arm, she makes a dash for the door before her mother can change her mind. “Come on, buddy, let’s go.”
Eric high-fives his sister. “Partners in crime?”
“Always!” Sally responds, high-fiving him back.
They feel invincible—she sixteen, he fourteen. The world is their oyster. They cruise around a bit to experience Sally’s new freedom before ending up at the local pizza joint. After spending the afternoon munching on pizza, sipping ice-cold sodas and playing video games, Sally and Eric head home.
The next day is a spectacular Saturday—perfect beach weather.
Sally and Eric ask, “Please, Ma, can we go to the beach today?”
Their mother shakes her head. “I wish I could, guys, but I’m swamped.” She brightens. “But Sally can drive. No reason you two can’t go.”
“Really?” Sally asks. “You trust me to drive all the way down there and back—alone?”
“Sure, honey. Just as long as the two of you stay together.”
“Thanks, Ma,” Sally says.
Excited by their new independence, the siblings load their stuff into the car and head down to Redondo Beach. It is a glorious day, complete with blue skies, waves calling to them and the smell of sunshine on their hair and skin. Sally grabs her boogie board and says, “Last one in is a rotten egg.”
They race out into the waves. Due to the riptide that day, they keep repositioning themselves back near the lifeguard tower and stay out in the waves for hours, catching one good run after another, having the time of their lives. Eric looks at Sally as the day begins to wane.
“One more ride? Then we can leave.”
Unable to resist his puppy dog face, Sally says, “Okay, one more, then we’ve got to head home.”
They paddle out on their boards and wait for the perfect wave. It arrives, and they align themselves to ride it in. Positioning themselves side by side at its crest, the two smile broadly at one another. Sally says, “See you on the other side.”
They both paddle in earnest and begin to ride the top of the wave.
By the time they realize their mistake, it is too late. They have over paddled and drop out over the crest of the eight-foot, monstrously powerful wave. Unable to stop what is happening, Sally desperately looks at her younger brother and yells, “Hold on, Eric, this is gonna get rough!”
“I’m scared!” he says, his eyes opened wide.
Sally offers him a reassuring smile. “I won’t leave you.”
Over the top they both pitch and are immediately sucked headfirst, straight down into the foaming churn of the whitewater. Sally cannot distinguish which way is up or down. Unable to hold her breath any longer, she gasps for air, her lungs filling with burning salt water. She begins swimming as hard as she can, clawing her way to the surface, choking and gagging. Breaking free, she fills her lungs with air, spews out the saltwater she has taken in and then swims for land. She pulls herself out of the water and staggers onto the shore, dropping to all fours still gagging and coughing up saltwater.
Turning around, she expects to see Eric alongside her. All she finds is his boogie board. Gooseflesh blankets her skin. Standing up, Sally scans the water to locate him. He is nowhere to be seen. She runs up and down the shore calling his name. She sees him, limp and broken at the water’s edge. Lifeguards encircle him.
Running to her little brother, she hears someone call his name in guttural tones—it is herself. “Oh, my God! Eric. No! Eric!” She drops to her knees by his side.
One of the lifeguards tries to pull her away but she fights him, crying, “Get off me! This is my brother.”
A second lifeguard steps in to help pull her away. “Miss, you’ve got to let them do their job.”
Sally relents. “What’s wrong with him? Why isn’t he moving?”
One of the lifeguards answers, “Looks like he’s broken his neck, probably when he hit bottom.”
Horrified, Sally looks at her brother’s lifeless form.
He’s so…pale.
“He took in a lot of water,” the lifeguard continues. “They’re trying to breathe life back into him….”
The lifeguard cannot bring himself to finish. Sally helplessly watches as they work on Eric for what seems like forever. She hears the shrill wailing of approaching sirens in the distance and mumbles, “What am I going to tell her? How will I— She trusted me— I was— I was supposed—”
She rides with her brother in the ambulance as the EMTs furiously attempt to revive Eric’s still, small body.
He’s so grey. Come on, buddy, fight. I’m right here. Don’t leave me.
Every mile they drive draws Sally into a deeper state of shock.
Her heart pounds, her skin grows cold, and her mind thrashes against the horrific scenario playing out before her.
Upon arriving at the hospital, they pronounce her baby brother— her buddy—her soul mate—her confidant—dead.
Sally falls into a zombie-like state, going through the motions of life, yet gaining no enjoyment from them. All she wants is to smile—really smile again. She simpers on the outside while crying on the inside.
I just want to laugh with him again. I loved belly laughing with him until we couldn’t breathe. I feel so cold—frozen—like an isolated iceberg.
Sally hates to be cold. She is alone and feels alone. Nothing she does has any real meaning. She awakes, sobbing, every night reliving that dreaded moment on the beach.
Why did we take one more ride? If I’d insisted on leaving, Eric would still be alive. Why did I let him talk me into catching that wave? Why?
Sally avoids going to bed until the wee hours of the morning, fearful of nightmares. Her stomach muscles hurt from constantly crying. She hugs herself in an attempt to halt the impending ache. A sickening artificial smile appears on her face and her eyes burn as tears flood them, endlessly streaming down her cheeks. Silently, they come like Ninja soldiers making a stealthy attack. Without warning, they overwhelm her.
Just once I want to win this emotional war. But I can’t. This is what I deserve—this hell I’m living. This is my punishment for failing my little brother.
And so her torment continues. Sally falls asleep sobbing and awakes crying out to Eric. Every night and morning, there is a fresh puddle of salty tears soaked into her pillow. She hates the mornings most, for with them comes the gut-wrenching reminder that she has to face yet another day without her beloved brother. There seems to be no end to her purgatory.
Sally’s mother has her own demons to contend with. Wracked with the grief and guilt only a parent can feel, she questions her every
