my mother will or won’t want. I do know I’ll keep the visit short. I don’t want to overtire her, and the girls can be a handful when they get excited and start asking questions. That’s where I think you’d be a big help. You have a calming effect on them.”
“If I can help, I’d be glad to come along. But if for some reason your mother doesn’t want any other visitors, I can wait out in the hall, or visit the nursery again.”
He remembered too well the day he’d transferred Leanne Martin’s baby to Emily’s arms. She would make a wonderful mother. He could imagine her pregnant, getting larger with child each month.
Oh, no, he wasn’t going there. He might be considering a night of hot sex, but a minister and wedding bells weren’t on his agenda. He’d done that once. He’d been a lousy husband and back then, not a very good father. He’d been building his practice, and he’d left the needs of his infants to Valerie.
If he had it all to do over again, what would he change?
He didn’t know. Valerie’s distaste of his being called away had always caused problems between them. But those problems had turned into resentment on both their sides, and that colored everything they had done and said.
He could have done it differently. He should have been more understanding.
Valerie had received her diagnosis and decided she knew best—that he and the twins shouldn’t be with her in her last days. If he’d been a better husband…if he’d been more understanding…then maybe she would have trusted him to be with her through it all. Even at the end.
“Jared.” Emily looked concerned as if she’d asked him a question and he hadn’t heard her.
“Do you want to go to the hospital as soon as we’re finished for the day?”
“That would probably be best.”
She studied him more closely. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I was just considering what type of father I would be if I were in a different profession.”
“Do you really think changing your career would make you a different kind of dad?”
She had a point there. “I’d have more time to give them.”
She looked as if she wanted to say something, but was hesitating to say it.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” The one truth he’d learned in his life was that honesty avoided much heartbreak.
“I’m thinking that even if we had all the time in the world, we wouldn’t have enough time. It’s more important that you don’t waste a minute of the time you have with them. If you’re really present to them, if you care about what they’re doing, that’s what matters.”
Jared suddenly realized that that was the reason his daughters liked being with Emily. When she was with them, she was with them. Nothing interfered with her concentration on them, and they felt special because of it.
He moved closer to her, thinking about the call she’d received from her ex-husband. The few things she’d told him had led him to believe her ex hadn’t appreciated her at all. He glanced over at his twins and saw they were still occupied with the pudding and each other.
Letting his hand rest lightly on Emily’s shoulder, he asked her, “Why didn’t you have babies when you were married?”
She looked away and then back at him. “I wanted them. Richard wanted to wait until we were financially secure.”
“And that day never came,” he guessed.
“No, it didn’t.” She didn’t elaborate, though he wished she would. Maybe in time.
Had he decided to spend more time with her for reasons other than his daughters?
Since Emily didn’t elaborate about her marriage, he asked anyway, “What finally broke the two of you up? Usually there’s that straw that breaks the camel’s back.”
For a moment, Emily looked absolutely trapped. Her face drained of some of its color. What could have been so horrible that she’d have this reaction?
“Emily?” He slid his hand under her hair and stroked her neck.
“There wasn’t just one thing,” she finally said. “He asked for a divorce and I knew…I knew we didn’t have anything left.”
What she was telling him could be true. But he suspected there was more. He could see it in the turmoil in her big brown eyes. Was Emily keeping secrets from him, too? And if she was, what was he going to do about it?
He heard the scrape of a chair on the wooden floor and the pitter-patter of Amy’s sneakers as she ran over to him. She never seemed to walk anywhere.
“Can Emily read us a story before we go to bed?”
He stepped away from Emily, closer to his daughter. What did he really know about Emily Diaz? He knew what she’d given him in her résumé. He knew what her references had told him. Yes, she was a kind, compassionate woman who could relate to kids. And from his reaction to her, she turned him on in a way a woman hadn’t in a very long time.
But did he know the essence of her? Did he know what made her tick? He suddenly wondered why she’d had to travel across the state to start a new life here…so far away from her husband.
The prize-winning question was—did he want the answers to all of his questions, or did he want to just concentrate on his daughters and his profession without muddying up his life with an affair?
“I think we’ve taken up enough of Emily’s time. She has a roommate who hasn’t seen much of her lately, and I’m sure she has things to do at home, too. Did you finish your milk?”
Amy nodded.
“Great. As soon as Courtney’s finished, you can try to put your pajamas on all by yourselves.”
Then he turned back to Emily and gestured to the play set on the floor. “Thank you for taking the time to find that with me and to play with them.” His voice was more formal than he wanted it, but he had to draw a line in the sand.
He saw a flicker of hurt in Emily’s eyes. He hated that. But he had to consider what he was doing very carefully. He had to make sure he made the right decisions this time for both his daughters…and himself.
Emily’s shoulders squared a little as she told Amy, “Your dad’s right. I have to be going. But I’ll see you tomorrow evening.”
Her purse was lying on the end table beside the sofa. She picked it up quickly and threw the strap over her shoulder. Then she stepped around the play set, crouched down before Amy and gave her a hug. Afterward, she headed for Courtney and did the same.
Jared walked Emily to the door. But he didn’t touch her, and he definitely didn’t kiss her good-night.
Emily had questions in her eyes as she said good-night and left.
But he didn’t have any answers.
