a mum – do you just know what to do?’
Nancy laughed. ‘Yeah I’m a total pro – the ideas just come to me in a flash of inspiration and I feel well-equipped for every situation life can throw at me.’ She stopped giggling when she saw Harriet wasn’t laughing. ‘What’s up?’
Harriet felt vulnerable. She didn’t normally like to talk about feelings; she was methodical, regimented, she got jobs done. She didn’t have time to sit and ponder on things. But recently, since Isla was getting older and more demanding, she was starting to question her role in things a lot more. ‘I just don’t get how you can just know all this stuff. Where does it come from?’
‘What stuff?’
She pointed to Nancy’s room. ‘The breakfast stuff.’
Nancy tilted her head like a confused dog. ‘Hari, you’re not making any sense.’
She exhaled. ‘You brought breakfast stuff, for Jack, in case he needed it.’ Nancy nodded. ‘How did you know to do that?’ Harriet laughed as she heard herself. ‘OK, that sounds really weird. I know what I want to say but I just can’t get the right words.’ She groaned, putting her head into her hands.
Nancy moved towards Harriet and placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘Are you OK?’
She flung her hands back down into her lap and looked at her best friend. ‘I just don’t understand how something as little as thinking ahead about breakfast when you have little ones comes so easily to some people, yet I don’t ever seem to think about it. I can chair a corporate meeting, I can collate all the necessary information relating to a project and I can analyse and interpret various work-related deals. Why can’t I think of something as simple as packing snacks for my children?’
Nancy laughed. ‘Come on, you’re being too hard on yourself. Look, I think about stuff like that because I have to. Jack is different from your children; if I don’t plan and think ahead, it could mean the difference between him feeling comfortable and him having a meltdown. I don’t have a choice. It didn’t come naturally to me; I had to learn the hard way. Your children are not the same. If you told Isla to wait an hour for breakfast, yes, she would kick up a fuss and she might feel like it was the end of the world, but ultimately, she would cope. Jack wouldn’t.’ She squeezed Harriet’s hand. ‘That’s the difference.’
‘I guess.’
‘Hari, I don’t get it right all the time – you know that!’
‘I just don’t get the whole “it comes naturally” thing people say with parenting.’
‘That’s because it doesn’t come naturally to everyone. I love being a parent, but parenting an autistic child is a completely different story and I certainly do not feel like that comes naturally to me. Everyone is different. It’s really shit but we have to learn things the hard way, by experiencing the ups and the downs and working out what went wrong so that it doesn’t happen again. And that’s why I know to have breakfast stuff – it isn’t because I’m Supermum.’
Harriet smiled at Nancy, thankful to have such an understanding friend to travel this rollercoaster of feelings with. ‘I just need to balance my life better, I think.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Just, you know, work and stuff.’
‘I agree, you work far too much.’
Harriet made a noise which was half an exhale and half a laugh. ‘It’s not as simple as that Nance, I have to work.’
‘Yeah I know that, but do you really have to work as much as you do? You have a team of people around you – use them!’
Harriet nodded. There was no point in having this conversation. As much as she loved Nancy, she just didn’t understand what she went through with work. She didn’t have the same stresses as Harriet. If Harriet didn’t work and make it a success, she would lose her business. And not just that, she would lose her house, her only source of income and her dignity. Regardless of how much she wanted to spend more time with the children, the fact of the matter was, work had to take priority. She had no choice. And until she found a solution that would allow her to embrace both aspects of her life, she would have to continue juggling.
She looked over to Jack who was now seated on the chair by the window, glued to his iPad. She then looked over to Tommy who was playing in his cot with some toys. Finally, she looked over to her laptop which was still open but had gone to sleep. She could almost feel the emails dropping into her inbox.
It would be another late one tonight – she needed more coffee for this.
‘Shall we go exploring today – see what the resort has to offer and find out where the best cocktails are?’ Harriet winked at Nancy.
‘Sounds like a plan.’ Nancy cleared her plate of the omelette she had chosen for breakfast from the buffet – trying to forget about the cereal and croissants she’d had before that. This was a stark contrast to how things were at home, where Nancy ate mostly leftovers. She was really thankful to Harriet for giving her this chance to re-evaluate things.
‘I found out where the kids’ club is, and they open in an hour so shall we drop the kids there and then set off? Apparently, they’re doing party games, painting and a mini disco today. Sounds great fun, hey Isla?’
Isla nodded excitedly. ‘I’m going to wear my pink dress today so I’m ready for the party and I’m going to paint Nanny a picture of a goat.’
Nancy looked at Harriet questioningly. Harriet shook her head. ‘I have no idea.’
‘Sounds great. Are you putting Tommy in too?’
‘Yeah, they do a babies’ club as well and take them from a year old – bonus.’ Harriet paused. ‘Are you putting Jack in?’
Nancy pulled a face and looked over to her son. ‘I don’t know that he’ll go to be honest.’ She didn’t want to come across as negative, but she was already pre-empting how Jack might be feeling. Part of her was willing him to give it a try, to see what would happen, but the more dominant part of her was realistic and felt concerned about letting him go in the first place.
‘Do you want to try?’
‘I guess so – it’s worth a try, isn’t it?’ It was more of a question. She didn’t feel comfortable about it at all and she could already predict how it was going to go. It wasn’t like she had spent all her parenting years never challenging Jack. She did get him to try new things, quite regularly. It didn’t have a very high success rate though and this was causing her uneasiness now. She knew he would feel worried and anxious. She knew he wouldn’t like the new surroundings and if it was noisy inside then she knew he wouldn’t cope well. Nevertheless, she was reluctant to be seen to not be trying in front of her friend. Harriet was a strong- willed person and a lot of the time being around her brought out a more confident and risk- taking side to Nancy. Sometimes this paid off and Nancy achieved things she wouldn’t normally – like when Jack didn’t like brushing his teeth and it was Nancy’s confidence and Harriet’s idea of finding a teeth-brushing song that ultimately ended with him now
