WHEELER: Who knows? He doesn’t talk to me.
PAUL: He doesn’t talk to you.
WHEELER: He’s thirteen, he doesn’t talk to anybody. I don’t know what’s going on with him. He’s all fucked up.
PAUL: Does he talk to Kelly?
WHEELER: He’ll give her some sass but that’s a whole mother-son thing, I got nothing to do with it. It’s them against the world. He just grunts with me. A grunt is a lot, really. You get a grunt, you really feel like you’re getting somewhere.
PAUL: But he’s all right?
WHEELER: How the fuck would I know?! He could be sniffing glue and pulling the wings off birds, for all I know.
PAUL: Is he still playing ball?
WHEELER: That ended a while ago. He doesn’t do anything.
He’s on the computer a lot.
(A moment.)
PAUL: All right, I should get going.
WHEELER: Yeah, go eat a steak. Tell Margaret I said hello.
PAUL: I’ll do it.
WHEELER: And if your friends voted for Trump, tell them a grateful nation says go fuck yourself.
PAUL: All right.
WHEELER: And thanks for your help today, I appreciate it. Y’know, I’ve got this hip.
PAUL: So if we fixed you up, would you be up for that?
WHEELER: Who’s we? Is this your idea or is it Margaret’s?
PAUL: Margaret’s.
WHEELER: Okay, sure, what’s the pitch? Who is this?
PAUL: You don’t know her.
WHEELER: I like her already.
PAUL: And she’s nice looking.
WHEELER: I’m not so hung up on that.
PAUL: I admire that about you. Your lack of standards.
WHEELER: Come on, look at me. You gotta know what pool you’re swimming in. Is she roughly my age?
PAUL: She’s a little younger than you.
WHEELER: Not too young. I don’t want some girl who doesn’t remember New Coke.
PAUL: Not too young.
WHEELER: Does she have a job?
PAUL: She has a job. She has a good job.
WHEELER: She’s not the mayor or something like that, is she?
PAUL: I don’t know if it’s a good job. It’s an interesting job. She’s a life coach.
WHEELER: What the fuck.
PAUL: A life coach. She helps people, y’know . . .
WHEELER: What, breathe?
PAUL: It’s for people who get stuck. They’re dissatisfied with life, or some aspect of their life.
WHEELER: Not like anyone I know.
PAUL: They procrastinate, or their home life is in a rut, or they just can’t decide what it is they really want to do with their life, so they consult with Jules. She’s got a healthy business, works for herself, has a lot of clients.
WHEELER: How do you know her?
PAUL: Margaret used her. She helped Margaret launch this new business with the apps.
WHEELER: The carpet thing?
PAUL: Home design. Yes.
WHEELER: How’s that going?
PAUL: Going great.
WHEELER: She making any money off that?
PAUL: Not really.
WHEELER: Any?
PAUL: No.
WHEELER: What did you say this woman’s name is? Jules?
PAUL: Jules Isch.
WHEELER: Are you saying her first name isn’t exactly Jules?
PAUL: No, I’m saying that her last name is Isch. Tell you what, we’ll double.
WHEELER: Is that a good idea?
PAUL: It’s a great idea. We’ll just go out to eat, real casual.
WHEELER: Yeah, nothing fancy, please.
PAUL: Nothing fancy.
WHEELER: Don’t take me anywhere that serves foam.
PAUL: Burgers and fries, I promise.
WHEELER: C’mon, don’t make it like that, that place was over the top.
PAUL: It’s a great restaurant.
WHEELER: Dinner should not take six hours. I’m afraid I’m going to wake up and still be eating there. And there was foam on my plate! The waiter acted like I should be happy about that. “Excuse me, does someone in the kitchen have rabies?”
PAUL: We’ll find someplace you’re comfortable. I’ll call you.
WHEELER: Thanks, Paul.
(They hug.)
PAUL: Want to play some squash soon?
WHEELER: I got all the time in the world.
PAUL: All right. Enjoy your place.
(Paul exits. Wheeler stares at his apartment.)
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