Especially as he’s not sleeping with me. And hasn’t been for years.’
Kim—‘How long has it been now?’
Sarah—‘For most of our marriage, Kim—Ben was a wonderful blip—plus four of the five years we were going out before then.’
Kim—‘What excuse does he give?’
Sarah—‘Same old story. Same reason. Doesn’t respect me. Doesn’t feel I bring anything to the marriage. Doesn’t trust me. He brought up all the past things I’d done when he smashed that Badoit bottle. It’s as if he’s kept a mental list. But he says he still loves me and all that.’
Kim—‘Sounds as though he resents you, Sarah.’
Sarah—‘I think so, too. But I’m no innocent, Kim. I haven’t exactly been squeaky clean, have I? After all, I had an affair. And Paul discovered the affair by reading one of my e-mails. You know? That e-mail from Stephen from Australia.’
Kim—‘Er, yes, that was a bit of a bummer. Explicit, wasn’t it?’
Sarah—‘Er, rather. If you have an affair with the editor-at-large of a lad mag—and he was…well, rather large—he tends to be rather eloquent with words. Especially when writing about sex. And—well, he did enjoy it. And hey, for fuck’s sake, so did I. I hadn’t had sex for years. I used to go to the gym and work out like crazy. The Kai Bo teacher said he didn’t know where I got my energy. I got so flexible and fit I could do the box splits, and there wasn’t even a face to sit on. But Stephen’s e-mail… Well, it was quite poetic—about how the water trickled down my back when I bent over, and how he loved my nipples, and how he wished we could have stayed in the shower longer but the hot water ran out and then so did we, and ended up having sex on the bathroom floor. And on the dining room table, and in the garden under the apple tree. He wrote a sonnet. Think he published it in a later edition of the magazine he was so proud of it. Not nice to read. Well, I enjoyed reading it, which is why I saved it. But not nice for Paul, obviously.’
Kim—‘Well, he shouldn’t have been reading your e-mail, then, should he? Serves him bloody well right.’
Sarah—‘He was trying to sort out my virus and was checking to see who had given it to me.’
Kim—‘Yeah, really. Well, he found out, didn’t he?’
Sarah—‘Yes, yes, but you know what I mean. Well, he was furious—and rightly so.’
Kim—‘What do you mean, rightly so? He wasn’t fucking fucking you, Sarah. He hasn’t been sleeping with you for years. That’s emotional cruelty or punishment or something. Anyway, it’s not natural, and I think he should go and see a counsellor or someone about it.’
Sarah—‘Think he went to see his priest.’
Kim—‘His priest? That’s gonna screw him up even more.’
Sarah—‘I know, Kim. I’ve got to the stage when I think Hey, my husband won’t sleep with me, won’t give me a sound reason why he won’t sleep with me, and won’t go to see anyone about why he won’t sleep with me, but he doesn’t want me to mention it to anyone.’
Kim—‘Of course he doesn’t want you to mention it to anyone. They’d think he was bonkers. You’re a babe, Sarah. And with friends like his, they’d probably try and sleep with you themselves.’
Sarah—‘Yes, one of his brokers did say over dinner once that if we lived in London he would have probably slept with me by now.’
Kim—‘Was he drunk?’
Sarah—‘Think so.’
Kim—‘Was Paul there at the time?’
Sarah—‘The broker was taking us out for supper. At the Ivy. He was with his wife. She talked Botox all night.’
Kim—‘Sounds like a lovely evening.’
Sarah—‘It was interesting. Never saw them again after that. Think Paul still does business with him, but I don’t ask. Anyway, I’m going slowly nuts. And along comes this guy who obviously does want to sleep with me. And—well, the rest is history.’
Kim—‘If your husband doesn’t fuck you, someone else will. If it was the other way round he would have slept with someone else. Mark my words, Sarah. He would have had an affair. Lots of them.’
Sarah—‘Yes, I know it’s different for men.’
Kim—‘Too bloody right it is. They can do it. But you can’t. Well you did. But you had a reason.’
Sarah—‘Paul could argue that so does he.’
Kim—‘Ah, but that’s different. The no-sex thing is his choice, Sarah. Not yours. And it’s up to him to go and see someone about it. You can’t go for him.’
Silence again. We’re both thinking. Then…
Kim—‘I know one guy who had an affair with this other woman. But when he got divorced from his wife, and the other woman said she wanted to marry him, the bugger turned round and told her he couldn’t marry someone like her because she’d gone off with a married man and he couldn’t marry someone that immoral.’
Sarah—‘Double standards.’
Kim—‘Quite. But it happens. Anyway, have you told anyone other than me about the no-sex thing?’
Sarah—‘Few people. Told Stephen in Australia. That’s why he slept with me.’
Kim—‘Not a good idea to tell men about that. Specially those that are a bit lecherous. Beware men who see you as vulnerable. They think it’s sexy. Plus you’re easy prey.’
Sarah—‘Well, I wanted to. Can’t seriously say he seduced me, or I was taken against my will. Think I actually seduced him. And it was the other side of the world.’
Kim—‘Yeah, and it came back to haunt you. Bloody e-mails. You never know who’s reading them.’
Duncan returns to ask if we are enjoying our meals.
Duncan—‘Is it enough for you, madam?’
Kim—‘Yes, thank you.’
Duncan—‘Good. Anything else I can do, just let me know.’
Kim—‘Thanks. Dessert menu after this would be good.’
Duncan smiles and leaves.
Sarah—‘I think one of the problems we have is that he comes from a very traditional background. His mother did everything for him. He’s the eldest of four boys, and his father was out working all the time, so his mum got the brunt of it. And she’s a bit—well, odd emotionally. So he’s used to having everything done for him. And getting his own way.’
Kim—‘Yes, he is rather boorish. But he has to be aggressive for work. It’s a dog-eat-dog environment.’
Sarah—‘Absolutely,
