It’s all yours.’
‘You don’t have to go right now,’ he mumbled guiltily, his eyes downcast. The dark shadows under his eyes and his blotchy skin gave the impression that the situation was making him ill. Well, good. Rachel hoped he was suffering just as much as she was.
‘What shall I do then, Mark? Sleep next to you in bed knowing that you don’t love me? Sleep on the sofa knowing that you’re next door where I usually sleep? I can’t believe you’re doing this, Mark. Just before Christmas too.’
‘There was never a right time. After Christmas it’s your birthday, then Valentine’s Day, then our anniversary. When would the right time be, Rach? I could sleep on the sofa,’ she heard him say, before she slammed the door to cry alone.
Rachel sobbed, trying to hold it together until she left. She was utterly heartbroken, but she didn’t want Mark to see how distraught she truly was. She felt humiliated and foolish. Mark seemed a complete stranger and not the man she’d laid beside for the past three years. Where had all this come from and how had Rachel not seen it coming? If he no longer loved her, there was really no going back now, was there? There was simply nothing she could do about it.
‘Where are you going to go?’ Mark asked her, his voice laced with sympathy and sadness as she opened the bedroom door with a suitcase.
‘I don’t know,’ Rachel responded honestly. ‘Home I guess. Not that it should concern you now.’
‘Yes, I suppose home to your parents is best. Rachel, I’m so sorry,’ he said pathetically, looking as though he didn’t know what to do with himself.
Rachel sniffed loudly, still unable to believe they were breaking up. ‘So am I, Mark. So am I.’
She closed the front door behind her, not looking back at him, and made her way to her car before her face crumpled and she cried her heart out.
Fifteen minutes later and Rachel was still crying. She was dreading going home to her parents and explaining what had happened. Her parents would be so disappointed; she could just see her mother’s sorrowful expression wondering how Mark had done this to her daughter. Her mother and father adored Mark. They were always telling her what a lovely young man he was and that she couldn’t have picked better.
I definitely could have picked better, Mum, the bastard has left me, she thought wryly as she stopped at the traffic lights.
Rachel’s mother had been harping on about grandchildren ever since she could remember and now she felt like she’d somehow let her down. She wondered if it would be better going to Bianca’s? Bianca lived alone in her flat and had a spare room she could stay in. They’d been best friends since childhood and Rachel felt completely at ease being a snivelling wreck in Bianca’s presence. Rachel was always there for Bianca when she was feeling down; she couldn’t count the number of times she’d been on the phone until 1 a.m. listening to Bianca ramble on about some guy who hadn’t called her back. Deciding this was the best idea, Rachel put her foot down hard on the accelerator and made her way there.
‘Rachel?’ Bianca looked as though she’d seen a ghost as she opened the front door. Her eyes were open wide with concern and shock as she gazed at Rachel standing there.
‘Oh Bee, it’s all gone horribly wrong. Can I stay here?’ Rachel sniffed, wiping her nose with a crumpled tissue she’d found in the bottom of her handbag.
‘Of course.’ Bianca opened the door and took Rachel in her arms. ‘What’s happened? Is it Mark?’ she asked gently.
Rachel nodded, her eyes filling with tears again. ‘We’ve broken up,’ she croaked. ‘He doesn’t love me anymore.’ Rachel’s face wrinkled as she said the words.
‘Oh Rachel, I’m so sorry. I’m just so, so sorry. Come through to the lounge. Let me get you a drink,’ Bianca suggested kindly.
Rachel let Bianca lead her into the lounge and sat on the sofa. ‘It’s come out of nowhere. I don’t know what I’m going to do,’ Rachel said, feeling helpless. The rug had been pulled from under her feet. She couldn’t believe she was here, instead of at home making dinner and wondering what to watch on television for the evening. Everything had happened so quickly.
Bianca looked awkward. She felt really bad for Rachel and it was a surprise seeing her in such a vulnerable state. Rachel was the strong one in their friendship. Rachel didn’t get upset about the little things like Bianca did. She was the one who was normally comforting and reassuring Bianca for whatever reason. Rachel had been the lucky one. She was the one with the job she loved and the boyfriend she adored. She was the first one to kiss a boy, lose her virginity and get into a serious relationship. It was Bianca who went out on the countless bad dates and struggled to find a nice man to settle down with.
‘Can I get you a drink? I can open a bottle of wine if you like?’ Bianca offered.
‘No, I’m fine,’ Rachel exhaled. ‘Well, I’m not fine, I’m completely heartbroken, but the thought of eating or drinking makes me feel sick.’
Bianca gave a little nod and sat down slowly opposite Rachel. ‘What did he say?’ Bianca asked in a small voice, her large brown eyes full of sympathy.
‘That he loves me like a friend,’ Rachel confessed, rolling her eyes. ‘Just what every woman wants to hear,’ she said sarcastically. ‘There’s nothing I can do about that, is there? I can’t make it better. I can’t say I’ll stop nagging him as much, or that I won’t be as possessive or whatever other things men hate. Because I don’t do any of those things and it’s not because I’ve done anything wrong, it’s because he doesn’t love me anymore. It’s the worst possible thing he could say.’ She closed her eyes trying to prevent the tears again. ‘I’m just hoping he says he’s made a mistake. I’m praying that because I’ve actually left him, he’ll change his mind.’ She laughed uncontrollably. ‘I’m pitiable, aren’t I? I just don’t know what’s going on anymore. I just want him to want me back.’
Bianca shifted on the armchair and stared at Rachel with a frown. ‘Perhaps it’s for the best?’ she replied optimistically. ‘You’ll meet someone else, Rach, you know you will. You always do. Maybe Mark just wasn’t for you?’
‘I don’t want to meet someone else,’ Rachel moaned, shaking her head and blowing her nose. ‘Mark was nice. He was reliable, loyal and dependable. My parents love him. My friends love him. He was the one,’ she stated firmly, her chin wobbling. ‘I thought I was going to be spending the rest of my life with him. I can’t explain it…’ She broke off. Bianca had never had a long-term boyfriend, so she couldn’t possibly know how she felt. Bianca’s relationships usually lasted no longer than a month. She had no idea what Rachel was going through, couldn’t ever know the pain she was feeling – not that Rachel was about to voice this for fear of hurting her feelings.
‘I just keep thinking I should have known,’ Rachel continued. ‘But I didn’t. I honestly thought everything was fine between us. I knew things weren’t perfect, but that’s life, right? No one’s relationship is perfect. The longer you’re together the more comfortable and relaxed you get. That’s just how it goes. What does he actually want?’ Rachel said, raising her shoulders.
Bianca sat quietly looking down at the floor. ‘You’ll meet someone else,’ she practically whispered.
‘I’m sure I will eventually,’ Rachel nodded, rubbing her nose and desperately trying to find some positivity.
