the wedding. After 3 months, their daughter said that she did not want to live with her husband; apparently very quickly she realized her mistake and divorced him. A year later, she got married for the second time, which means that she did not have enough time to make serious conclusions, but her parents still pay the loan with interest for the first wedding. These are the conflicts and interweaving: for the one person – getting experience from her mistakes, the other – paying for this experience. Although it is a weak argument, but still take care of your parents, please, do not do in your 18 what you need to do after growing up, at least beyond the equator of the third ten.
Should there be any standards in this matter of choosing a spouse? Do we all have to do this in an identical way, as we calculate the interest on loans, open a deposit in a bank or solve a mathematical problem "from point A to point B…"? The answer is very obvious. There should be no clear understanding of this issue.
So often there was an opinion when we talked with the girls at the stage of interviews and discussion of the topic: "Oh, and what, when I read, I will know everything and will choose the perfect husband? I wish it was so easy!"
We can confidently say: "Yes, you will choose a perfect husband for yourself with his ideal (for you) shortcomings, whom, firstly, you will know from A to Z, secondly, you will be morally ready for all his disadvantages, and the most important part – you have to try to raise the ideal man because it is most likely that the ‘ideal ones’ are few and they all are in the "red book".
Currently the statistics on marriages for women at 18 years has declined, for men it is less than 1 %. The highest percentage have girls who get married at the age of 20–25 years – about 40 %, i.e. about half of all girls try not to miss their chance and create a family in the first years of adult life – first years at work or as university students. Another 30 % – under the age of 30, and after 30 – every tenth person. So it turns out, you can not sit too long and wait too much. A hasty decision is also not good because your own world perception should be formed and it takes a time. Of course, there are also balanced marriages at an early age, for example – due to traditions, but if the situation allows then take 25 years as a reference point. It is not for nothing that statistics confirm our fears – that about 40 % of couples divorce due to the fact that at one time they made a hasty decision, registering a marriage. It also often happens under the pressure from relatives. Once again, we highlight – HASTY decision! So we should prepare according to the plan without ‘rush’.
Please, remember the statistics of divorces, it is worth repeating that those women who hurried to get married in their early ages in 60 % of cases do not marry anymore. So, every third «divorcee» will remain alone. This means that for every third woman the state "in search" will be for the rest of their lives. Do you want to be in such a long and fruitless search? And the search itself is not as terrible as the lack of implementation of women in all its manifestations. And what about the prospect of earning money and raising a child alone? What if there are two or three children? Every uncomplicated female fate shaves off all the girl's dreams of love and well-being of family everyday life. Let the statistics be your inhibiting argument for an early or hasty marriage.
Do not forget that after 35 years, the cause of female loneliness is a clear lack of men due to high mortality. And the other problem is that there is almost 15 million «army» of drug addicts, alcoholics, gambling addicts. They will skillfully hide their shortcomings, say that it is an accident or it was deep in the past. And a few million girls will believe them, marry them and have children with them…
11. Do not allow couples to go to the registry office if they
People just should not be allowed to go in the registry office (even to submit an application) in case they had never read such books. If I was there, I would give them a special, carefully prepared, test with questions right on the doorstep. How much do they know about each other? How many weaknesses have they noticed? What do they expect from each other? And if a young couple of two loving hearts scores few points – marching orders! They cannot go into. They cannot make such mistakes. Of course, it sounds categorically, but the reason for this – are endless successive failures and setbacks in choosing a husband.
Negative results of passing such a test would help young people at least to take a detached view. Whom have they chosen as a future husband or wife? Maybe it is not right decision at all or it is still very, very early to get married!
ONE OF THE GOALS OF THE BOOK IS TO GIVE YOUNG PEOPLE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE A FRESH LOOK AT THE FUTURE SPOUSE, TO SEE HIM, TO UNDERSTAND HIS "INNER FILLING" AS FULLY AS POSSIBLE AT THIS POINT IN LIFE.
One of the goals of the book is to give young people the opportunity to take a fresh look at the future spouse, to see him, to understand his "inner filling" as fully as possible at this point in life. After all, there may be new habits and worse manifestations. Few people get better as the years go by because self-improvement is a real hard work to do. So that "it would not be tormenting painfully" for the unhappily lived years, so that your risks with this person were clear – what can he do that is not acceptable to you, in what ways are you not the same as he or she and what will you have to endure year after year. Knowing your risks, knowing what you have to put up with, – it would be much easier to take this path. Then you would not be strongly surprised, have a temper tantrum, pose the question point – black, complain to your friends or parents, and seek consolidation in wine, saying to yourself: "I wish I knew what he is like." Forewarned is forearmed for family life!
An even greater aim of our narration is to talk to adults who know life, who have experienced themselves in the marriage or in more marriages. The message is addressed to them – children need to be taught in the matter of choosing a second half. Adults have to talk with them, explain many issues, discuss their beliefs and hopes, and shape their views together, wisely directing from situation to situation. The analysis of current situations in the child's personal life or situations in the family is a great material for learning. For example, friendship with boys. Please try to discuss how the daughter sees her friend, how she evaluates his actions, whether she sees the reasons for such actions, especially bad or half-hearted. Even if your adult, personal experience in a relationship or marriage is negative or has brought disappointments, tell your child why and how did you make mistakes, why did you make wrong decisions, and what happened. The negative experience of parents will be the part which the child will try to avoid in his own life, especially if you talk about it and have a confidential communication with the child. Although in the interview, which we will soon move on to, there is an example of a daughter repeating the mistakes of a mother with an early pregnancy.
Can we imagine that parents would not teach a child to treat older people with respect? Just imagine for a second: a child, not knowing what to do, do not understand the situation when he or she sees an elderly person in a transport or other place, he/she just sits quietly, does not stand up for an old woman, for example. After all, the understanding that it is necessary to stand up, appears precisely because of a set of measures and actions in childhood. Parents always talk about this and make sure that the child does not violate these established norms in relation to older people. They set an example by their own actions, politeness to them in conversations, etc. The child absorbs this and acts in adult life in the same way independently. As a result, there is education – and also there is a result at its core.
FOREWARNED IS FOREARMED FOR FAMILY LIFE!
Now let's switch over to education, which is not yet available or sometimes it is practically absent. And if parents do not teach their children, then there is no result. How to find out what the person who is next to you is like, especially when you are in a relationship with him/ her? Parents often cannot teach, because no one has prepared them. Nobody told them they need to analyze every detail. What kind of things do you have to know in the pre-wedding relationship with the future spouse? Parents often have only their own negative experience. And do you know how many cases of
