my house
always determined to not come home on time
chasing ghosts and demons
and listening for the next bit of advice
from the voices in my head.
Parental Advice
My mother told my father
it was just a phase
I was going through
a very long phase
and I would grow out
of it.
(But she secretly told me
that she understood the voices
and that I should learn the difference
between the good voices
and bad ones.)
My father
was a sworn enemy
of my imaginary friends.
Your imagination
he said
plays tricks on you
dirty tricks.
When I asked him what he meant
he tried to explain
but grew frustrated
and stomped away.
I heard him say to my mother in the kitchen
Sometimes, Fiona
Sometimes I think
that boy is not our son
at all.
Maybe they made a mistake
at the hospital
and gave us
the wrong
child.
Out of Place, Out of Time
I think I might have been about twelve
when
one of my imaginary friends
Garth
told me I didn’t belong here.
Wrong time
wrong place
was his way of explaining it.
Garth looked like a cartoon character
except he was real
well, he felt real
and talked real
(with a voice that sounded just like me)
but seemed much wiser than I was.
Declan
he told me
have you noticed you are different
from everyone else?
Yes
I said.
But there’s not much I can do about it.
That’s true
he said.
But I think someone or something
goofed
and you were supposed to be born
a long time ago
or a long time in the future.
Definitely not
here and now.
Which could explain why I never felt like
part of the crowd
like other kids.
Never felt
truly at ease at school
comfortable in groups
or even at home
in my own skin.
Save Me from Myself
Garth’s news scared me at first
because I knew
I would never fit in
and might never
be happy.
So I started trying to fit in
to be normal
have normal conversations
say things like
Hi, how are you?
and always got predictable answers
so instead I’d ask a kid at school
What is your favourite planet?
or
Where were you before you were born?
But
the harder I tried to fit in
the worse it got.
People looked at me
with scrunched-up faces.
The voices in my head got louder
angrier.
Garth said
You can’t deny who you are.
I said
But I don’t know who I am.
And I had an image of myself
unzipping the body I was in
and travelling someplace else.
A
