“Friendships That Money Can Buy,” reported by the National Center for Biotechnology Information, looked at the connection between money and social support. The authors of the study found that “greater financial security predicted greater social connectedness, which in turn supported better health.” Their conclusion? Financial security “increases opportunities for social connection.” Makes sense. If you have the financial wherewithal to join a gym or tennis center, travel, eat out socially, spend time volunteering, go to the theater, and so forth, you increase your opportunities for social interactions and creating friendships. (More on achieving financial security in Chapters 7, 8, and 9.)
We've heard the expression “friends with benefits.” Well, friends are the benefit! We all want – and need – to have someone to “play with” in retirement. It's worth noting that many of us worry about making new friends. We tend to have a lower opinion of ourselves and think we are more boring than others think we are. It's called the “liking gap,” and a study in 2018, pairing strangers together for conversations, found that people were better liked and made better impressions than they thought they did. It's very helpful to know we're more likable than we think we are!
Secret 4: Have a Healthy Body and Mind
“Heartache.” “Gut-wrenching.” Money worries that cause headaches. When we think of “mind,” we need to go beyond just the analytical structure of the brain; our mind includes beliefs, attitudes, and emotions. There has been tremendous research demonstrating the powerful effect of the mind-body connection:
One study investigated the link between positive thinking and the risk of frailty. The researchers followed 1,558 older adults for seven years and compared frailty (determined by speed of walking, strength of grip, weight loss and fatigue), with positive thinking by asking participants how many particular positive thoughts they had over the course of the study (such as “I feel hopeful about the future”). As a group, frailty increased among the aging adults, but those with positive emotions and thinking were less likely to become frail.
Another study followed 545 men for 15 years and found that the most optimistic men in the group were half as likely to die from cardiovascular disease as the men who were least optimistic.
Why does optimism work? It's thought that positive emotions may directly influence body chemicals in a way that affects health. And, positive people tend to have increased social interactions (back to Secret 3), which may result in more access to resources.
University of Pennsylvania psychologist Martin Seligman, PhD, has studied happiness and optimism for decades. Seligman suggests we go beyond seeking pleasure and instead look for gratification. What's the difference? Pleasure is not necessarily meaningful and does not always result in a greater good. For example, eating a piece of cheesecake may be pleasurable and feed your stomach, but it doesn't feed your soul. Gratification involves cultivating and nurturing your strengths and putting them to positive use. As an example, Darlene V. and Jonathan tragically lost their first child just prior to childbirth. Although devastated by the loss, they set up a foundation at a local hospital to provide indigent women with the financial resources to bury children who died under similar circumstances. Darlene and Jonathan took their strengths of compassion, generosity, and financial savvy and parlayed them into a gratifying experience in the midst of their sorrow. Likewise, we can cultivate happiness by incorporating strengths such as kindness, humor, optimism and courage into everyday life. Happiness is more of a by-product than a goal.
Martin Seligman coined the term “learned helplessness,” the concept that we internalize that nothing we do matters – that we cannot control our environment, even if we're placed in a new situation. Seligman's findings originally applied to dogs who received unavoidable mild shocks in a lab setting; when the dogs were placed in a new situation, they had “learned” they could not avoid/change their situation, and did not try to do so. Seligman says we can escape this belief that we have no control with “learned optimism.” He suggests “… not to ruminate about bad events that happen to you … I recommend fun distractions, because studies show that if you think about problems in a negative frame of mind, you come up with fewer solutions.” We can train ourselves to think more optimistically and put a stop to distorted ways of thinking. When you think negatively about something, note it, evaluate it, and replace the thought with something more realistic. It takes practice, but it's an effective tool for increasing happiness.
Having a sound body and mind is so important for a successful retirement that Chapter 6 is devoted to this “secret.” I've mentioned the word “healthspan” before, and it's worth repeating that this is the goal: “live long and prosper” – not only financially, but also physically and mentally.
Secret 5: Have a Strong Financial Plan
Ah, yes … money! For many retirement books, finance is the dominant or only topic. It's tremendously important, which is why three chapters are devoted to this “Secret.” A few stories and studies about money and retirement that are worth mentioning:
Most of us want to project a confident, got-it-together façade. So, it's very concerning that two-thirds of those in a 2021 Retirement Risk Readiness Study by Allianz Life reported they were concerned about healthcare costs, the rising cost of living, and not having enough money to do what they want in retirement, but they were not bringing up these issues with their financial professionals. Yet, the survey takers also said they would like to discuss them with their advisor. Ironic that the people who could help them may not know what is really bothering their clients. Kind of like when we go to a doctor's appointment and we are not really forthcoming on what's troubling us or symptoms we may have. So, speak up! And financial professionals … be proactive in your questions.
Does money bring happiness? Recall the ancient fable “The Golden Touch.” A king named Midas performed a good deed and was granted a wish by a god. Midas wanted everything he touched to turn into gold. The god warned him this was not a good wish, but Midas persisted, and his wish was reluctantly granted. At first Midas was thrilled with his new power, but then when he became hungry and his food turned into gold and he could not eat it, he realized he had made a BIG mistake. His beloved daughter, trying to comfort him, also turned into gold. Not scientific, but a good message that money isn't everything. (But, let's face it – it is important.)
A 2020 study in Social Psychology and Personality Science involved almost 1,300 adults who reported their income as well as how frequently, on average, they felt happy and how intensely happy they felt. The results found a higher income was related to feeling happy slightly more often, but there was no relationship to the intensity. So, money itself did not bring a giant boost in happiness, but may allow people to experience happiness more often.
“Keeping up with the Joneses.” Sarah Newcomb, PhD, a behavioral economist at Morningstar, cites three studies that found that “where a person believes they stand relative to others has a much larger effect on happiness than absolute income.” The power of social comparisons is huge; even those participants in the study making large salaries felt bad about themselves when they made upward comparisons to others. Advice: Compare yourself to those who make the same or less. Or think about how far you've advanced financially compared to your younger self – use your younger self as a reference rather than others. You'll be a lot happier than obsessing about the rich guy or gal down the block.Best view of money? It's valuable because it can buy time, freedom, and choices (although too many choices can be a negative). And, as my CPA friend says, “Retirement planning doesn't have to be hard,
