I controlled an irrational urge to laugh. Instead my voice cracked. ‘Yes. So that she could tell me all about how she’s been shagging my husband for the last six months …’
‘Oh, Jenny, no …’ Elle’s large hand covered mine.
Noah’s face turned red. ‘You had no idea?’
Somehow I managed to shake my head from side to side without releasing more tears.
He pursed his lips and muttered something about people not knowing when they were well off.
‘Is there no going back?’ said Elle, softly.
‘No. I hoped for a few days, but I can see now that his loyalty to her is unwavering. Apparently marrying me was one big mistake – always had been.’ I gave a loud sniff. I had to stay strong for April.
‘What will you do?’ she said.
I bit my thumbnail. ‘At first I didn’t know. The beginning of the week passed in a daze. Zak will hardly discuss the situation.’ I sighed. ‘He was just like this when his mum died last year.’ He’d thrown himself into arranging the funeral and even afterwards hardly spoke about his feelings, bottling it all up. Eventually it came out as anger. He got into a fight in a bar, over a football match, and threw a punch. And the last time I’d visited him at work staff tiptoed around him as if waiting for him to explode.
‘He’s just moved into a guest room,’ I continued. ‘Elite Eleganz has been mad busy with a last-ditch online promotion that ends today. Zak says we’ll discuss things properly tonight, when April is in bed.’ I said the word discuss in a hopeful tone. If the ball of anger spinning faster and faster in my chest with every passing day was anything to go by, it looked like a full-blown shouting match was the more likely outcome.
‘What I do know is that I can never live in that house again. All the memories – they seem fake now.’ I couldn’t believe I was telling them all this but it felt like such a relief to share what had happened and they both had such … such understanding expressions. Perhaps that’s what made a good barista – the ability to make people feel relaxed, and to create an atmosphere that made the coffee shop seem like a refuge from the world’s worries.
I stood up and paced, admiring the cosy aura of the kitchen. I wondered how much of it was down to Martini, with the decorative wall plates and warm peach curtains. And that knitted tea cosy had to be made by her. Although the shelf filled with books was perhaps down to Noah – P. G. Wodehouse, James Patterson, Lee Child, among children’s classics and self-help books. An eclectic choice to say the least. The room was tiny compared to our kitchen at The Willows. My chest tightened with the growing realisation that my day-to-day life would have to change, now that saving money was a priority.
‘How’s April taking it?’ asked Noah. ‘She’s a nice kid. Always says please and thank you.’
‘She doesn’t know yet,’ I replied. That was the worst bit. My heart felt as if it had been broken into a thousand pieces. But April? Hers would be wrung dry and crushed to dust. ‘I’ll never forgive him for doing this to our daughter.’
‘She might be more resilient than you think,’ said Noah and he raised his eyebrows in a hopeful manner.
‘I bet a good number of her friends have divorced parents.’ Elle shrugged. ‘You’d be surprised how many separated parents bring their kids in here for a treat – even olde-worlde Laventon can’t avoid some of the trends of modern life.’
True. Out of April’s friendship group both Chelsea and Megan had step-siblings from recent second marriages. But my throat ached at the thought of April’s increasingly slim limbs. I didn’t want something like this to tip her into a dark emotional state where she did all the wrong kinds of things to cope. So that meant only one thing. I had to put on a bright face and look for the positives.
‘Have you got a paper and pen?’ I asked, eventually.
Noah jumped up and opened a kitchen drawer. He returned with a notebook and biro and placed them in front of me. I wiped my eyes and sat up straight. The cover of the pad was covered in good luck symbols – a wedding horseshoe, a dreamcatcher, a lucky number seven, and a waving Japanese cat.
‘Thanks so much. Now please. Open up the shop again,’ I said to them both. ‘I’ll be fine – if I could just stay here for a little while and formulate a concrete plan, I’d be truly grateful.’
I’d already been to the local estate agents, to see if I could find an affordable place for me and April. My voice had shaken, just a little, worried that I was going to come across as a complete fool. I’d moved from Mum and Dad’s to student accommodation to Zak’s house and never actually rented a place of my own. How would I manage if the boiler broke or the sink got blocked? Dot’s husband took care of stuff like that at The Willows. And there would be no more food shopping at Marks & Spencer. I’d probably have to start frequenting the pound shop.
With a churning stomach, I reflected on the next challenge – to find a job. ‘I searched online, last night, for employment, but after being a stay-at-home mum for ten years, it seems that I am under-qualified for just about everything.’ My cheeks felt hot. ‘I wouldn’t even have a clue what products to use for a cleaning job.’ Dot cleaned The Willows from top to bottom.
An unease shifted within my chest as I realized how pampered I’d become. Dot even did the ironing. About the only thing I’d accomplished was being a good mum. I’d searched childcare positions but they all required certificates and experience. An image of my fashion sketches popped into my head, but my dream of returning to college was over. I needed to earn money and quick. Even if Elite Eleganz had been doing better than ever, I would never accept a single penny from Zak. Not for myself. Only child maintenance.
Noah and Elle exchanged looks, as if a telepathic conversation were taking place. He was just about to say something when the sound of knocking on glass came from the shop. Elle stood up and squeezed my shoulder firmly before leaving the kitchen. Noah lifted his cup and got to his feet, before pouring his tea down the sink.
‘Not thirsty?’ I asked.
‘Can’t stand the stuff, truth be told,’ he said. ‘I only had it as a mark of solidarity.’
For a split second a wave of emotion washed over his face. I bit my lip. The unexpected camaraderie meant a lot.
‘Thanks,’ I mumbled. ‘For …’ I looked around the kitchen ‘… for this.’
‘Any time. Mi casa es su casa.’ He smiled.
‘Gus says that to Hazel in The Fault in our Stars when he takes her to his basement bedroom,’ I mumbled, having read the book recently.
‘Great story,’ he said, in gentle tones. ’And a great message.’
I stared at Noah. I knew what he was saying. Like the book’s theme of childhood cancer, there were worse problems than mine. Somehow I had to find the inner strength to deal with my situation.
I picked up the biro and stared at the notebook’s cover, in particular the silver horseshoe, and thought about my own wedding day. I’d always believed nothing on this planet looked sexier
