His wanting the behind position
* FINALLY registered and I eventually filed for a divorce
Blame Was the Name of His Game
My ex had a way of turning things around on me. If I complained about him not ever making love to me, he would tell me that we were always fighting, and he just didn’t feel like making love when we are mad at each other. Many times he would just fall asleep in his recliner and not come to bed until very late.
I never got along with his mother, and he sided with her anytime there was an argument. We had a big argument one Christmas because she felt we should come on Christmas day, and not afterwards. We had two families to go see, and she was always demanding priority. My ex asked me one year to leave my parents early to go see her, and he would tell her that Christmas was over on the 26th and we would just leave. He seemed upset with her and I agreed. Leaving on the 26th and him saying anything to her never happened. It was all forgotten because he did not want to bring it up and ruin the holiday. He was furious when I exploded and told them both what I thought. I believe she knew for years about her son being gay. I was blamed for that awful Christmas and how I acted.
Throughout our marriage, I was to blame for anything that went wrong. During the divorce, he did not want to let me keep the house, and he told me that he could force me to sell it and we would divide the equity. He did not want me bringing in another man to live in HIS house. He also told me that I favored my family and he hated to go see them, and I never wanted to go see his. This was quite funny to me since he and our daughters loved going to see my parents. My mother adored him and my family liked him. My mother often cooked his favorites instead of mine! He had supported her many times during her difficulties she faced with her own parents and siblings.
Our daughters loved going to the farm and enjoyed seeing their cousins when they would visit. My ex had no siblings to visit; it was just he and his mother. To this day, he has never acknowledged any blame.
Perhaps not being in the same town and in the same house, I was one of the lucky ones. I didn’t have constant abuse from him directly. I felt alone but I stayed busy and didn’t allow myself to think about the real problems. I didn’t turn to drugs or alcohol, and I didn’t feel the need to seek therapy. I certainly knew he would never go for counseling. I have felt very sad for wasting so many years of my life with this marriage.
Happily Ever After – For Real
After the divorce, we stayed friends for a few years and then he admitted he was gay in an email about three years later. I became angry and decided to be mad for a year. During that time I never dated and had no love interest at all. Even though I knew he was gay, hearing it from him was a shock and I became determined to talk and write about my life, hoping to help others.
An old classmate from high school asked me out on a date
