worry son, we’ll have time to celebrate. Grandma is lonely there by herself? Don’t be upset with her, all right?
– Ok, I won’t!
– Good boy! Daddy and myself have prepared a present for you. You’ll see it when you come over!
– Yes, mom! I miss you.
– Ok, son, it is almost midnight. Don’t upset grandma.
Nikita changed the subject:
– Mom, how are you feeling?
– I am good dear. I am sending you many kisses and hugs. Once more, happy New Year son! I love you!
– I love you too mom! Get well!
Nikita hang up the phone, but Svetlana was still listening the beeps trying to visualize him at this important moment.
– Let’s sit down at the table! It is almost midnight!
Svetlana sighted when the cork loudly flied out of the champagne bottle, hit the ceiling and landed on the phone. Then, hearing the clock bit, she hangs up the phone, lifted the glass with champagne and drained it to the dregs, congratulating everyone with the holiday. The concert on TV began, so everyone watched and listened to it attentively. No one said a single word; people were thinking of their problems and digressed from thoughts in order to fill up the plates. Svetlana was watching Arthur, Ludmila and Vadim. They were concerned and tried to leave their worries behind at least for the evening, relax and have a good time. Problems can be solved later. Then it is time to expect new nuisances that are often unnecessary and pitiful, moreover, created by people themselves.
Svetlana remembered school problems which she had created for herself. She ruined relationships with everyone: colleagues, directorships, students… What was the reason for that? What influenced her actions? The answer to the question scared her. She was frightened to confess that personal pride and fake magnitude had found shelter in her soul and were giving her guidance. It seemed to be right and decent behavior. However, instead of understanding and respect which she hoped to receive, she was given quite the opposite! She was avoided, not paid attention to. Students were scared to go to her class, expecting rudeness and harshness They were petrified in front of her, intimidated to say a word. She was proud of that! Even thought she knew that the girls from her class address other teachers in order to get help in difficult life scenarios, or just to hear the advice, to talk. Svetlana created barriers. She suffered inside, but inhibited her feelings. Right after classes she was going home and did not let anyone into her life.
At that moment she was looking at Ludmila, who was sitting near her at the festive table, giving her gratitude inside. Ludmila opened her eyes and helped her see her fallacy, absolutely needless one, ultimately disturbing. Svetlana tried to change more then once; she even asked for advice how to correct herself. It seemed impossible, unrealistic and intimidating to overcome yourself. There is an abyss in front on her, and it is extremely frightening to step into the unknown. The fear is actually reaching the level of panic terror. Svetlana was trying to get rid of those thoughts. She suffered and didn’t know how to act. Once she had a panic attack when the son was watching a horror movie. She ran to the video recorder, almost broke it, and damaged a couple of tapes. Her husband and son had to make arrangements with neighbors to watch a movie at their place.
Svetlana made a wish, believing sincerely in the magic of the New Year’s eve: she wanted to change and start living a fulfilling life. She wanted to give people warmth and happiness, not fear or jealously. If she is able to control herself, then… Svetlana lost her breath because she imagined Maxim, standing at her closed door and knocking on it. Every knock reflected with the heart burn. She suddenly realized that life events depend on her too, not only on Max, as she always thought. All of his efforts would lead to no result if she just waited. «I am surprised, – Svetlana thought, – it does not scare me at all! May be I am ready? – then she said to herself absolutely calmly: – Yes, Maxim, now I am totally ready»! She poured more champagne in the glass, drank it, poured some more; then she put the glass in front of her on the table and continued brainwork: «He was probably trying to bring some positivism into my life for a long time, but I could not even notice it! It is interesting, how did I manage to fall in love with him? No matter how long I think about it, I can’t find the answer».
– I want to stitch the TV channel, any objections?
Svetlana tried to visualize Maxim. She always wanted her man to be chaste, with pure thoughts and clear intentions. She wanted him to be a real man, not just to be called a man! All mature and serious men that she had known, even her husband, processed certain flaws that made her change the attitude towards them. These flaws were killing all the feelings she had: respect, friendship, warmth. That was the reason which made her create a wall between herself and people around. Holding flowers, presented by Maxim, Svetlana saw an ideal man in the little boy. She was positive that ideal man did not exist. She thought that love was only a pitiful fiction of laity, who knows nothing about it. Svetlana was overwhelmed by hew new love. It knocked her down, turned her head, and changed everything. When she looked in the little boy’s eyes, she saw the sight of the mature man. He didn’t feel a small boy at those moments- it was Svetlana who felt herself a little girl under the influence of his powerful inner strength. Her hearted cowered when he dissolved in the crowd of students, dressed up for the occasion! And she, a mature woman, was standing at her spot for a long time, searching him in the crowd and scolding herself for not asking his name.
«Can it be true that I am going to remember this moment all my life?! – Svetlana thought and answered herself: – Yes, of course! I’ll be remembering it every moment of my life! God, thank you for this feeling»! She remembered again how she looked into Maxim’s eyes, feeling extremely happy: he was her student! She became stronger; it seemed, that just a little more – and he would shine with love, honestly, sincerity and kindness. Svetlana wanted to learn from him how to be opened for others, how to become an understanding and bright personality. She realized that she was ready for it. She will be watching his actions, movements, and manners, walk. She will become as pure as he is. When Maxim will see that she has changed, that will be a signal for action. He is the only person who can help her to achieve her dream. «I need to prepare myself for new life during the holiday time», – Svetlana said herself and had some more champagne.
XII
Maxim was walking around the room. He was surprised that the ceiling is very low and he could almost touch it with the head. Everything surrounding him was sparkling and clear and it was necessary to close eyes tight from the bright light. He always dreamed to be like that – bright and pure, ideal and flawless. Max stopped, realizing, that he was that kind of person. He enjoyed the harmony in his soul and pictured the feelings of people to whom he was granting it. He wanted to share this valuable feeling with everyone. Max was not even depressed by the circumstance that everyone took as much as he could, and not as much as Max could give. He understood that with time any human being would try to do that. Unfortunately, not every person, but still many would enter his world that he tried to create under the will of the Father. He wanted to purify people spiritually and to show them how to live and love in a right way. There is no need to lock yourself in problems, following the path of mistakes and delusions. Young man was delighted by this spectacular feeling of spiritual strength, which was blinding even for him. This inner power fortified him more and more guided his actions by lightening his path. He was walking under that light, confident that he was involved in a very remarkable task. It didn’t matter much what he was doing; even when he ate or slept, he was still loyal to righteousness and love. Sometimes, when he experienced moments of despair, this strength was carrying him away to other places or was creating other conditions, more often very complex ones. Max felt that the set task was impracticable; but he still applied his efforts to solve it, overwhelming himself with the unrealistic burden. When
