giving attention to or uniting mentally with that which is negative and destructive. When a man is silently resenting his wife and is full of hostility toward her, he is unfaithful. He is not faithful to his marriage vows which are to love, cherish and honor her all the days of his life.
The man who is brooding, bitter and resentful can swallow his sharp remarks, abate his anger and he can go to great lengths to be considerate, kind and courteous. He can deftly skirt the differences. Through praise and mental effort, he can get out of the habit of antagonism. Then, he will be able to get along better, not only with his wife, but with business associates also. Assume the harmonious state and eventually you will find peace and harmony.
The Great Mistake
A great mistake is to discuss your marital problems or difficulties with neighbors and relatives. Suppose, for example, a wife say to the neighbor, “John never gives me any money. He treats my mother abominably, drinks to excess and is constantly abusive and insulting.”
Now, this wife is degrading and belittling her husband in the eyes of all the neighbors and relatives. He no longer appears as the ideal husband to them. Never discuss your marital problems with anyone except a trained counselor. Why cause numerous people to think negatively of your marriage? Moreover, as you discuss and dwell upon these shortcomings of your husband, you are actually creating these states within yourself. Who is thinking and feeling it? You are! As you think and feel, so are you.
Relatives will usually give you the wrong advice. It is usually biased and prejudiced because it is not given in an impersonal way. Any advice you receive which violates the golden rule which is a cosmic law, is not good or sound.
It is well to remember that no two human beings ever lived beneath the same roof without clashes of temperament, periods of hurts and stain. Never display the unhappy side of your marriage to your friends. Keep your quarrels to yourself. Refrain from criticism and condemnation of your partner.
Don't Try To Make Your Wife Over
A husband must not try to make his wife into a second edition of himself. The tactless attempt to change her in many ways is foreign to her nature. These attempts are always foolish and many times result in a dissolution of the marriage. These attempts to alter her, destroy her pride and self-esteem, and arouse a spirit of contrariness and resentment that proves fatal to the marriage bond.
Adjustments are needed, of course, but if you have a good look inside your own mind, and study your character and behavior, you will find so many shortcomings; they will keep you busy the rest of your life. If you say, “I will make him over into what I want,” you are looking for trouble and the divorce court. You are asking for misery. You will have to learn the hard way that there is no one to change but yourself.
Pray Together & Stay Together Through Steps In Prayer
The First Step
Never carry over from one day to another accumulated irritations arising from little disappointments. Be sure to forgive each other for any sharpness before you retire at night. The moment you awaken in the morning, claim Infinite Intelligence is guiding you in all your ways. Send out loving thoughts of peace, harmony and love to your marriage partner, to all members of the family and to the whole world.
The Second Step
Say grace at breakfast. Give thanks for the wonderful food, for your abundance and for all your blessings. Makes sure that no problems, worries or arguments shall enter into the table conversation; the same applies at dinner time. Say to your wife or husband, “I appreciate all you are doing and I radiate love and good will to you all day long.”
The Third Step
The husband and wife should alternate in praying each night. Do not take your marriage partner for granted. Show your appreciation and love. Think appreciation and good will, rather than condemnation, criticism and nagging. The way to build a peaceful home and a happy marriage is to use a foundation of love, beauty, harmony, mutual respect, faith in God and all things good. Read the 23rd, 27th and 91stPsalms, the 11th chapter of Hebrews, the 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians and other great texts of the Bible before going to sleep. As you practice these truths, your marriage will grow more and more blessed through the years.
Review Your Actions
1. Ignorance of mental and spiritual laws is the cause of all marital unhappiness. By praying scientifically together, you stay together.
2. The best time to prevent divorce is before marriage. If you learn how to pray in the right way, you will attract the right mate for you.
3. Marriage is the union of a man and woman who are bound together by love. Their hearts beat as one and they move onward, upward and Godward.
4. Marriage does not bequeath happiness. People find happiness by dwelling on the eternal truths of God and the spiritual values of life. Then, the man and woman can contribute to each other's happiness and joy.
5. You attract the right mate by dwelling on the qualities and characteristics you admire in a woman or a man, and then your subconscious mind will bring you together in divine order.
6. You must build into your mentality the mental equivalent of what you want in a marriage partner. If you want to attract an honest, sincere and loving partner in life, you must be honest, sincere and loving yourself.
7. You do not have to repeat mistakes in marriage. When you really believe you can have the type of man or woman you idealize, it is done unto you as you believe. To believe is to accept something as true. Accept your ideal companion now mentally.
8. Do not wonder how, why or where you will meet that mate you are praying for. Trust implicitly the wisdom of your subconscious mind. It has the “know-how,” and you don't have to assist it.
9. You are mentally divorced when you indulge in peeves, grudges, ill will and hostility toward your marriage partner. You are mentally dwelling with error in the bed of your mind. Adhere to your marriage vows, “I promise to cherish, love and honor him her) all the days of my life.”
10. Cease projecting fear patterns to your marriage partner. Project love, peace, harmony and good will and your marriage will grow more beautiful and more wonderful through the years.
11. Radiate love, peace and good will to each other. These vibrations are picked up by the subconscious mind resulting in mutual trust, affection and respect.
12. A nagging wife is usually seeking attention and appreciation. She is craving for love and affection. Praise and exalt her many good points. Show her that you love her and appreciate her.
13. A man who loves his wife does not do anything unloving or unkind in word, manner or action. Love is what love does.
14. In marital problems, always seek expert advice. You would not go to a carpenter to pull a tooth; neither should you discuss your marriage problems with relatives or friends. You should go to a trained person for counsel.
15. Never try to make your wife or husband over. These attempts are always foolish and tend to destroy the pride and self esteem of the other. Moreover, it arouses a spirit of resentment that proves fatal to the marriage bond. Cease trying to make the other a second edition of yourself.
