I want it.”
There is something very different with respect to perception when you are suffering from an eating disorder. When you get into this “headspace”, it becomes a language all its own and to break through is one hell of a difficult task. Everything took a second seat to my disease: my relationship, my family, friends and ultimately, my work.
Over the next few years, I was in and out of hospitals with my health continuing to deteriorate along with almost all my relationships. My menstrual cycle had stopped years before. I was emaciated and constantly cold. My skin was a pasty colour. My electrolytes were out of whack; potassium levels low, teeth deteriorating, and muscle spasms beginning. Emotionally I was lethargic, extremely irritable and easily frustrated. The need for perfection was intense. The self torture was insane and it affected everything and everyone around me.
How did I get better? It did not happen overnight but instead was a lengthy road to a life I now call the rainbow. Throughout my journals, a number of things reappeared that were good. They helped make it a better day, and with patience and time, a better life. My hope is that the information I share with you will help you too.
Hovering around 80 lbs.
1990 Honeymoon in Florida
1991 – 93 lbs.: Smiles... but everyday a struggle.
One of a few hospital stays.
Ringing in the New Year... a wonderful location.
CHAPTER ONE IN REVIEW
It is amazing how life, when you let it, does indeed fall into place and come full circle. With it, constant changes, and what I know now is a constant process. Today with wellness those changes are manageable. I see so clearly now that the key to dealing with change is being balanced mentally, physically and emotionally.
Upon reviewing Chapter One, “The Pain the Past”, I am reminded just how the life process works. I discussed a few of the issues that served as a catalyst for my disease: sexual and emotional abuse, family dynamics, peer pressure and the media.
Still today the media continues to promote the perfect body and at the same time discusses the issue of eating disorders to a degree never seen before. It is strangely becoming the “in thing” to have. Each week another tabloid is exploiting another young actress as she struggles to survive in the public jungle, coping by shedding pounds. While the exposure to the disease’s issues is a good thing, the fame they are attaching to it is not. At the same time, one of the top rated television programs presently is “The Biggest Loser”.
What I have come to realize with all the exposure to weight issues, be it the obesity epidemic in North America or the danger of eating disorders, is that the news is not going to disappear. My recovery and the personal work I continue to do allow me to filter out this information, putting it where it needs to be without affecting me personally. I encourage those embracing the road to recovery to do the same.
I’ve been asked by readers, “Do the old messages ever go away?” The question often being asked is in reference to my sexual abuse by a neighbour, and the emotional abuse by members of the clergy at the private school I attended in high school. My answer is…the messages never go away completely but with wellness I have been able to process them in a way that they no longer influence my day to day activities.
That’s what recovery allows you to do; realistically put things where they need to be placed within your life’s history. What you ultimately realize is that you can choose to stay in the past and the negativity that’s attached to it, or you can deal with the present, the now and move on. This aspect of being 100% present in the now has been key to how I live my life today.
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.
Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.
