘So last night was just a fling after the surgery, a reaction to a successful outcome? Is that how you see it?’
Charlie used every ounce of his strength not to reach for her. Not to say how he really felt. Not to let her know that she was breaking through his defences and making him want more. That there was no one he wanted to be with more than her. But he couldn’t.
‘You can and will do far better than me. I was just for last night.’
‘So in your mind it really was just a one-night stand?’
‘That doesn’t sum up what we shared...’
‘But it’s how you see it,’ she spat back angrily.
‘Well...’
‘I can’t believe this,’ she said with anger and disappointment colouring her tone. ‘You’re no different from all the other men who want a quick roll in the sack with no strings attached—’
‘That’s not true.’
‘Tell me how it isn’t true. If this was only for one night then you should have let me in on that fact yesterday, before we fell into bed together. I thought we shared something more than that, or at least we could, given time.’
Charlie hated what he had to do and say. His heart wrenched. This woman was wonderful and loving but he could never be what Juliet needed.
‘I didn’t mislead you, Juliet. I don’t think either of us thought too much about anything other than being with each other but now, in the light of day, we have to be practical. I need to be alone and you’re not staying in the UK long term so let’s not delay the inevitable.’
What he wanted, with all of his still unhealed heart, was to say that spending any more time with her and knowing he had to let her go would be unbearable. He was torn between the happiness that he felt around her and the guilt that he knew he deserved to carry.
The guilt that would ruin any chance for them having any sort of a future.
‘Charlie, does this have something to do with your wife? Lots of people lose their partners but they go on to love again.’
‘That has nothing to do with this,’ he lied again. ‘It doesn’t matter why, it’s just the way it is.’ His voice was shaky as he tried to hold back what Juliet did not need to know.
‘I’m not buying it. I think I know you almost better than you know yourself, even though that sounds ridiculous after a week but it’s how I feel. So I need to know something. I need you to tell me what happened, Charlie,’ she said. Her tone had softened. ‘What happened to your wife? Because that has everything to do with your need to be alone. I know it has.’
Charlie’s back stiffened and his jaw tensed. ‘It won’t change anything.’
‘Perhaps not, but I want to know.’
He climbed from the bed and began to gather his clothes in silence. He did not want to open up old wounds.
‘Charlie,’ Juliet began as she leant against the bed head, the bedclothes wrapped around her still-naked body. ‘I’ll go. I know you want me to leave but you owe me an explanation for what is happening now. I need to know why you’re rejecting us...and why you won’t even try.’
‘Fine,’ he said as he inhaled and filled his tight chest with air and stood in the middle of the softly lit room staring back at Juliet. ‘You know I’m a widower and you know my wife, Alice, died two years ago. It was a car accident that claimed her life on the road that leads out of town. She died in the Cotswolds only two miles from this house and I wish every day that I could change places with her but I can’t. She died and I am forced to live on.’
Juliet sat for a moment in silence. ‘Charlie, I’m sorry that you lost your wife so tragically, but you can’t change what’s happened or trade places with her. Do you think she would want you to be living with that much sadness? Don’t you think you’re being hard on yourself? You’re still here and you can live your life...’
‘After I took hers? I don’t think so.’
‘What do you mean, after you took hers? It was an accident.’
‘I was driving.’
‘Were you drunk?’
‘No,’ he spat angrily. ‘I would never get behind the wheel if I’d been drinking.’
‘Then it wasn’t your fault.’
He stood rigidly. ‘She was excited about going to the dinner. I couldn’t have been further from excited. The weather had been the worst we’d seen in years, I’d been in surgery all day and wanted to stay home but I didn’t want to refuse her. I didn’t want to appear selfish so I gave in. When I should have said no, I said yes. Despite my reservations, we headed out on the snow-covered roads, I lost control and I killed her.’
‘No, Charlie, you didn’t kill her. The weather, the road, fate, that is what killed Alice. You can’t take responsibility for that. Factors came together to take her life.’
He paced the room. His hands were clenched tightly. ‘We shouldn’t have been on the road, in the weather. I should have been more cautious. I should’ve protected her. I was her husband; that was my role.’
‘I bet you had driven in that weather many times without incident and you thought that night would be no different...’
‘But it was different. I should’ve argued the point, and insisted we stayed in, out of the weather.’
‘Even if you had done that, you know Alice could have been in an accident the next morning travelling to work. It could have happened any time. Or worse, she could have gone on her own and you wouldn’t have been there for her. You tried to protect her. You were tired and yet you agreed and did your best to protect her by being with her.’
‘But I failed and nothing you say can change this. I’ve felt this way since the day she died and I will feel this way until the day I die. And it’s the reason I haven’t driven in more than two years. I won’t get behind the wheel of a car again. Ever. Please, Juliet, I think it’s best that you leave.’
‘Charlie, we can talk about this—’
‘No.’ He knew his coldness wasn’t lost on Juliet and he wanted it that way. He had to push her away before he fell too hard and couldn’t let her go. ‘There’s nothing else to say. I’m sorry if you were looking for more. But I’m not and never will be. You’re a special woman, Juliet, but I can’t... I suppose occasional lapses like last night will happen.’
Juliet stared back at him. He could see tears welling in her eyes. ‘Lapses?’
‘I’m sorry, you know what I mean.’
‘If all of this is true, then you had no right to ask me back here last night.’
‘I asked you here for dinner.’
‘Then
