Workplace Conflict Resolution Essentials For Dummies. Scott Vivian

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to disagree’ may be coming to mind. In a way, this saying is both accurate and inaccurate. The two people in the conflict may end their discussion on this note, and that’s fine as long as they both put forth a 100-per-cent effort to listen and understand each other. Unfortunately, most people use this saying as a quick way to end a conversation. They’re tired of trying to talk with the other person so they agree to disagree as a polite way of brushing off the other person. That’s not what striving for understanding is about.

      Ultimately, if two people have a real and productive conversation where they both listen and feel heard, they’ll probably find more in common with each other and find more points to agree on. Changing the goal of communication is a new way to think about it and, even if you’re not directly involved in the conflict, if you shift your thinking, you’ll have a head start on working with employees to solve their issues.

Choosing words carefully: The importance of language

      One of the most common contributors to miscommunication is language. The words you use can lead to misinterpretations and negative reactions, either because you choose words that don’t accurately express what you’re trying to say or you use words that the listener finds inappropriate or insulting. In some cases, the miscommunication is simply a matter of semantics (the meaning and interpretation of words).

       Making sure you’re on the same page

      Words are slippery things, and the same word can have different meanings for different people. The best ways to avoid misunderstandings are to be specific and to get creative. Take more time in a conversation, choose your words carefully and ask clarifying questions. If you suspect semantics are getting in the way, take a moment to define the word in question. State what that word means to you, and ask the other person what it means to her. This clarification could shed light on the disagreement.

      When starting a conversation, try to avoid misunderstandings by giving thought to what information you’re trying to relay or gather, and then formulate a statement or question that meets that goal. For example, asking a colleague to respect you isn’t as clear as asking her to respect you by not playing practical jokes on you. Telling your boss that you want time off isn’t as clear as requesting leave for the week of 1 January.

      

You can also get creative and find other ways to get your message across. If words are keeping people from a shared understanding, try a different method of communication. Visual aids like photos, maps, charts and diagrams can be tremendously helpful. In some situations you may find that a demonstration or tutorial clarifies a point.

       Being precise

      Using words or phrases that are vague or too open to interpretation can cause problems. If you’re using one of the following words or phrases, consider whether you can be more precise:

      

Sometimes

      

In a timely manner

      

As needed

      

To my satisfaction

      

A few

      

Several

      

Often

      

Frequently

      

When you get a chance

      

Be proactive and use specifics whenever possible. If you have an expectation that the sales receipts need to be turned in ‘at the end of the day’, say that what you really mean is ‘by 5.30 pm each and every day’. Being specific avoids confusion and uncertainty.

       Avoiding inflammatory language

      Using the wrong language can make a good situation bad or a bad situation worse. By choosing inflammatory words to get a message across, you can easily sound insulting, insensitive, hurtful or just plain mean. Some inflammatory words, such as name-calling, are very obvious. Calling someone stupid, lazy or incompetent can get you in trouble, not only with your team or manager but also with the human resources department!

      Beyond the obvious, some words are just easier for a listener to hear. For example, if an employee or colleague approaches you and says, ‘I hate my job’, you’ll probably have a negative reaction. If the same employee instead says, ‘I’m dissatisfied with my job’, your reaction would be quite different. Some words have a negative impact, and the trick to getting a more positive reaction from listeners is to find more neutral words that they won’t find offensive. I provide hints on neutralising language in Chapter 7.

Body language: Others’ and your own

      Another important element in an individual’s communication arsenal is body language. Body language goes beyond obvious gestures (like showing someone your appreciation when he cuts you off in traffic!) and encompasses everything people do physically while they’re in a conversation.

      Body language that’s open and encouraging includes

      

Facing the person who’s speaking

      

Making good eye contact

      

Nodding occasionally

      

Having arms in an open position rather than crossed in front of the chest

      Body language can also be closed and discourage communication. The following will shut down the conversation and probably earn you a reputation for being rude:

      

Not looking at the person speaking

      

Rolling your eyes

      

Having an expressionless face, frowning or squinting to indicate the speaker isn’t making any sense

      

Staring off into space

      

Turning your back to the speaker

      

Pay attention to your group and make note of body language during tense or heated conversations. Do the same when things are going well and note the difference.

      Be aware of the nonverbal cues you’re giving off in the workplace, and be aware of the nonverbal cues you’re getting from everyone else. Clenched

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