been pulling strings like crazy. He’s investing a fortune in that clapped-out firm, and I don’t think he’ll see much of it back. You’ll be getting written confirmation, but you can take it as definite. It’s all over.’
I thanked him politely but I was in a daze. His last words stood out in neon.
It’s all over.
Of course he’d been talking about the case, but there was an ominous second meaning.
It’s all over.
And it was. All over. Jack had done what he’d promised. He’d cleared whatever he’d thought was on his conscience and now he could forget me. In fact he’d started to forget me already.
‘When Jack comes back we’ll have a special celebration meal,’ Grandad said. ‘Beans on toast.’
‘He’s not coming, Grandad, and we should start packing.’
‘Packing? What are you talking about, luv?’
‘He’s helped us out and that’s it. I’m an embarrassment to him.’
‘You mean we’re an embarrassment.’ He looked crestfallen. ‘Is that why he keeps getting my name wrong?’
I didn’t answer. I was too preoccupied to hear this properly, or consider the implications.
It suddenly seemed terrible to be here, where we had no right to be, and I couldn’t wait to get out.
I had to write to him, and for some reason this letter was harder than the other one. I told him how grateful I was, thanked him, and promised to be no further trouble to him.
When I read it over I was thoroughly dissatisfied with it, but I knew I couldn’t do any better.
We packed up quickly and went out into the street. A few minutes’ walk brought us to the nearest tube station, and an hour later we were entering our own little home.
Grandad went to bed early. I sat up late, waiting for the phone to ring. Of course it didn’t. It was early light when I went upstairs and fell into a doze. It lasted on and off until the dawn, when I was awoken by the sound of someone banging on the front door.
I threw the window open and yelled, ‘Oi, I don’t know what you—?’
I stopped at the sight of Jack’s furious face glaring up at me.
‘Della, you have two seconds to get yourself down here and let me in. Then I’m breaking the door down.’
I was still pulling on my dressing gown as I opened the front door. He was inside in a moment, still furious.
‘A nice way to behave!’ he snapped. ‘You couldn’t wait around to see me, could you? Once it was settled you couldn’t get out fast enough. Well, that tells me where I stand.’
‘Jack, what—?’
‘I love you—do you understand that? I’m mad about you. I wanted to make everything right for you, and kiss you, and tell you I’d love you for ever. And, not for the first time, you weren’t there.’
‘I wasn’t there because you didn’t want me,’ I said indignantly. ‘You left a message with Grandad, then you walked out and told your secretary not to take my calls. What was I supposed to think?’
He groaned and tore his hair. Now I was getting my second wind I could see that he needed a shave and looked exhausted.
‘I didn’t tell my secretary to refuse your calls,’ he growled. ‘I told her to hold everything.’
‘Yes, because you didn’t want to talk to me.’
He drew a long, exasperated breath and spoke as though restraining himself with difficulty.
‘Now, look, Della, don’t you try to act like the aggrieved party. This is the second time you’ve walked out on me, and enough is enough. Do you know what it felt like for me, going back to the apartment and finding that little note? It felt like the first time, only a hundred times worse. How could you do that to me again?’
‘I’m sorry—I didn’t think of it that way.’
‘That’s it! No more creeping out when I’m not there. This time you face me and say straight out that you don’t love me. Tell me to my face to go to blazes. That would at least be honest.’
‘How dare you say I don’t love you?’ I yelled. ‘Why do you think everything happened this way?’
‘I don’t know why!’ he yelled back. ‘I don’t know anything about you because you won’t let me. Even now, when I’ve met your family, you’re still keeping yourself hidden in the ways that matter. If you want to hide from me for ever, at least say so.’
‘I don’t want to hide from you.’
‘Then what are you doing here?’
‘I—I thought—I don’t know what I’m doing here. It seemed right at the time.’
‘And now?’ He was looking at me intently.
‘Now I’m confused about everything. Why didn’t you tell me about Mr Cunningham yourself?’
‘I lost my nerve. Della, why are you looking at me like that?’
I suppose I was looking strange, because belatedly something had just dawned on me.
‘You said you loved me?’ I said.
‘Yes, I did. Several minutes ago. It took time for that to register.’
He spoke grumpily but he wasn’t angry any more. Nor was I.
‘Haven’t you got anything to tell me?’ he asked.
‘I thought you were embarrassed. I thought—’
‘No, no.’ He stopped me with a finger over my lips. ‘Those aren’t the right words.’
‘What are the right words?’
‘You know them.’
I smiled at him. Inside I was smiling all over. ‘I love you, Jack.’
He gave a yell of triumph. ‘Those are the right words!’
I don’t know if he grabbed me or I grabbed him, but for a long time nobody said any words at all. And when we came up for air Grandad was in the kitchen, making tea.
‘You two took your time,’ he said as he poured for us. ‘Is it on now? Or are you just waiting for something else to misunderstand each other about?’
‘It’s all on now,’ Jack said, watching me with a warmth in his eyes that seemed to reach out and enfold me. ‘It’s on for life. Isn’t it?’
I
