of obscurity around ourselves? This is a kind of intuitive protection – to hide behind a thousand doors of your secrets waiting for the only one, the one who is worthy to walk through each of them up to the very last one…
***
Jonny was the first man I trusted and could give myself up to completely. I allowed my egg cell to open up and let in his masculine particle inside it. Fusion, an explosion, fireworks! At that second I was the most relaxed woman in the world.
On the outside everything was as it always was; the sun, sea, beach, the regularity of summer weather during Egypt’s winter. But from that minute a new galaxy began to develop inside of me, a spiral of vitality unwinding at breakneck speed, a budding flower of love opening up its petals.
A day before conception a no less noteworthy event took place; we ascended Moses’ holy mountain – Sinai.
***
It was twilight when our journey to the summit began. We were going to meet the sunrise to be wedded and have our union blessed by Ra, the Sun himself. Some Bedouins met us at the foot of the mountain offering to sell us warm clothes. We bought some and let them keep the change to gain favour with the local spirits. It was our gift to that place in the form of money.
We made our way into the centre of the night’s eye. Nothing but rocks around us and a serpentine path as we went up, up and up. Some people didn’t hold out to the end and stopped to rest in small Bedouin huts. Others were short of breath, had headaches and could feel their blood pressure rising. This powerful place cleansed everyone who was in need of it. The local camels moved in a very relaxed manner as if they were floating on air and felt no strain from the ascent or loads on their backs.
With each metre the air became colder and the wind stronger. About half-way into our climb Jonny went a bit further ahead and I was left alone with the Wind. It felt as if it had been tracking me for a long time and had finally chosen this moment to reveal itself. My old lover had come back, as they sometimes do to get nourishment from us, test our resilience and see to what extent we’ve freed ourselves from them. And if we give in they take our female power.
The Wind wanted me to show it my vitality. It roared so strongly that I felt that I would fall off the mountain edge any second. I noticed that the energy of primal fear had awakened from deep inside my belly. And there, a metre away from me, a huge boulder caught my eye with a small hollow of safety in its centre. I squeezed myself into it with such force that I almost managed to get my whole body inside it. At that moment the stone seemed like plasticine to me, which I could use as a duvet to cover myself with. I pressed my whole body into it so as not to be carried away by the Wind.
Before this I had thought that I was tired from the long ascent, but nothing could be further from the truth; we have so many resources hidden inside ourselves which we are not even aware of until we are faced with a situation like this. The Replege movements which I was taught by my mentors came to the ancients this way i.e. when they clearly felt their vitality and began to move in a specific manner. This is why the exercises activate our inner potential and make us feel the intensity of life.
Jonny felt that I had got stuck somewhere and hurried back. Seeing me at the edge of the cliff he stretched out his hand and said “Don’t be afraid, just hold on to me.” I did as he said and was saved. The Wind disappeared straight away, as if it had never been there in the first place. We moved on.
I didn’t see anything apart from rocks, which we had to walk on carefully so as not to stumble on them. Jonny saw two shooting stars and shouted to me to look up and make a wish. We both made the same wish – for us to have children together. I felt that the stars were souls coming down from the cosmos. Newcomers, new guests in our world…
***
Each stone emanated its own hue: red, yellow, blue, purple. I felt like a lynx pouncing from one stone to the other. There was lightness and gracefulness to my movements. The stones I needed to step on pulled my feet towards them. That’s how I covered ground.
Just before morning we reached the summit. The group had almost but dispersed. Some people had stayed overnight in the little huts. For Jonny and me the ascent was a colossal cleanse from past ties and the summit was the apogee – transformation, the start of a new life, a strengthened union, swearing oaths of love. True love which only happens once in a lifetime. Everything that had come before was searching, sport, interests… One can make up a lot of names, but when true love comes nothing can compare to it and everything fades away in its light.
I had almost stopped believing in its existence. I was tired of the search for partners and the repetitive process of building a relationship and then breaking it up. How painful and energy-consuming it was to invest in a person and then break everything that had taken such effort to build. To break up without looking back. I was so tired of it that I had almost accepted to be a wild wolf in the wild forest of creation…
What we had made this night journey over the rocks for had begun to show itself – the sun was rising. I witnessed red light filling everything around it through the mountain range. It felt as if the sun had spilled itself over the whole sky and swallowed it. Fiery reddish-burgundy flashes rampaged around. It was incredibly beautiful. I’d never seen anything like it. A few minutes after that sun had appeared, another sun began to swim up from behind the mountain tops, showing itself without haste, bit by bit until it had turned into a big yellow disc.
Morning had broken. All who had witnessed this miracle were bathed in light. Everyone stood in a state of bliss and smiled at each other. This was a dawn of new hope for each person. It was a new stage in life; to leave the past in the past and start living a new page of life.
Jonny and I waited for the group to start their journey back down the mountain. Left in solitude we did the sun salute ritual to the 4 points of the compass on the mountain’s gathering point.
Sun salute
This practice is done at dawn. First we face east since the sun rises from this direction. Palms pressed together at heart level, we breathe in and stretch our arms out to the sides. We look at the sun and breathe in his energy and on the inhalation bring our hands together. Repeat 4 times.
We then turn to face north, repeat the movements 4 times, then west, south and back to east where we conclude the movements.
At sunset everything except for the breathing is the same – we stretch our arms out on an exhalation and join them together on an inhalation. At sunset we breathe out everything that we’ve amassed during the day. We renew our energy and bid farewell to the old Sun so that tomorrow we can welcome a new day with the new experiences it will bring.
***
After the Sun salute Jonny and I set down 4 scarab statuettes at each point of the compass. They were given to us as a present by Egyptian healer Osama, guardian of the ancient secrets of pharaohs on how to prepare rejuvenating oils, creams and healing teas, passed down to him by his ancestors. The scarabs were painted different colours, each symbolizing its direction or wind: green – east, blue – north, purple – west, brown – south. It is known that the ancient knowledge of Egypt, Mexico and other civilizations has a common root and the importance of number four can also been seen in Egyptian sources. We left the scarabs as an offering to this place and began our descent.
Week 2
The test showed two stripes. Clear laughter of heartfelt happiness rang out from my body. Jonny came into the bathroom and understood straight away. He lifted me up in his arms hugging me tightly. We laughed like children. We were those sun-filled children. We already knew about my pregnancy beforehand but were confirming it a second time for ourselves.
