but being his mum was so incredibly difficult, she wasn’t sure she was cut out for it. When Pete had left her, it had broken her heart, but if she was completely honest, she’d been a little jealous of him too. Jealous that he had escaped the daily turmoil of meltdowns and the unknown. It wasn’t just the physical stresses of it all that she was finding difficult, it was the emotional side too. Parenting was hard, regardless of whether you had one child or ten, hyperactive or shy, disabled or not. The actual act of parenting itself was gruelling both physically and mentally and she really missed having another person to bounce off when times were tough. She was jealous of the fact that Pete didn’t have to watch his son when he was feeling sad or frightened and as a result, endure hours of horrendous guilt and shame that you couldn’t make it better. Pete didn’t have to deal with numerous wakings in the night and he didn’t have to go through the turmoil when you forgot to take Jack’s Calm Cards out. She couldn’t ever imagine being without Jack but equally she longed to share the worry with someone who understood.
She glanced down at her leg where a bruise was beginning to form where she had tried to restrain Jack earlier. The way the staff member had looked at Nancy, like her son was a monster, made her feel devastated. She was failing as a parent right now and it felt horrendous.
She was snapped out of her thoughts rapidly when she saw a young boy approach Jack from behind, pause and then sit down next to him, dangling his feet into the pool just like Jack. Nancy froze with an overwhelming fear that the little boy would touch Jack’s headphones. She moved to stand up to warn the child but then paused as she watched Jack take off his own headphones and look at the young boy. She sat back in her chair, anxiously waiting to see what happened next. Time stood still as she watched the two of them staring at each other, not moving. Jack had never done this before. He didn’t usually take his headphones off to interact with another person – it was only when Nancy asked him to or when he was ready. Nancy wasn’t sure how she felt about this. She wanted to be happy – this was progress, surely? But a small part of her brain was nervously asking questions like why? and what will he do? She wanted to intervene, to make sure this encounter went smoothly and positively, but she knew in her heart that he was never going to make the progress he needed to socially if she was always one step behind doing it for him. She waited patiently, her breathing shallow and fast.
Then the little boy with the mousy brown hair said, ‘Whatcha watching?’
Jack didn’t respond, and Nancy could see him clasping the iPad tight against his chest, his knuckles their usual shade of white. Nancy’s heart was racing, willing him to reply to the boy who was staring at him, waiting for an answer, the sweetest little smile on his face.. She fixed her eyes on her son, praying for him to say something – anything – but still he stared back, unwavering.
‘Is it YouTube? I like that; I watch stuff on it all the time – what’s your favourite?’
Still nothing. Oh God, this was torture. That poor little boy wanted to make friends and have a chat and Jack was just sitting there, frozen.
Then, Jack stood up and walked back to Nancy, leaving the boy sitting in the pool by himself, watching as his new friend just walked off without so much as a goodbye. Nancy’s heart broke for him and if she was honest with herself, she was a little frustrated at Jack too. When these social challenges arose, Nancy always wished for the same outcome: for Jack to engage. And every single time she had to accept that this wasn’t going to happen overnight. But it was difficult to not let the frustration seep in. She suppressed the feeling, as Jack sat down at the base of her chair and resumed his watching. Nancy walked over to the little boy. Sitting next to him she took Jack’s place and put her legs into the pool as he had done.
‘I’m sorry about that,’ she said. ‘Jack struggles a little bit with talking to new people.’ She smiled at the boy who smiled back, his whole face lighting up and Nancy couldn’t help but warm to his friendly nature.
He shrugged. ‘That’s OK,’ he chirped. ‘I just saw him sitting on his own so didn’t want him to be lonely.’
Her heart melted. ‘How old are you?’
‘Seven.’
‘Seven? Wow, you are very grown up for seven.’
‘That’s what my dad says; he says I’m like an old man sometimes.’ He giggled, and the sound was fresh, carefree and just how little boys should sound.
‘Well, I think it’s lovely that you wanted to make friends. Jack just finds it hard sometimes.’
‘Does he have friends at home?’ The little boy swished the water with his feet.
‘Not really.’ She shook her head. He had children he played with – or should she say, alongside – but that was because Nancy was friends with their parents. And at school he just kept himself to himself.
‘It’s OK; some people just like to be on their own.’
Nancy looked at the boy, lost for words. How did this seven-year-old have such a mature outlook on life? She moved her gaze back to her feet in the pool, her brightly painted pink toenails making shapes beneath the water.
‘Is this a private party or can anyone join?’
Nancy jumped slightly at the male voice behind her and glanced over her shoulder. She stared for a second at the tall man peering down at them and then realised she was staring at his chest which had some kind of tattoo on it. She coughed to regain herself as she diverted her eyes towards his face. He had a nice face with a cheeky smile, made slightly sexier by the small amount of stubble around his mouth – standard holiday stubble. He had the most gorgeous full head of blonde hair which was long enough for her to run her hands through. She batted away the thought the instant it fell into her head. Embarrassed, as though he could read her mind, she averted her gaze nervously.
‘Daddy! I was talking to this lady’s boy as he was sitting on his own, but he didn’t want to talk so the lady is talking to me now.’ He swished his feet again.
Nancy panicked; she didn’t want this man to think Jack was rude. She stuttered a little. ‘Sorry, um, he’s just not very good at talking to new people,’ she added hastily.
The man laughed and sat down on the other side of his son. ‘It’s not a problem, honestly.’ He smiled, and Nancy felt a twinge of attraction as he did. He had the most beautiful deep blue eyes. She was definitely an ‘eyes’ person, she was starting to realise. It was always something she noticed on people.
‘I take it you’re staying at this complex?’ He swished his feet in the water like his son and Nancy found herself smiling. ‘What?’ he asked, the smile spreading across his face.
‘You and your son do exactly the same thing in the water with your feet – the exact same movement.’ She realised she must sound like a right weirdo for noticing this fact, so she self-consciously added, ‘It was funny. And yes, we are staying here. Me, my son and my friend and her two little ones.’ She pointed over her shoulder and saw Harriet was back and sitting on the sun lounger next to Jack who still had his nose in the iPad. The guy’s face creased in confusion as he looked at them and Nancy added, ‘Her two are in the kids’ club. Jack, um, wasn’t too keen to go today.’
The guy smiled. ‘I don’t blame him; I think I would rather be out in the sunshine too.’ He gave Nancy another friendly smile and she couldn’t help but smile back. ‘I’m Cameron, by the way.’ He pointed at his son. ‘This guy is useless at introducing me to people. Call yourself my right-hand man!’ He nudged him and the boy giggled again.
Nancy
