from Maxim’s side, a feeling that he is always near her. Of course, she wished him to be near in reality and that unrealistic dreams did not let her relax. She suffered from the lack of opportunity to enjoy the feeling totally. Time was letting know about the grand difference between them when they were together. Svetlana tried to take a control many times and not let her feelings grow, or vice versa let them overwhelm her. However, none of the strategies worked. Unusual thoughts visited her head: «Could that be a purpose of my life? To understand this feeling, just like it is! Then why is he so much younger? Is that possible to perceive the power of love when you see another person each day»? She always answered negatively to the last question.
Svetlana looked at the phone for a long time before she picked it up. She was thinking of what to tell Maxim, but not being able to make up anything, she dialed the number.
– Hello!
«It is his mom probably», – thought the teacher.
– Hello, this is Svetlana Victorovna. Can I talk to Maxim?
– Yes of course, please hold on, it will be a white till he gets to the phone…
– Oh, ok, I’ll wait!
She was getting anxious, but tried to get herself together.
– Hello I am listening; – confidence in Max voice helped her.
Sveta remained quiet, confused in thoughts and feelings.
– Maxim! This is Svetlana Victorovna calling. How are you feeling? – «Dear», – Max finished her phrase and replied:
– At this point I feel ok but I have to wear gypsum for a while. Then I’ll need to learn how to walk again, because foot muscles would become weak after two months. This is how I am doing. How are you doing? I feel nervousness in your voice.
– I am better, but still recovering. Do teachers give you classes at home?
– Yes. In algebra and chemistry. I was also told that you would be coming over too.
It was very difficult for her to reply but since she had no choice, she tried not to worry and replied:
– Maxim, I am very sorry but I won’t be able to visit you. I wish I could, but I haven’t felt great myself and missed over three weeks at work. Really, I want to give you home classes but I can’t. My apologies.
– I am sorry about that. I wanted to see you! When will we see each other?
– I can give you homework for now and check it when you back to school.
– Ok, I understand. I will keep doing exercises from the book then and do some literature reading. Classmates visit me so they will inform me of the program and help if that would be needed.
– Ok, Maxim, get well! Take care.
– I’ll miss you, – Max added and hang up, not being able to play with feelings of his beloved one.
Svetlana heard the phone tones for a while till they became irritating. She felt anxiety again and got angry at herself for not saying anything warm to Maxim, even thought she had a lot to say. Svetlana tried to get herself together again and remembered that after the surgery she needs to stay in bed. What is the point to torture yourself when you are so weak? Lying at the couch, she had another cigarette, turned on the quite music and tried to breathe evenly. She felt how her heartbeat and breath are getting normal. Svetlana put away unfinished cigarette, watching it producing smoke, and then felt the weakness in the body and later freedom from it.
VIII
– What did she want, Maxim? What did she ask? Maxim! Do you listen to me?! – Valentina Nikolaevna tried to reach out to her son. She was watching his rapidly changing mimics with surprise and couldn’t believe how fast his mood and face can alter. She became concerned that he was silent and didn’t move. “What should I do?!” – She was worried, and after looking at herself in the mirror started to worry even more. All of the sudden Valentina Nikolaevna realized that if her son remained still and silent, she wouldn’t be able to contain herself and would blow up. She came close to him, touched by the shoulder and asked: – Maximochka, what is wrong dear?
Instead of giving an answer, Maxim looked in the mirror at himself and his mom and understood the reason of her fear. Leaning on the self-made crutch, he left for his room without saying a word. He was walking down the hall slowly, fighting pain and dizziness, holding to the walls sometimes and taking breaks when dizziness was getting worse. Valentina watched him with astonishment and she had a feeling that she was watching his whole life passing by. Just like that, despite all hardships and difficulties, her son would be overcoming all life problems. With hard effort but so confidently, oh God! He would be able to achieve everything! Valentina Nikolaevna, with horror in eyes and pain in the heart suddenly understood that her son – almost mature man, and very soon she would lose him from life. He became dissolved in the adult life which would swallow him, just like her and the rest of people. Mother felt uncomfortable-she realized that everything started with that phone call and started to cry soundlessly, so that Maxim would not hear from his room. She felt down and tears were shedding even more. Very disappointed, she went to the bathroom and washed with cold water. Looking at herself in the mirror, Valentina Nikolaevna said to herself: «Why am I being stupid and keep on crying? I need to be glad for my son! Help him out. Gosh, what is going on with me? Why is it affecting me so strongly? What is happening»? Cold water made her calm down, so when she left the bathroom she proceeded to Maxim’s room.
After turning off the music and closing algebra book, mother sat next to her son. Putting away pen and notebook, Max looked at the mother sitting near and noticed by her reddish face that she was crying and worried about him. He always felt bad when the most precious person in his life – his mom – is suffering so much because of him. He was getting frustrated with himself involuntary for giving even a little reason for concerns. He always tried to avoid it and be an adult. It was the right thing to do, but that was something that was scaring his mother. Maxim thought that she was afraid to loose him because he was growing up. However, if he started to act childishly she was becoming irritated: she started to yell at him, showing her disapproval and reminded that she considered him an adult and not the little kid. Maxim had no idea how to deal with the situation. However, he knew that the best thing was to ask his mother weather to take a certain action or not. When he was telling something to his mom, she always put herself in the situation and was not interested or cared for situation. When something was very important for Max, mother thought that it was absolutely not necessary for him. He tried to tell it to his mom all the time but she didn’t understand. At those moments it seemed that she does not try to understand him, or (more then likely) just can’t. He assumed that she loved him very much, more then he loves her, if that could be possible. Every time when Max talked to her he tried to think of something insignificant or to discuss topics that were important to her. He tried to talk of those things easily and acceptably, as if he let know that everything connected with her was interesting. Son felt that they both can’t feel relaxed when spending time together. He could feel his mother’s worries and did not know how to start a dialog: her inner concerns reached him and he could not fight them.
– I was informed that the teacher won’t be able to visit me. I need to learn everything by myself and when I am back to school she would check all my assignments.
Max was looking at his mom and it seemed that she didn’t hear him, thinking about her own problems.
– What is the reason she can’t visit you?
– She does not feel good and missed three
