in to tell the pair that the binders they’re arguing about should go on a shelf, you can facilitate a conversation about the real issue – respect. After you address the issue of respect, where the binders should go will be relatively easy to decide.
In Chapter 2, I go into more detail about filters, values and the emotions individuals bring to conflict.
Most organisations embrace positive emotions. Where managers often falter is in failing to recognise that every emotion – from upbeat to angry – is a clue to discovering people’s personal values. Positive emotions are a sign that values are being met, while negative ones suggest that some work still needs to be done!
It’s obvious that a situation has turned emotional when tears flow or an employee ratchets up the volume when he speaks, to the point that the entire office slips into an uncomfortable silence. What’s a little more difficult is knowing what to do with such passionate responses. Emotional reactions are often seen as negative behaviour in just about any workplace, but if you spend some time investigating and interpreting them, you can get a leg up on how to resolve the trouble. Check out Chapter 2 for a complete discussion of emotions at work.
Communication makes the world go round, and the same is true for you and your employees. Word choice, tone of voice and body language all contribute to whether or not you understand each other.
Using vague or confusing language causes communication misfires. Phrases such as ‘when you get a chance’, ‘several’, or ‘sometimes’ don’t accurately state what you really mean. Similarly, words like ‘always’ and ‘never’ can get you in trouble. Choosing your words wisely, and in a way that invites dialogue, makes for a less stressful work environment and models good communication. See Chapter 2 for more tips on communicating effectively.
Two employees can completely understand each other and work like a well-oiled machine. Then a third co-worker joins the team, and now you have group dynamics in play. Wow, that changes everything! A team that’s cohesive and meeting its goals can be exhilarating from management’s perspective. But if cliques form and co-workers start looking for allies to enlist in power plays behind closed doors, communication breaks down.
Teams have a propensity to label members – the caretaker, the go-to guy, the historian and so on. Employees start to make assumptions based on the labelled roles, such as assuming that the go-to guy will happily accept any assignment you give him. Conjecture based on limited or selective information causes miscommunication, misunderstandings and, ultimately, conflict.
To address what happens when members of a group are undergoing difficulties, investigate how and when the problem started and determine if the problem stems from just a few staff members or if the impact is so great that you need to tackle the problem with the entire team. And flip to Chapter 3 for more information on the way group dynamics can contribute to conflict.
Something you’re either doing or not doing may be causing friction on your team, and you may not even know what it is. Most people in conflict tend to spend more time thinking about what the other person is doing than looking at their own behaviour and attitudes toward the difficulty.
Chapter 4 outlines some of the common missteps that colleagues, and especially managers, make in their attempts to handle problems at work. I discuss ways you may be unwittingly pitting team members against each other, address the dreaded micromanaging accusation, and explain how underrepresenting your team to the higher-ups may unite them in a way that puts you at the centre of a storm.
Mediating like a Pro
When I meet with clients in conflict, I prefer to use a tried-and-true mediation process that looks at both the surface issues and the underlying causes for the difficulty. In this section, I show you why mediation is your best bet for a long-term solution and improved working relationship.
Using a solid process to mediate a meeting between co-workers in conflict gives you a foundation on which to manage and monitor the difficulty. Follow these steps from a professional mediation process:
1. Do preliminary planning and setup: Carefully investigate who’s involved and what you believe the issues are, and invite the parties to discuss the matter with you. Provide a private, comfortable and confidential environment for the meeting.
2. Greet and discuss the process: Explain your role as a neutral facilitator and go over the ground rules, including your expectation for open minds and common courtesy.
3. Share perspectives: Give each person an opportunity to share her point of view and discuss the impact the conflict has had on her. Reflect, reframe and neutralise emotional content while honouring the spirit of what she’s sharing.
4. Build an agenda: Allow both parties to create a list of topics (not solutions) they want to discuss. The list acts as a road map that keeps the discussion on track.
5. Negotiate in good faith: As co-workers discuss initial ideas for solutions, set the tone by listening to any and all ideas. Brainstorm and play out how suggestions might work and whether they satisfy what’s most important to the employees.
6. Hold private meetings as necessary: Confidentially explore what’s keeping each from moving forward, and discuss what each is willing to do (or ask for) in the spirit of progress and real resolution.
7. Craft agreements: Bring employees back together and let them share, if they so choose, any discoveries they made during the private meeting sessions. Begin to narrow down solutions and come to an agreement (with details!) on who will do what and when.
8. Monitor follow-through: Keep track of progress, address hiccups and refine as appropriate.
Before you begin the mediation process, you need to consider the following:
