loved working with Grace on the make-up counter for Pop Cosmetics and they’d become great friends over the years. They knew practically everything about each other, and Rachel was so glad she’d decided to take the job five years ago, despite having reservations about working in retail. There were usually three of them, but their colleague, Amber, was away in Thailand, due to arrive back in a few days’ time.
‘Good luck,’ Grace said, leaning in for a kiss a few hours later when they were leaving. ‘Let me know straightaway if you get engaged,’ she said, her lips curving at the edges. ‘What a lovely early Christmas present that would be.’
Rachel waved goodbye, feeling sick with nerves.
Their flat was empty when she got home, so Rachel put the kettle on, making a cup of tea for something to do. She was looking forward to decorating their flat for Christmas; they usually drank mulled wine and listened to Christmas songs to get them in the mood. She remembered amusedly how the year before they’d ended up pretty drunk and covered in glitter.
She was pouring the milk into the tea when she heard the front door open and Mark walk in.
‘Hi!’ Rachel attempted a smile and a breezy tone, swivelling round to face Mark as he walked into the kitchen. Her heart plummeted, as she instantly knew that whatever it was he was going to tell her, it wasn’t good news. There was definitely going to be no proposal tonight, of that she was certain.
‘Hi. Rach, do you mind sitting down?’ Mark asked gravely, walking over to the kitchen table with a slight stoop to his shoulders. His face was white as a sheet.
Rachel swallowed hard, knowing she should have trusted her gut instinct that something was wrong when he had called her that afternoon. Maybe he’d been sacked from his job and they were going to struggle to pay the bills? She could handle that though and would offer to work extra hours at Tidemans and start doing freelance make-up like she’d promised herself she would years ago. Or perhaps someone was sic k? Rachel was annoyed that she’d allowed Grace to get her hopes up that maybe, just maybe, he was going to propose and everything was going to be amazing in her life. She needed to stop telling herself that if she just had an engagement ring, everything would perfect.
‘I’ve made you a cup of tea,’ she said, placing the mug in front of him and sitting opposite. ‘Can you tell me what’s up now, please? You’re starting to scare me,’ she confessed, feeling awkward in front of him for the first time since they’d met.
Mark’s breathing was shallow and audible as he fidgeted in his seat and stared at his hands uncomfortably. Two red blotches suddenly appeared on his pale neck. He closed his eyes momentarily.
‘Look, there’s no easy way for me to say this, Rachel, but I’m moving out. I can’t be with you anymore,’ he stated, matter-of-factly.
Rachel felt as though she’d been winded, her mouth popping open in shock. She was completely speechless, the room spinning round as she stared at him in disbelief.
‘I’m so sorry to do this to you, I really am, but I can’t live a lie any longer and pretend that everything is okay, when it isn’t. You’re such an amazing person, Rach, you really are. Someone is going to be so lucky to have you one day,’ he said in pitying tones, ‘but I don’t love you the way I should anymore. You deserve better than me.’
A sense of deep foreboding washed over Rachel like a powerful waterfall. He couldn’t be serious? But as she gazed at Mark, praying he was just trying to wind her up, her eyes swept over his guilty, tormented expression, hunched shoulders and unsteady hands, and she knew that her life was about to change forever. This was definitely no joke, and Rachel felt physically sick, her mouth too dry to speak. She blinked several times and squinted her eyes at him. ‘But why? What’s changed?’ she managed to ask, her voice cracking with emotion. ‘I thought things were fine. I thought we were happy, Mark. I even, stupidly, thought we would get engaged soon,’ Rachel whispered breathlessly. ‘I imagined we’d be getting married next year and that maybe we could have a nice Christmas wedding like we’d discussed or…’
‘Rach, please don’t,’ he interjected, looking as though it was painful for him to talk, his eyes trailing to the window like he couldn’t bear to look at her. ‘It’s nothing you’ve done. You’ve been great, you are great in fact. It’s me.’ He winced. ‘Oh God, I don’t want to be the guy that gives you the cliché “it’s not you it’s me”.’
‘Then don’t be,’ Rachel retorted, her voice now razor sharp and unrecognisable. Her heart was beating so fast it felt like it might explode at any second.
‘I don’t want to hurt you,’ he whimpered. ‘I don’t deserve you, like I said. You deserve so much better than me.’
Even breaking up with her, Mark was being nice about it. He was so well spoken and polite that for some reason it made it more of a slap in the face because she couldn’t hate him. How on earth was this happening? How had it come to this? Rachel hadn’t gone after a bad boy, trying to tame him unsuccessfully. Rachel had chosen Mark. Mark with the kind, gentle features and smiley face who was friendly to everybody. The type of man to help an old lady crossing the road or to buy the homeless man on the street a cup of coffee. She’d settled for the good guy; the one who wasn’t supposed to break your heart after three years together. The one who was supposed to be proposing!
‘What’s changed?’ Rachel asked in a demanding voice. She needed an explanation. Rachel wasn’t giving up without a fight. They had so many plans for the future. Rachel had been looking forward to hosting Christmas for Mark’s entire family, like she’d done every year since they’d met. She’d been looking forward to playing board games with his sister, Lottie, who was just as competitive as Rachel, handing her presents out, which she’d put a lot of thought into, and pulling Christmas crackers at the table, with Mark’s father making them read the terrible jokes inside one by one. She had even been looking forward to Mark’s mother getting drunk, mumbling all her words and not making any sense by 9 p.m. Was she really going to be losing everyone in one fell swoop? It was devastating. Brutal.
Mark looked at her then, as though she was a poor little dog he was about to put down. ‘I have. Things have just changed. I love you, Rach, you know I do. But I think it’s more like a friend.’
It would have hurt less if he’d stabbed her and suddenly Rachel felt angry.
‘Right, well that’s just great then,’ she said, pushing her chair back to stand up, which made a loud scraping sound. ‘I’ll just get my things and go. There’s nothing I can do if you’re telling me that you only love me as a friend,’ she said, hating the fact that her face was scrunching up and her eyes were filling with tears.
‘Please, don’t, Rach. I already feel terrible enough,’ Mark replied, putting his head in his hands.
‘What do you want me to say, Mark? I love you, and not just as a friend. I thought we were going to be together forever, and now suddenly out of the blue you come home and tell me you no longer love me!’ Tears cascaded down her cheeks. ‘I feel like such an idiot.’
‘You’re not an idiot. I’m the idiot. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,’ he sighed, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.
‘You’re breaking up with me,’ Rachel stated, brushing her tears away roughly. ‘I’ll leave and make things easier for you,’ she told him, making her way into their bedroom to pack a bag.
‘No, I’ll leave,’ Mark said, jumping up to
