her own actions a little, she said: "I think that it was very stupid." I fell in love so much that then I experienced a long depression. I considered what had happened as a collapse. When the guy found out that she was older than him, he abruptly lost interest and "ran away". Such mistakes are made by a lot of people, complementing the image of a guy with desirable qualities, which sometimes are not even close to the reality. This embellishing in pink glasses is forced by many desires – to be in love, to be loved, to get married or just have your own man.
These situations are everywhere and they are very frequent, especially with young people. Of course it is natural not only for youth. Some ladies and gentlemen who are already older than 18 years can also try to complete the picture of their crushes. Such people can join a group of ‘artists’. Why are they ‘artists’? First of all, because, knowing almost nothing about a person, having no time to understand or having no experience due to age or mental state, such great ‘artists’ embellish the image of a loved one. They finish the ‘picture’ of their beloved ones in their own heads automatically. And it happens sometimes after 2–3 bouquets of flowers or one good evening together or hanging around a month or two or after chatting in WhatsApp. They redraw in their dreams a picture of a real person to the perfect one or to the one that is very good from all sides and in all spheres.
KNOWING ALMOST NOTHING ABOUT A PERSON, HAVING NO TIME TO UNDERSTAND OR HAVING NO EXPERIENCE DUE TO AGE OR MENTAL STATE, SUCH GREAT ‘ARTISTS’ EMBELLISH THE IMAGE OF A LOVED ONE.
And now, he is kind, beautiful, caring, calm and generous, the best groom ever! If you have a smile on your face now, then there is no point in continuing to tell that this is not so easy and that all girls like to embellish.
Those people who with patience, intelligence and effort create an ideal man for themselves bit by bit in their minds can be called such ‘artists’. They met a real person with his or her own pros and cons, he or she might be ‘a loser’ or even mentally and spiritually disassembled. But these ‘artists’ draw all the missing features. Those people are ‘artists’ who help him or her to be happy, successful in marriage and career, revealing his talents. Who tell them “you are my help – mate in everyday life”, “You are so helpful in raising children”, so that this (embellished in the head) person feels like he or she is the head of the family, even if this is not quite true.
There is no serious reason to make such an exhaustive and beautiful «portrait» of a guy for a short period of time. Especially if you know that he gave his hand a couple of times when you were going down the stairs or present you your favorite perfume or a box of sweets/ chocolates or even worse – writes that he misses you and thinks about you constantly.
Naturally, each guy will have his own advantages. The main mistake is that people always cling to what they see. Lovers stop «seeing» and looking for flaws, but they must get acquainted with them, and in perfect way – before the wedding.
Please, be honest with yourself and stop finishing the image of your beloved one. And please stop suffering even knowing nothing in fact about your “hero” and ‘best man’ from all sides. And if you have a relationship in full swing or it has just begun – there is time and a lot of obligatory steps that will be described in this book. Let the brushes and bright colors lie down for a while, it is time to make detailed sketches of all the «cracks» and bends of your date but now only in pencil.
10. At 18 – it’s too early, at 30 – it’s late
Women who have married for the first time at the age of 18 are unanimous in one thing – it was "too early" and their own opinion – “I was stupid then, I did not know life”. And guys too, in many ways in 18 still have many childish and infantile habits for serious relationships. Parents of such children are often the first to see the sharp corners in the relationships of the young and with great caution go with them to the registry office, hoping that everything just is going to work out. Both – the girl and the boy – grow up being in marriage, change a lot and become real adults. Now they are obliged to get used to new manifestations of each other, sometimes to such which were not visible at all at the beginning of their married life. This is the period at the beginning of family life after marriage, when youthful ideas about love, relationships, mutual giving to each other break down reality.
In the first years of their life together, they may realize that everything is not so simple and not as you imagined at all. And here your husband is either your assistant to smooth the corners and share the load, or he is: "Oh, I am the sickest man in the world…", – as the wonderful Karlsson said. And if in the story with Karlsson he added: "What are you worth, you promised me to be my own mother!", then your phrase to the husband doing nothing but sound with easy reproach: “What are you worth, you promised me to be the closest person!”
We promised to go with each other through life hand in hand, together experiencing the joy of happy days and sorrows. Young, with not strong enough mind and balanced forecasts for the future they refer to love so easily! They think love will help them to overcome everything. They fulfill forms in the registry office in a rush dreaming of the best future. Yes, of course love can definitely overcome everything, forgive, change the character, teach you how to ‘spend’ yourself for your partner and get a real pleasure from it. Only it is not just a guy's attraction to a girl, it is not only a desire. Such love – is a spiritual work on your consciousness, on your natural laziness and selfishness so that each of your word, movement or deal makes your beloved better. Try to find these strings in your partner in crime, perhaps they will be able to tune in unison with the true love, with your desire to build your family hearth in delightful estimates. Life shows that people begin to think about this as they grow up but certainly not when we are at the age of 18. So you also can grow up, if all the sentences does not make any sense to you.
SUCH LOVE – IS A SPIRITUAL WORK ON YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS, ON YOUR NATURAL LAZINESS AND SELFISHNESS SO THAT EACH OF YOUR WORD, MOVEMENT OR DEAL MAKES YOUR BELOVED BETTER.
Why does the age play a crucial role in this choice? Why do you think of him as an angel at 18 and closer to 30 you ‘do not have enough fresh air’ and now you would not have married him in any way? What has happened over the years? The answer is very simple – growing up and opening the ‘package’. After re-reading the book I hope that you will become more practical, analyze your current and former relationships, and become older in this issue.
It doesn't come for our mind to expect a 5 year old child to be a 10 year old, or from a 15 year old girl to be a 25 year old woman? We are waiting for the natural growth of children, when they will step by step learn the rules of behavior, what is allowed and what is not. We teach them by our own example and try to learn from others too. At this age, when the child is not yet able to think sensibly and practically himself, we have full responsibility and control over him. We do not let him stumble, get burned, ‘make a real mess of things’. But after 18 and sometimes even earlier, children begin to make their own decisions and do some stuff in which we do not have time to interfere or we are not allowed. Children do not let us because they consider themselves as already experienced persons and they have been waiting for so long to say "I will figure it out", "I know how it would be better", etc. What remains for parents? They can only try to advise but in the matter of choosing your fiancé, the probability of influence at this age is almost absent, at least in most families.
If you are 18 years old or approximately 18 today, my advice to you – do not rush to get married, do not be in a hurry because it would not be you to say a very popular phrase among divorced people in 5–10 years: "If I understood it then." It would be more logical and useful in order to reduce divorce – to allow marriage, for example, after 25 years, a kind of 25+ law. There would be of fewer mistakes. This sometimes affects not only those who say ‘marry me’ and those who say ‘I am getting married’, but also their parents. One girl's parents shared a similar situation that happened in their lives. Their daughter abruptly got
