your reflection is about facing up to who you are physically, but it is also about acknowledging that there are many facets to the person you see in the mirror. Accepting and praising yourself for all your qualities helps you to accept yourself physically, mentally and spiritually. Being content with yourself is not just about whether you are beautiful, but about whether you pulled off a great project at work, hosted a fab dinner party, dried your hair really nicely, were patient with the kids this morning or didn’t shout at your boyfriend for forgetting to put the rubbish out.
ACTION POINT 5: PLAY TO WIN
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Acknowledge the great things you have achieved in your life. Take credit for your accomplishments and don’t belittle your achievements by dismissing your work as merely ‘okay’ or ‘not bad’ – use bold, positive words that truly reflect your accomplishments. Shout it out!
THE LOGIC
Too many of us down play our triumphs – particularly professional ones – so others feel more secure. At school we are taught to be modest – a ‘good girl’ was one who promoted the people around her and not herself. This modesty can actually undermine and sabotage confidence, because as we progress through our lives, fewer and fewer of us receive compliments or feedback on our performance. If you lack the ability to acknowledge and even shout about your own accomplishments, they can start to go unnoticed by the most important person – YOU. If you don’t value what you do, it’s a cue for others to do the same.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Making friends with the mirror is a two-pronged strategy. It’s about accepting what you see and also about acknowledging that being you isn’t simply about squeezing into a particular size. The mirror can never reflect the myriad aspects and depths of your personality and being. Once you have accepted this, you are ready to move on to step three.
Case Study: Diane’s Success
‘When I met Joanna Hall in November 2002 at the This Morning studio, I had reached an end point. I was unhappy with my weight – I wanted to lose at least 2 stone but the thought of dieting was intimidating. For a lot of my adult life I had been plagued by depression and one of my comforts was to eat. I was ashamed of myself and that turned the whole situation into a vicious circle. If you asked me what was the most important factor in my successful weight loss, I would have to say a positive mind. I needed encouragement, but more than that I needed to be able to believe in myself. Joanna suggesting coming at it from a different angle and helped me to build my self-esteem and confidence, showing me how important it is to like, even love, myself. She gave me the building blocks to change my mindset to one that was able to take on the challenge of losing weight.’
This step is about making the relationship you’ve now established between your brain and body work. When you do something it involves a three-stage process: you THINK about it, you SAY you’re going to do it and then you take the necessary action – you DO it. So, for example, with weight loss, you think about your dissatisfaction with your current size and how you would like to change it, you talk about introducing diet and exercise into your life and then you take the appropriate steps to help you reach your weight loss goals. Or do you? It seems obvious enough that all these three things need to be going in the same direction, but do we actually do it?
Take Susan’s story: Susan thought she had great big wobbly bits that stuck out from the sides of her thighs like saddlebags. In fact, her thighs only measured 90cm/36in but, to her, they were very large. She wanted to lose weight, so she gave herself a talking to and told her friends – when they were out at the cinema having ice cream – that she would be starting her campaign in earnest the next day. She had bought the latest diet sensation – it came with a government health warning, but what the heck! Oh, and she was going to get up and run every morning, and again when she came home from work. Yet despite all this positive talk, Susan felt deep down that she would still have her saddlebags. What Susan thought, said and did were not all going in the same direction.
She said she was going to take action and she did do what she said she would, but since she believed that she would fail, and still have her saddlebags at the end of it, her thoughts were going in a different direction to her words and actions. After a time, this would inevitably sabotage her efforts.
When what you do, or what you say you will do, is based on negative thoughts about yourself – a limiting belief – this negativity can only grow. It’s like feeding a fire. When you want to light a fire you get your kindling, some dry newspaper, wood and some firelighters and as the fire starts to burn you apply a little more air to fuel it. The more air you provide at the base, the fiercer the fire grows. Your thoughts are the same – they fuel the fire of your actions. Therefore if your fundamental belief is that you are going to fail, then you are more likely to – and of course each time you do, it will only serve to fuel your negativity and make it stronger, which makes losing weight harder each time you try.
Think about where you were five years ago and imagine a straight line from there to here, the present moment. Now extend that line into the future – by continuing to do as you do now, you’ll be where in five years time? If that place isn’t where you want to be, you need to change direction by addressing your thinking, saying and doing right now.
ACTION POINT 1: ESTABLISH THE PAY-OFF
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Make a list of at least five ways you think you will benefit by dropping a size and being more physically active. Be specific about what the benefit will be to you and how it will personally affect you. For example, having more energy is a common benefit, but to empower this statement and make it personal to you, you may need to write something like, ‘When I drop a size, I will have the energy to enjoy more intimacy with my partner.’
THE LOGIC
Writing things down makes you embrace your thoughts and the visual images this creates can reinforce what you think. Personalizing your benefit also allows you to see how your actions will directly affect you. Keeping these benefits personal rather than general makes them more appropriate to you and hence they become more powerful motivators. So stop being general and be more specific!
ACTION POINT 2: LIST YOUR SUCCESSES
WHAT YOU NEED TO DO
Make a list of all the things you have previously thought you would like to do in your life and have since accomplished. This list can cover small things such as cooking your first three-course meal or changing your own flat tyre. As long as you saw it as a challenge and you succeeded, it counts.
THE LOGIC
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