fees, get low grades and are generally naughty and yet came through a short one night stand. We need to be sexually astute and satisfied. We need to alleviate problems caused by failing to have a good ââshagââ from society. But letâs start the bonking lesson here...and even if your Christian conscience tells you that you will learn this when youâre married, go on reading. You are not going to know how to have proper sex a few hours into marriage during your honeymoon or instantly after reading this book. You will need to keep on thinking about what I taught you in order to be good at it.
(1) Gender differences
We have often heard people, particularly men say, ââwomen; you canât live with them and you canât live without them.ââ One woman used to say, ââmen are dogs and women are snakes.ââ Word has it that men are dogs because no matter what you give your dog, it will still harass the neighborâs dustbin or trip over its clean plate only to eat the food you so intently dished for it from the ground. This saying means that men are seen as greedy devils whom despite being given ââgood sex and loveââ by a faithful wife, will afterwards help himself to a prostitute. Women on the other hand are according to that statement known for seducing men to love them and help them, thereafter attacking their helper, mercilessly dumping men after exploiting them hereafter pouncing on the next victim. They say a snake if you should find it in the cold, unable to move, and then take it to the fireplace to warm its cold-blooded being, itâs going to bite you after it has warmed up. The snake is thus compared to women. While it is clear that these statements come from people who have grown tired and frustrated with gender differences and relationship nightmares, I wish all people could understand each other instead of resorting to hopeless conclusions that do not have an atom of truth.
While writing this book, I went to ask my neighbor what she thinks of men and sex. I normally donât confine my research to church, especially when I am dealing with a problem that affects everyone. So I went to my neighbor, a socialite and occasional drinker. She was painfully honest as she sat there gazing at me with that shroud look on her face that says ââI am not going to give you an answer that soothes your churchy background .ââ Then her face expressed her absence as she thought deeply in protracted silence about men and the question asked. She lit her cigarette, took one long puff and said to me (as smoke gushed out of her mouth and nostrils) that ââmen are people who donât attach much to sex, they can just fuck for the sake of fucking.ââ Whewww! Now, I didnât say that, she did, so donât throw this book away yet. Donât even accuse me of profanity... She went on to say ââmen are simple creatures, its easy to read them as a woman, they are not into details, but they are very decisive and love to hide their feelings.ââ Then she said something I have heard many women say, which is that ââmen are like babies.ââ Now, I have also heard men, and many of them for that matter, saying that ââwomen are like babiesââ. This shouldnât shock you because lovers often call each other ââbabe.ââ Nowadays its âbaeâ.
I heard that a lady was breast-feeding her child in a taxi. She kept threatening the child by saying that if she continued playing and not sucking her breasts for milk, she will give them to the man next to her. As she kept holding her ballooned breasts filled with milky delight for the child, the man next to her (a typical stranger) kept looking lustfully at the juicy breasts.The baby wasnât sucking them breasts. So, mother threatened the baby. âIf you donât suck them,am giving them to uncleâ.After the woman gave the fifth threat, this man, asked how many times the woman was going to threaten the child and not execute the threat. I laughed, and wondered whether thatâs what we mean when we say men are like babies. Do they need the very things that the baby needs?Yes! Grown up men, suck breasts. Indeed men are like babies, and in a very literal way for that matter. But according to men, itâs the other way round:Women are babies. They are ââunpredictableââ and ââstressful.ââ and so confusing that even God doesnât understand them. Thatâs what they say...
The other day I was traveling with this old palâa taxi driver who normally takes me around Gabz. Then he saw a ring on my finger and asked me, ââso how is your wife?ââ I saw the look on his face, and that he wanted to share some ââold man secretsââ with me. So, I just rhetorically responded, ââeeer..she is so so, eish mdala, you know our women...ââ what followed was chuckles as if to say ââI knew it young-man,there are always issues.ââ Then he says to me, ââI have my old woman too, and I have given her everything a woman could want , now she wants to have the little money I make out of this taxi.ââ ââWhy would she do that?ââ I asked with that puzzled face and African wonder posture, holding my chin while concurrently folding my arms. But the old man was not at all looking my direction. He was looking at the road like a devoted driver and probably listening attentively to the pain his old wife causes him. He seemed to be comforting his hurt self with a church hymn sang almost in silence. Then he says to me ââeish, my wife âke mathataâ, she troubles me, and wonât give me sex. She thinks I am a fool, but I have found a new sex mate, and I wonât tell her that as much as she has stopped being intimate with me and wonât say a word...ââAt that moment, his statement deeply hit me, especially because I am a preacher and he doesnât know it. To hear somebody confessing deliberate adultery like that haunts me the way a zebra is troubled by seeing a ferocious lion. We took a few turns into simple but complicated Gaborone streets, then he dropped me by the anticipated destination. ââ sharp Mdala...ââ I said, and he waved driving away and disappearing into the dust which his Japanese import motor car had created. I could not concentrate on his heart-felt wave. Instead as he drove away, my heart was reeling in shock at a statement so astonishing yet said casually. It dawned on me again that the world is sick and I need to write a book that can heal it. Just the week prior, I was talking to a very close friend of mine. Then he told me about his sex life. He told me candidlyâand I think is because we are close, he said ââwomen in your country seem not to know a thing about sex. They prefer switching off the lights until itâs too dark for us to even look into each otherâs eyeballs. Then ignorant bonking takes place. After that dark encounter, thereâs no feedback. They just wonât tell you whether the sex was good or bad. Commenting about sex to them is a no-go areaââ This man defends his opinion by suggesting that the idea of switching off lights is so common that Juju boy, a local artist in Botswana, has written the song, hurt me,with the mention of ââ leboneââ which means ââlight or lamp,ââ and the artist hinting that he wants to see his lover. He thinks the musician is complaining against the local mentality of switching off lights before sex. Is he?
I thought itâs only men who often feel that their sex lives are as bitter as an aspirin until I spoke to one lady who used to be my classmate in those far gone years when we were kids ââdoingââ elementary schooling. We did talk typical ex-classmate talk which revolves around history. Then she talked about her kids and her man. Afterwards, I asked her the shocker question...ââso, how is the sex?ââ She was immediately in stress-land and releasing the cortisol hormone, yet she blatantly said ââHeish, not good at all, but what can I do? I am a woman, if I tell him about how the sex sucks and how we can improve it, he will say I am a bitch.ââ I was reminded of how in one of our talk shows, a woman said without mincing words that a great deal of men are reputable for pouncing on women without foreplay. Just after brief kissing which cannot even compete with your puppyâs passionate lick of its food bowl, they already think the snake must go out to play. They say in just a minute, the pants are down, and they want the vaginal sliding door to lead them to gloryland. These short tempered brothers who have no idea what it is to romance a woman and bring her to a turn-on level, have ruined the
