they’d become a secret couple, while Rachel had just been happily living her ordinary little life in ignorance. ‘Wrong. I can do whatever the hell I like,’ Rachel retorted, her head throbbing like it did when she had a migraine coming on. ‘I don’t owe you anything, Bianca. You want my boyfriend? You’re welcome to him. Don’t ever contact me again.’
Rachel marched to the front door, slamming it behind her. She took a deep breath wondering what on earth she was going to do.
What a very merry Christmas this was going to be.
Grace walked downstairs, instantly feeling irritated at the sight of the damp washing still lying there in the basket. She didn’t usually get irritated; people called her ‘breezy’ and ‘laidback’. Grace liked being perceived as a chilled-out kind of person; she simply didn’t get people who were always rushing around and stressed out. But, the night before, she’d asked Simon to do just one little thing and clearly it was too much to ask. Feeling a little unwell, Grace had gone to bed early and asked him to put the laundry she’d just washed on the radiators to dry before he came to bed. He’d obviously been too engrossed watching football to hear her, as usual. She couldn’t count the number of times he’d agreed to do something, only to not have the faintest idea what she was talking about when she mentioned it again days later. She usually just let it slide. It was just another thing to add to the list of Simon’s annoying ways, and normally she told herself it wasn’t a big deal. Nobody was going to die.
Grace huffed, the damp smell of the washing filling her nostrils as she picked up the basket. It would have to be washed again now, and she wished she’d just done it herself. Her mother had once told her never to rely on anybody apart from herself, and Grace could see why. As she walked through to the kitchen, she held her breath in exasperation spotting Simon’s dirty frying pan, decorated with the remains of crispy fried egg; his plate, cup and cutlery were all just sitting there on the work surface. She didn’t comprehend why he couldn’t just tidy away after himself. Living with Simon was like living with a child, and if Grace was honest, she’d got to the point where she was fed up of being so relaxed about everything, because actually, it wasn’t okay. He’d gone to work that morning, and just expected her to tidy up after him. Didn’t he understand that Grace had work too? She didn’t have time to constantly clear away his mess, but no matter how many times she explained this (in a polite, non-confrontational way), Simon just didn’t change. He couldn’t quite grasp the concept of sharing the housework. If he was so happy to live in a pigsty then so be it, she thought, deciding to leave his mess sitting exactly where it was, instead of tidying it away like she normally did.
Grace exhaled sharply as she noticed the bin was full to the brim and Simon hadn’t bothered to change it that morning, just stuffing his rubbish on top in the hope that she would do it. She wasn’t sure what it was about today, but Simon’s ways were really starting to get on top of her. She knew it was most likely because it was her time of the month, which was worse for her than normal because they’d been trying for a baby for the past year – and failing. But even if Grace did fall pregnant, how could she have a baby when Simon was like this? What help would Simon be? Over the years Simon just seemed to take her for granted. He didn’t appreciate anything she did. She was just Grace, his wife; the woman at home to make his dinners and clean the house, the woman to wash and iron his clothes, and she had just accepted it.
Don’t worry, Grace will do it.
It hadn’t always been that way, she remembered sadly; when they’d first met ten years ago, Simon had been impulsive and full of energy, often whisking her away for days out with only a moment’s notice. She remembered one Saturday when they were both bored, he’d persuaded her to get the Eurostar to Paris; it had been magical and they hadn’t been able to look at each other that day without smiling, in their own little secret world. It had been so romantic it was quite sickening and Grace could only imagine the amused and envious stares they had received from other couples who were no longer obsessed with each other because time had disintegrated their passion. They were the grinning couple standing on top of the Eiffel Tower taking a selfie. They were the ones holding hands and constantly kissing as though they were never going to see each other again. She recalled how they always had to be touching; just a simple touch of the hand, kiss on the lips or squeeze of the bum and Grace had walked around with a permanent smile because she had a boyfriend who completely adored her. She never once thought that it may not stay that way forever. She remembered one time when she’d been talking to Rachel and Amber, who were both single at the time, about relationships and Rachel had turned to her with a theatrical sigh and said, ‘I just want to find what you have with Simon. That’s all I want.’ Grace had frowned at the time, wondering why Rachel had thought they were so special, but looking back, they had been special. How Grace wished she could just wrap up their feelings from the old days in a box and keep them forever. Then as soon as things started to get dull and mundane she could open the box and show Simon. See how much you used to love me?
She’d loved his spontaneity. She’d loved how much he loved her; now she just felt like an old coat he’d grown tired of but still put on occasionally. She tried to be affectionate towards him, giving him the odd random kiss and cuddle, but she had to admit it felt as though she was the one making all the effort. It wasn’t a nice feeling and lately, Grace had found herself wondering if this was really it for her life now. Was this as exciting as things were going to get?
Grace ate her cereal quickly, putting her bowl into the dishwasher. Trying for a baby had definitely made things worse as far as their love life went. Sex had become mechanical, and most of the time, they just wanted the ‘job’ over with as quickly as possible. Grace would find herself thinking hurry up the entire time. It was hardly romantic or fun, and Grace felt frustrated that she still wasn’t pregnant. Everyone else seemed to manage it at the drop of a hat, including her sister, Amanda, who’d fallen pregnant six months ago on her first try. Falling pregnant on your first try seemed completely ludicrous to Grace. Just one try! Amanda seriously didn’t realize how lucky she was, Grace thought sullenly, as she went back upstairs to quickly brush her teeth. Grace couldn’t remember the first time she and Simon tried now, but she did remember how excited they were thinking that they’d soon be parents. How ridiculously naive they were. Grace hated how much hope they’d had. If only she could go back in time and tell herself, hold tight Grace, in twelve months’ time you still won’t have got there.
Grace had always told herself that she wouldn’t let the whole trying-to-get-pregnant-thing get her down. It would happen when it happened. She was a relaxed, mellow person, after all. She wasn’t uptight about anything and she wasn’t about to start changing now, over this. Of course, there was more to life than having children, and she did believe she’d get there in the end. It wasn’t the only thing she was focusing on in life. But after twelve unsuccessful months, it was impossible to not worry and feel disheartened and disappointed. It clearly wasn’t going to be as easy for them as it was for other couples and she had even started to fear that Simon was losing interest in becoming a father altogether now. The last two times she was ovulating, he’d brushed her off and told her he was too tired. He knew the importance of timing in her cycle, but Grace hadn’t wanted to push him. She didn’t want to be one of those women demanding sex just to get pregnant; she wanted it to at least feel natural. His refusal had hurt though, she couldn’t deny that. It had hurt just like his overall lack of interest in her and when she’d recently tried to voice her feelings, he’d just given a loud sigh as though she was trying to create unnecessary issues. Grace didn’t create unnecessary issues though! She was easygoing and low-maintenance; how had Simon forgotten that?
Grace turned the ignition on in her car to drive to Tidemans. Her thoughts turned to Rachel and she wondered if she was engaged, smiling for the
