bar, beckoning the barman over towards her and instantly engaging him in whispered conversation, which involved staring blatantly at the happy couple and the rolling of eyes.
Dan awoke from his semi-coma with a start. He stared at Laura, and rubbed his chin. Laura stared back at him, and her heart melted again. He was so gorgeous, with the day or two’s growth of beard, the tanned, chiselled face. Their children would be beautiful, if they took after their father, there was no doubting that. However…
‘How…when?’ said Dan hoarsely. ‘Not you…Fuck, this is…Laura, you swore you were on the pill. Have you told…How? When? Why did you…’
Laura looked at his face again. The questions, the accusations, the problems ahead. And she was glad, glad it wasn’t true, glad she wasn’t giving Dan this news.
She put her finger on his lips. ‘Why the fuck would you think that?’ she said, half-laughing.
Dan didn’t smile. He looked even worse, if anything.
‘You stupid man,’ she said, laughing a little as the waitress returned with the drinks. ‘I’m not pregnant, did I ever say I was?’
‘She’s…not…’ the waitress hissed over their heads, gesturing towards the barman at both of them, her finger waving wildly and shaking her head.
‘You’re not?’ Dan said. ‘Really?’
‘Really,’ said Laura dryly.
Dan licked his upper lip, which was dewy with sweat, and said hoarsely, ‘Thank god for that.’ He slumped back into his seat and took his drink, almost sullenly. ‘Thank god. Sorry, Laura love, but you had me there for a moment. The timing…not good.’
‘I didn’t say…’ Laura began, then broke off. She patted his arm. ‘Calm down, Dan. I wouldn’t do that, I’m not stupid.’
Dan took a huge swig of his drink. ‘No, you’re not,’ he said simply. ‘That’s one of the things I’ve always loved best about you, you know.’
‘Me?’ Laura said, taken aback. ‘Really?’
‘Yeah,’ Dan said, fiddling with a beer mat. ‘You know. You’re so…just smart. You know? You make things better. You’re organised. You do that job, you know. Help all those kids, give them a better start and shit. And the way you organise things, remember everyone’s birthdays, all that stuff. It’s…it’s…’
He put his pint down and turned to her, and Laura was astounded to see he had tears in his eyes.
‘It’s…it’s just always better when you’re in the room.’
Laura had often wondered, since the fifth day of bumping into each other at the station and chatting away till they missed two trains, when Dan had said, ‘This is ridiculous. Tomorrow let’s meet fifteen minutes earlier. We can have a coffee. Yes?’ and she had trotted down onto the tube platform to find him waiting for her, a smile of welcome on his face, holding a coffee he’d bought from the stall in his hand for her, what exactly it was about her that he apparently liked so much – so much that he was willing to risk such a lot for her, for himself. And now she knew. She was dependable, she was nice. She was organised. She got the job done. A set of more prosaic, no, boring, qualities, she thought, it would be difficult to find, and had she been displaying any of those qualities lately? No, absolutely not.
She swallowed, trying to look on the bright side, and immediately an image flashed into her head of Amy, stunning, slim Amy, reclining at home, flicking through a magazine, gingerly blowing nail varnish dry on one tiny fingernail. Wearing some exquisite lace and silk nightgown, specifically for lounging around in, probably.
She looked at him, swallowed again, and gripped the side of the table. She knew the moment was coming, inexorably she could feel it creeping towards the conversation, like a marching beat.
‘Thank you,’ she said.
‘I mean it,’ Dan replied. ‘When you’re around…I just feel better. You look after me. The way you…you make breakfast, for instance, you remember I like to put the Marmite on myself.’ He ran his hands through his hair. ‘That sounds crap, but you know what I mean. You listen to me if I’ve had a bad day.’
And how many times have you ever asked me about my day? Laura suddenly thought. It was a straightforward question, but suddenly she couldn’t think why she hadn’t thought it before, six, seven months before. How many times? She wanted him to see her as the unattainable, the alluring woman of mystery, who drove him to the edge of distraction, not…not this. Pleasant. Kind. Ugh.
‘…And you…I don’t know. You care about me, I can tell you stuff. And Amy – she never…well, to be honest, I just think that’s why we don’t…’ He stopped suddenly.
‘She never what?’ Laura said sharply.
‘Well, she’s never that interested,’ Dan said, almost in a rush. ‘She’s just completely self-obsessed. You know what she’s like. This bag. That dress. How expensive is this or that because I can only buy it if it’s ridiculously overpriced.’
His tone was angry, almost vicious. He rubbed his hands over his eyes, like a little child.
‘Sorry,’ he said, and turned to her. ‘I’m just really tired, that’s all.’
He stared at her, almost hungrily. ‘Oh, Laura. I know we need to talk, but…can’t we just leave? Go back to yours? You know…’
‘No!’ said Laura, much more loudly than she’d meant to, and Dan jumped, as did the middle-aged American couple at the table next to them.
‘Right, then,’ Dan said, smiling at the couple, who obviously thought Dan and Laura were mad. He handed them a bar towel to mop up the beer that the husband had spilt, and gave them a charming smile. Laura did too, and found herself thinking, What a great couple we make. ‘No!’ she said again, more to herself, and the wife jumped again.
Dan stared at her and said, slightly impatiently, ‘Laura, what’s going on with you? You’re behaving like a schoolgirl who’s afraid she’ll be caught for bunking off or something, darling. What’s up?’
Laura took a deep breath. ‘What’s going on?’ she said, holding her nerve. ‘With us. I want…er…I want some answers.’
‘Well,’ Dan said. He ran his hands through his hair again. ‘Darling, I’ve told you. Well…god, you know how I feel about you…’
‘It’s not enough,’ Laura said gently. ‘It’s not enough any more. Dan, we’re going on holiday in two weeks’ time, for god’s sake! And you’re supposed to be leaving Amy before that. You – you know how I feel about you. This has been going on for – how long is it now, seven months? – and we’re nowhere nearer being together than we were at the beginning of it. It’s not enough. We have to sort out – sort it out. I’m – I’m in love with you. It’s killing me, this is. We have to sort it out. Otherwise…’
Laura trailed off. She didn’t know what the otherwise was, or at least it was too terrifying for her to come out with. She looked around the room slowly, and let her eyes come back to Dan, to see how he was taking this, but her nerve failed her.
‘Otherwise…’
