her attention back onto her son who was still glued to his iPad.
‘Are you excited about the holiday, Jack?’
He shrugged.
‘There’ll be a pool.’
‘I don’t like water.’
‘I know you don’t sweetheart, but it doesn’t have to go over your head, you can just paddle in it or do some swimming.’
‘I don’t want to.’
‘OK that’s fine; you don’t have to go in if you don’t want to. There’s a beach there too – we can build some sandcastles and you can go in the sea.’
‘I don’t like sea.’
Nancy started to wonder whether she had made the right choice in agreeing to this holiday. Jack hadn’t jumped up and down and squealed excitedly when she’d told him like most seven-year-olds would at the prospect of a week away in the sun. Instead, he had asked her a million questions and not slept much all night because of the anticipation of today. She’d spent two hours just going through all the different scenarios she could think of and how she would overcome them should she need to. Jack was obviously feeling anxious today because he was more quiet than usual and had closed off with his iPad and headphones all morning. He didn’t want any photos taken – she couldn’t feed her Instagram habit today – and he wasn’t interested in engaging in any conversations with anyone.
Nancy exhaled and picked up her coffee. It was going to be a long week.
‘Oh my God, will you just look at this place!’ Harriet strolled into the foyer and stopped still in the centre of the room, glancing around 360 degrees. ‘It looks so much better than in the pictures, Nance!’ She looked at her friend who was standing open-mouthed, looking around like a kid who had just walked into Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory for the first time. The gentle cream softness of the décor made the room instantly inviting. A warm glow from the designer lightshades that hung above them lit the room just enough to feel cosy but was totally unnecessary as it was still daytime and the blistering heat was beaming beautifully outside. The foyer was spacious with huge marble pillars dotted around creating a sense of grandeur. As Harriet approached the reception desk she was greeted with cheery smiles and gentle voices.
‘Good afternoon, how may I help you?’
‘I have a booking under Harriet Fisher.’ She glanced over her shoulder to see Nancy still looking around in awe and the children looking bored and grumpy. Tommy was strapped into his chair and was moaning about the fact that he couldn’t get out, bucking his body as though he was in a bucking bronco tournament. Isla was wandering around one of the marble pillars, one hand placed onto the cold surface singing a song to herself and going round and round and round … and Jack was sitting cross-legged on the floor, his head stuck in his iPad still.
‘Yes, here we go. You have adjoining rooms 235 and 236, with 236 occupying a balcony. Here are your key cards and the lifts are to your right. Just sign here please.’ Harriet did as she was asked. ‘Is there anything I can get for you?’
Harriet took the envelopes and shook her head. ‘No thanks, I think we’re all good.’ She practically skipped back to Nancy and the children.
‘Harriet this place is incredible – when you said you were taking us on holiday, I didn’t envisage such a … well, such indulgence!’
‘Only the best for my girl.’ Harriet winked and blew a kiss and then picked up her bags. ‘Come on, let’s get unpacked so we can eat, I’m starving!’
***
As Nancy walked into her adjoining room leaving the others still exploring Harriet’s room, she couldn’t help but feel the emotion catch in her throat a little. This place was truly magical and definitely something that she needed in her life right now after the horrendous year she had had. But equally, she felt sad because being here as a single parent just reminded her where she was currently at in her life right now. After years of building up her family unit, it had all been taken away from her – against her will – and now she felt more confused than ever. This holiday was definitely going to be the break she needed to refocus and decide what she was going to do. Hopefully, being away from Pete and home would help to put everything into perspective.
Nancy walked over to the balcony and slid the door open, stepping out onto the concrete and taking in the view around her. It was truly stunning. The pool below them was heaving with families; children laughing and screaming as they played their imaginary games and splashed around in the pool – which was in the shape of a dolphin. There was the faint tune of local music playing within the complex and if you looked beyond the horizon, you could see the picturesque view of the sea, deep blue and glistening.
Before she came out here she kept telling herself that she needed to do it, needed to listen to her body – and her friend – and take some time out. But she just couldn’t shake off the anxiety of bringing Jack here. She and Pete hadn’t taken Jack away very much because of an early bad experience when Jack was a toddler. He was struggling with what they now knew was a fear of his ears being touched, and he’d had a huge meltdown which resulted in Nancy and Pete having a blazing row. The rest of the holiday was tainted with the harsh comments both of them had made in the heat of the moment. Since then, they had shied away from holidaying anywhere where there were people or potential triggers. This had been a cause of pressure in their marriage because it had been Nancy’s choice to reduce the holidaying and subsequently, they spent their down time locked away in barns and cabins in the middle of nowhere. Pete missed the holidays they took before Jack was born and Nancy resented the fact that Pete didn’t understand that she was the one who always had to deescalate the meltdowns when Jack had them, so normal holidays were just a stress for her.
But being here was the right thing to do – she knew that. She just needed to ignore the impending feeling of dread that constantly sat somewhere between her stomach and her chest. Jack would be fine. She let a small smile play over her lips as she watched the children below bouncing around in the water and jumping on each other’s backs for piggyback races. But the smile wasn’t because she was happy; it dressed her face and pretended that she was fine but inside all she felt was deflation. Because she knew that Jack wouldn’t be laughing and joking with friends like these children were. He wouldn’t be playing race games and splashing other children as he dunked his head under the water. And as much as she hated herself for feeling disappointed about this, she couldn’t lie to herself. Other people, sure. But not to herself.
A holiday in the sun where she could try to hide from all the feelings of guilt and anxiety? Yes, this was exactly what Nancy needed right now.
Nancy glanced around the restaurant as she waited for Harriet to return to the table. The one they had chosen to eat in tonight was the least plush of the three available options. The children had had a long day travelling and Nancy was tired too, so choosing the least fancy one suited her just fine. If Jack was to have an episode – which was always a possibility as they were in a new place – then she would feel more comfortable here, with fewer people to look down their noses at her. She wasn’t the type of person to judge others, especially when she knew how horrible it was
