stupid to believe there could be more. She had fallen into bed with a man once again without thinking.
Then she shifted her shoulders and lifted her chin. It wasn’t quite like that, she had to admit to herself. Charlie was not just any man. He was different. Charlie never lied to her, like Brad. He didn’t scheme, like Bea’s father. He had never hidden the fact he liked his life the way it was. Alone. But Juliet had thought she could change that. And his clear affection for her daughter had convinced her that he was ready to open his heart to love.
But he wasn’t.
Both of them were wrong.
She wasn’t sure what she would do. Extending her contract with Teddy’s was yet to be negotiated so she still had the option of returning home. Or perhaps going on a river cruise with her parents, she thought wryly.
In the jumble of thoughts, she decided to get up and make some tea and let Bea sleep in a little longer. She tiptoed down the passageway into the kitchen and put on the kettle. She couldn’t let herself fall to pieces. Bea deserved better. She was too young to witness her mother’s heartbreak. Juliet’s tears would have to wait until the middle of the night, when she could cry alone and wish for what might have been.
Looking at the clock, she realised it was later than she had thought. It was almost nine. Jet lag, she assumed, had finally taken its toll on her parents. That was for the best, she thought as she sat in her pyjamas and robe, holding the steaming cup of tea at the kitchen table. Her socked feet were inside her slippers.
She thought she heard a car, but presumed it was the neighbours or local traffic passing by. It wasn’t the motorbike she wanted to hear. Biting her lip, and trying to hold back the tears threatening to spill onto her cheeks, she accepted that she would never hear Charlie’s motorbike in her driveway.
A rustling and thumping suddenly began. And it seemed to get louder. Pulling back her kitchen curtains, to look out of her window into the neighbour’s driveway, Juliet couldn’t see anything. It was the oddest sound. Nothing she could really discern so she sat back down and sipped her tea. While some said tea solved everything, she doubted it would come close to resolving her problems.
The noise changed to heavy footsteps. And they were outside her house. She crossed the wooden floorboards to the front door expecting a deliveryman. She tugged her dressing gown up around her neck and braced herself for the inevitable gust of cold air as she opened the door.
But it wasn’t a delivery man.
It was Charlie.
‘What are you doing here?’ Her voice was not welcoming. She was hurt and angry and disappointed and more confused than ever. And the reason for her tumultuous emotions was standing on her doorstep.
‘I brought the Christmas tree I promised Bea.’
Juliet eyed him suspiciously as she looked to the side of the house where the six-foot tree was leaning against the wall. Snow was covering the deep green branches that had been tied up with rope.
‘Why?’
‘Because, as I said, I promised to do it. I won’t let Bea down.’
But you would let me down, she thought. ‘That’s not what you told me,’ she spat back. ‘I’m heading off today with my father to collect one so you can take that one back. I don’t want a tree or anything from you.’
Charlie didn’t flinch. ‘I know you’re upset with me—’
‘And does that surprise you?’ she cut in angrily.
Charlie looked down at his snow-covered boots for a moment before he raised his gaze back to her. ‘Not at all. I deserve your anger. I behaved terribly. And I want to make it up to you. Bringing you the tree is just the start...’
‘But how did it get here?’ she interrupted. She hadn’t heard his motorbike and there was no delivery van visible outside.
‘I brought it here.’
Juliet stepped onto the freezing cold tiles of the front porch.
‘How?’
Charlie paused for a moment before he turned and looked over his shoulder. ‘On the roof of the car. I tied it to the roof rack.’
‘But you don’t drive. You haven’t driven since the accident. I don’t understand.’
Charlie, momentarily and in deep thought, closed his eyes. When he opened them seconds later he spoke. ‘I had to drive. They couldn’t deliver the tree.’
Juliet said nothing.
‘I borrowed the car from the Christmas tree farm owner.’
‘How long since you’ve driven?’
Charlie looked into Juliet’s eyes in silence for a moment. ‘I haven’t climbed into a car...since the accident. Not to drive or be a passenger. This is the first time in two years I’ve been behind the wheel. I had no choice but to drive because I couldn’t let Bea down.’
‘Thank you for the tree. I’ll get my father to help me in with it later,’ she said as she stepped back inside and began to close the door.
Without warning, Charlie’s boot stopped it closing. ‘There’s more. We need to talk.’
Juliet shook her head. ‘No, Charlie, we’ve said everything there is to say. I know how you feel. I know you like living alone. I get it. I don’t agree but I accept that it’s your choice and not mine. So let’s leave it at that. But thank you very much for the tree. Bea will love it.’
‘Please, Juliet. Give me five minutes. This is not just about Bea. I won’t ever let you down again, if you’ll let me make it up to you.’
She looked at his handsome face, his stunning eyes that were pleading with her, but she couldn’t let him stay. She needed space to heal and listening to his reasons, his justification for being so cold, would not help her to shut him out for ever. He needed to leave before she could not control her need to stroke the stubble on his chin with her fingers, before she reached up to kiss his tender lips with hers the way she had that night.
‘I’m busy, Charlie.’ Her voice was cold but her heart was still warm and she wished it were otherwise.
‘It’s nine in the morning and I know you don’t start until one today.’ He moved his foot free. She could shut the door but he hoped with all of his heart she wouldn’t. ‘Please don’t close the door on us. Not without hearing me out.’
‘Why, Charlie? We’ve said everything there is to say. You want to spend your life living in regret. Living something you can’t change. You can’t bring your wife back and I don’t want to talk about it any more. I can’t compete with the woman you lost. I’m alive and I wanted to be there for you but you threw me away. I have my pride and I have my daughter. And you can have your lonely existence.’
‘I never threw you away. I wanted you to walk away before I hurt you.’
‘Perhaps you should have thought about that before you invited me to stay the night,’ she argued. ‘You like being alone and I was just for one night. But that’s not who I am.
