He accomplished most when he could get on quietly at his own speed. Knowing he had to have a job done by a certain time or date could freeze him into immobility and diminish his output.
What does all this mean? It means that each individual responds to outside events in a way peculiar to them. If you experience the outside events as pleasurable, fun, satisfying, challenging, exciting, positive, etc. you are unlikely to call them stresses. If you respond to them as worrying, frightening, threatening, unsettling, disturbing etc. you are likely to call them stresses.
Stress rating scale
A patient once said to me ‘I wish there was a pain scale so I could measure my pain on it and tell you I have pain at level 4, or whatever, just as there is the Richter scale for earthquakes. Then you would know what I am feeling.’
This is an understandable wish yet impractical because the pain of a cut finger can be nearly intolerable to one person and barely noticeable to another, or it can be unbearably painful when you are bored and thinking about it and of little consequence when you are absorbed in something exciting that you are doing. Pain is a subjective experience, so is stress.
Many efforts have been made to quantify stress and then measure the effect of a given number of units of stress on the body. They have failed. One such scale was quoted in Choosing Health Intentionally (X. K. Williams, Letts, 1992). This scale ranged from death of a spouse at 100 points, through being fired from work at 47 points to minor violation of the law at 11 points. In the original study it was found that 49 per cent of the people who scored more than 300 in a twelve-month period developed serious health problems.
However, this also means that 51 per cent of people who scored over 300 points did not develop serious health problems. Either their bodies were more robust or their experience of stress was much milder. In fact this is fairly obvious. The death of a spouse is going to be a far greater stress for a devoted partner who depended on the one who died than for a partner who was already contemplating divorce. Travel is a major stress for people who like a structured life with a steady routine whereas for those who are easily bored and like constant excitement it is a delight, and so forth.
It all comes back to the basic premise that is worth repeating over and over. There is nothing that is inherently stressful. It is your subjective assessment of the situation that determines whether or not it will be a stress.
This is a good time to consider the dictionary definition of stress. According to the Concise Oxford Dictionary it is: (i) a constraining or impelling force; (ii) effort, demand upon energy; (iii) emphasis or; (iv) force exerted between contiguous bodies or parts of a body. Another way stress is described is as some outside factor that impacts on you the object. In these definitions there is no suggestion that a stress is either good or bad. The stress of the wind on the yacht’s sails is what keeps the yacht moving once the helmsman masters the art of harnessing this stressor.
Pleasures may also be stresses. Anything that takes you outside your routine may involve a stress. Going on holiday involves the stress of deciding what to pack. Having a party involves the stress of extra cooking. A new and exciting job involves the stress of leaving old friends. There are stresses that you welcome and enjoy and call excitement and there are stresses that offer no pleasure.
Life without stress or challenge would be very dull and boring indeed. To avoid this and to avoid the pain of unwanted stress you need to convert all the unpleasant stresses into challenges, non-events or pleasant stresses.
It is time to start. If you think your problems are purely physical you may want to have a quick look at Part II and attend to whatever you feel needs attention. However, I strongly encourage you to work with Part I in depth. If you can sort out your reasons for thinking of things as stresses and learn to respond differently to them you may not only solve your emotional problems, you may also start to treat your body differently. The physical problems of Part II may disappear and thus their consequences may cease to be perceived as stress.
In other words you could be in a catch-22 situation. The thoughts and emotions you find unpleasantly stressful could be causing you to do things that are contributing to your health problems which in turn could be reducing your capacity to deal with situations in a non-stressful way.
Finally
Most of the contents of this book apply to most people but certainly all of the book does not apply to all people. As has already been said, it is common to find that something you thrive on worries someone else and things that other people take in their stride cause you considerable anxiety.
For this reason there may be times when you want to put the book down or skip a section, insisting it is not relevant in your case. This may be true but beware. If you feel irritated, impatient or uncomfortable with a section it may well be that it is in some way making you nervous by triggering off an emotion or concept that you have managed to bury. This may be the very section from which you can benefit the most.
The ideas expressed here have been developed over many years in clinical practice and in workshops. During this time thousands of people have, directly and indirectly, contributed their experiences and their response to this approach to dealing with stress. Very few ideas are original. Much of what any one person creates is a combination of many inputs that are then gathered together and developed further by the individual concerned. So it is here.
Many different techniques have been included in this work. Some have been successful; others less so. Over the years these have been distilled into my own particular way of working. I owe grateful acknowledgement to many sources often now long-forgotten. Most of all I owe thanks to the many thousands of people who have entrusted me with their confidence and shown a willingness to explore their innermost thoughts and experiences, out of which has come, hopefully, their opportunity to create a happier and much less stressful future.
Overall it can be said that the results, achieved largely through the efforts of the individuals concerned, have been impressive. Some people have made major gains, others have been willing to take only small steps. The most unexpected people have shown a willingness to make huge changes in their lives, to push their fears to the limit and to face up to and explore their inner anxieties, their uncertainties and past traumas. They have had the courage to take a good look at their past and their own attitudes and out of what they have learnt in this way to create a new and independent future, largely free from stress. You too can do this.
I have learnt many things during these years. I have learnt never to second guess what is bothering someone. The moment I do we get off track. Only you know what you feel. Only you know what is right for you. Only you can make the changes. I have also learnt that, by using the methods described in this book, people have been able to deal with a wide variety of stresses and come through smiling. The more willing you are to work with these ideas and explore them fully, the more successful you can be and the better your life can be in the future.
Finally, I have learnt to have great respect for every single person, not to judge them but to value them just as they are. Each individual is a single and valuable entity. Each individual is perfect, just as they are, for their present step on the pathway of their own chosen growth and development. This is true however much they plan to change and grow in the future, both immediate and distant. You too are perfect, however much you want to grow and change, and as soon as you can value yourself in this way you can have a happy and stress-free life.
One further point is worth emphasizing. The object of this book is to enable you to be in control of your life, your emotions and your responses to situations, to give you a clear base from which to enjoy your life and its relationships. It is you who can alter and improve your life, no-one else. For this reason you are not encouraged to lean on anyone or anything, including this book.
