stage of saturation or oversaturation of each other comes after the wedding, especially if you rushed and flew into the marriage as cars fly at speed on the "Formula 1", so that they can change the wheels in a few seconds. Race cars will not be able to continue the race without this – the wheels will blow out. What will burst if you are in a hurry to get married today? Those who got married at speed were not really ready to live together; maybe they were not even going to. Well, it happened. One thing, another, and they got already used to each other, and why do you have to send each other endless messages when you can live together?
This period at the beginning of family life is ostrobogulous. Both of the newly married couple is relaxed. They start to show their individual self with all disadvantages, which were either well covered or dressed in tight jeans for strategic purposes – so as not to crumb the wedding. Love begins to drop from the boiling point to the first ice. After 1–2 years, 16 % of marriages burst, apparently “they did not get along”.
What did they both look at when they checked compatibility? There is no real concern for each other in such a short marriage. We can say that in such marriages there was no love, because they did not have time to look out for each other and to pay attention to each other. And you have to know that already 27 % of divorced women will not get married again. They will never have a chance to care about somebody in family relations! Don't you worry that it might be you? That it can be you who mistakenly got married and then remain alone. The first marriage is bound to be a flop and then you can remain alone for life. The price of the mistake in choosing a husband is huge. It is absolutely impossible to get married in a hurry, remember, especially the “first term”.
THE FIRST MARRIAGE IS BOUND TO BE A FLOP AND THEN YOU CAN REMAIN ALONE FOR LIFE. THE PRICE OF THE MISTAKE IN CHOOSING A HUSBAND IS HUGE.
The most “interesting” in the third stage is – disgust towards the shortcomings of the spouse, quarrels, impatience. The competition for power in the family is heating up. This is where marriages start to crumble like dry crackers. Love can be torn up like an unwanted piece of paper in an office paper shredder. Where is the love? It has gone. And this happens more often than we think. It ran away because one of the two in the couple was not prepared for the difficulties or simply overlooked when signed the important document in the registry office. Those who run into a new relationship and a new marriage immediately, without analyzing, without making "error correction", will again get "bad luck" at the same stage, only with another person. At this stage, divorce statistic is the highest – about 25–30 %. For all those people who are still going to get married, it is worth remembering that a couple of million potential bachelors are drug addicts, more than 10 million have been drinking alcohol heavily. And do not forget about prisoners, psychopaths, patients with uncontrolled jealousy. Most likely, you will have to put up with those who remained. This means that you will have to endure and find compromises much more than you could imagine. It is a real hard work on yourself, sometimes it is a kind of back-breaking toil.
Asking a divorced woman who is about 40 years old, I heard another “classic” answer to my question: "Where is the husband? I do not see the wedding ring? Where is he and how did you choose him, according to what criteria?".
The woman stared at me with round eyes and with a question in soaring intonation: “What? To make a choice? There are not plenty. It is necessary to take the first halfway normal!” There is a reasonable share in her words – it is not necessary to go over and dig in the grooms, but also to marry the “first comer”. To start living with him in a civil marriage is not the smartest choice also.
Therefore, it is good to choose in your youth, while there is someone to choose from, but do not delay the case after 35.
Those people, who are thinking and working on themselves with their life's «scratches» and «abrasions» from broken relationships live on, try, get acquainted on dating sites, where they polish their patience. Now they understand more. They know that quarrels, different views on the routine and obvious manifestations of selfishness are an absolutely normal part of a relationship. It is the same as brushing your teeth every day or cooking. Two always different people with different habits, character buildings and different everything else are getting used to each other. Here the sparks are as great as sharpness of the principles and character of each of them.
The wiser of the two becomes softer in order to preserve relationships and family. The wiser irons out the differences for the sake of love, “for both me and my love”. This can be called the greatest wisdom in family relationships. Love begins to warm up again. It heats up when a person with a promising set of characteristics is next to you. You cannot make anything with an indifferent egoist. He is cold to any gentleness. And you cannot forget about others who are shallow – hearted, those who do not know how to appreciate their relatives and live for them and do something for them.
In the development of such family wisdom the spouses are already thinking not about what he or she owes to the partner, but what he/ she can do for the other. As a rule, these are the most common actions, nothing special but the desire to do something for your beloved gives birth to love. The real desire turns into actions, it does not go astray in thoughts.
Just cover the sleeping spouse with a blanket, make no noise and let him sleep for another hour, vacuum instead of him, go to the dry cleaner, and turn on his favorite music, light a fragrant candle in the room. This is the peak of true love in terms of temperature and actions.
To give more than you get in return is the true expression of love. It is about clear and simple care. Giving your energy, time, and talents caring about your loved one every day – is true love. Receiving care and doing nothing in return, trying only to command, reproach, ridicule, suppress by knowledge of the topic or education in something, put ultimatums, using not “beautiful words” or yelling, live for yourself and your pleasures in marriage – this is hardly can be called ‘love’, this is selfishness with your own servant. What of this have you already seen in your life? What drives you wild?
TO GIVE MORE THAN YOU GET IN RETURN IS THE TRUE EXPRESSION OF LOVE. IT IS ABOUT CLEAR AND SIMPLE CARE.
Example:
“Honey, I love you very much!” When he sits every evening in front of the TV, and the wife first prepares food, then rushes and does in parallel, because there is not enough time in turn, washing dishes, ironing, washing the floors and the rest. At the same time, the husband can repeat more than once in the evening that he loves you, that he has a soft spot for you, that you are the best.
This is not love! Why? Is not the girl supposed to do everything around the house, and the husband's job is to get money? Got it, came, sat down, ate some food, drank, fell asleep a little, limping. After all, in most cases it is!
Let's agree that the book will rarely use the word «love» and vice versa, instead of it – a possible interpretation of its meaning in everyday life and these are – care and actions that confirm that he loves you. And another convention – I will write for girls on behalf of the male sex, but this is also a mirror for young men who choose their own best wife.
Here I want to make a watershed between ‘to love doing nothing’ and ‘to love with caring about your beloved’ in an infinite number of ways. I am for the second option, when you can see the actions in relation to you, and feel the desire to make you even a little happier. Such acts of care and attention cannot include courtship from guys before the wedding, for example, compliments, bouquets of flowers, boxes of chocolates or individual chocolates, theatre trips or evenings in the cafes, going to the parties, birthday parties and so on. Why?
These are just elements of courtship, natural guys’ steps to achieve their goals and intentions. They can be serious and many times more often not serious. Actions can be only for a pastime, for simple carnal delights. And this is exactly what the letters of this book, sequentially folded into tips, and is trying to protect you
