doesn’t make for good decisions. We are human beings, not robots. Our hearts and our heads need to work together to control our bodies.
Many of my clients question their ability to control their thoughts, emotions, and behavior. “I can’t help the way I feel,” they say. Or “I can’t get rid of the negative thoughts that run through my head,” and “I just can’t get motivated to do what I want to accomplish.” But with increased mental strength, it’s possible.
The Truth about Mental Strength
There’s a lot of misinformation and misconception about what it means to be mentally strong. Here are some of the truths about mental strength:
• Being mentally strong isn’t about acting tough. You don’t have to become a robot or appear to have a tough exterior when you’re mentally strong. Instead, it’s about acting according to your values.
• Mental strength doesn’t require you to ignore your emotions. Increasing your mental strength isn’t about suppressing your emotions; instead it’s about developing a keen awareness of them. It’s about interpreting and understanding how your emotions influence your thoughts and behavior.
• You don’t have to treat your body like a machine to be mentally strong. Mental strength isn’t about pushing your body to its physical limits just to prove you can ignore pain. It’s about understanding your thoughts and feelings well enough that you can determine when to behave contrary to them, and when to listen to them.
• Being mentally strong doesn’t mean you have to be completely self-reliant. Mental strength isn’t about proclaiming that you don’t ever need help from anyone or any type of higher power. Admitting you don’t have all the answers, asking for help when you need it, and acknowledging that you can gain strength from a higher power is a sign of a desire to grow stronger.
• Being mentally strong is not about positive thinking. Thinking overly positive thoughts can be just as detrimental as thinking overly negative thoughts. Mental strength is about thinking realistically and rationally.
• Developing mental strength isn’t about chasing happiness. Being mentally strong will help you to be more content in life, but it isn’t about waking up every day and trying to force yourself to feel happy. Instead, it’s about making the decisions that will help you reach your full potential.
• Mental strength isn’t just the latest pop psychology trend. Just like the physical fitness world is filled with fad diets and fitness trends, the world of psychology is often filled with fleeting ideas about how to become your best self. Mental strength isn’t a trend. The psychology field has been helping people learn how to change their thoughts, feelings, and behavior since the 1960s.
• Mental strength isn’t synonymous with mental health. While the healthcare industry often talks in terms of mental health versus mental illness, mental strength is different. Just like people can still be physically strong even if they have a physical health ailment like diabetes, you can still be mentally strong even if you have depression, anxiety, or other mental health problems. Having a mental illness doesn’t mean you’re destined to have bad habits. Instead, you can still choose to develop healthy habits. It may require more work, more focus, and more effort, but it’s very possible.
The Benefits of Mental Strength
It’s often easy to feel mentally strong when life is going well, but at times problems arise. A job loss, a natural disaster, an illness in the family, or a death of a loved one is sometimes inevitable. When you’re mentally strong, you’ll be more prepared to deal with life’s challenges. Benefits of increasing your mental strength include:
• Increased resilience to stress—Mental strength is helpful in everyday life, not just in the midst of a crisis. You’ll become better equipped to handle problems more efficiently and effectively, and it can reduce your overall stress level.
• Improved life satisfaction—As your mental strength increases, your confidence will also increase. You’ll behave according to your values, which will give you peace of mind, and you’ll recognize what’s really important in your life.
• Enhanced performance—Whether your goal is to be a better parent, to increase your productivity at the office, or to perform better on the athletic field, increasing your mental strength will help you reach your full potential.
How to Develop Mental Strength
You’ll never become an expert at anything by simply reading a book. Athletes don’t become elite competitors after reading about their sport nor do top musicians increase their musical abilities by simply watching other performers play. They also have to practice.
The following thirteen chapters aren’t meant to be a checklist that you either do or don’t do. They are a description of habits that everyone falls prey to sometimes. It’s meant to help you find better ways to cope with life’s challenges so you can avoid these pitfalls. It’s about growing, improving, and striving to become a little better than you were yesterday.
They Don’t Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves
Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality. —JOHN GARDNER
During the weeks that followed Jack’s accident, his mother couldn’t stop talking about the “horrible incident.” Every day she recounted the story about how both of Jack’s legs were broken when he was hit by a school bus. She felt guilty that she wasn’t there to protect him, and seeing him in a wheelchair for several weeks was almost more than she could bear.
Although doctors had predicted a complete recovery, she repeatedly warned Jack that his legs may never fully heal. She wanted him to be aware that he may not be able to play soccer or run around like the other kids ever again, just in case there was a problem.
Although his doctors had medically cleared him to return to school, his parents decided that Jack’s mother would quit her job and homeschool him for the remainder of the year. They felt that seeing and hearing school buses each day might trigger too many bad memories. They also wanted to spare him from having to watch idly from his wheelchair as his friends played at recess. They hoped that staying home would help Jack heal faster, both emotionally and physically.
Jack usually completed his homeschool work in the mornings and he spent his afternoons and evenings watching TV and playing video games. Within a few weeks, his parents noticed that his mood seemed to change. A normally upbeat and happy child, Jack became irritable and sad. His parents grew concerned that the accident may have traumatized him even more than they’d imagined. They pursued therapy in hopes it could help Jack deal with his emotional scars.
Jack’s parents took him to a well-known therapist with expertise in childhood trauma. The therapist had received the referral from Jack’s pediatrician, so she knew a little bit about Jack’s experience prior to meeting him.
