denominations. So many different interpretations of the Bible. But really, when you sort through and pull out what really matters, what ultimately makes a difference in someone’s life is this: Jesus loves us. Everything else flows from that one basic truth.
It was because of His love that He went to the cross to die for us. The love was there first. It was because of His love that He did things differently than the religious leaders who were out for their own glory. It was because of His love that He healed people. It was because of His love that He performed miracles. Everything good, right and true was and is because of His love. Everything. The whole Old Testament is about how God orchestrated and set in motion world events leading up to Christ’s death on the cross. Because of His love. Genesis 1:1 (“In the beginning God created”) happened because of God’s love.
Imagine that for a moment. Unlock the part of you that used to dress up, play school or imagine fantasy worlds—whatever you did with your imagination that caused you joy. Picture being the heroine of a land where everything miraculous, beautiful and good is because of how loved you are. What do you feel about that? Now consider—this is not a figment of your imagination. This is real life, with God.
It’s not surprising that a children’s song captures the truth. Jesus said in Matthew 18:3 that unless you become like a child you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. God has always placed great value on a child’s simple way of looking at Him…stripped of all the trappings of our complicated adult minds, back to the simple, powerful, bottom-line truth: Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.
I can almost hear some of the backlash to what I have just said. Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not discounting the many other very important truths that are found in the Bible. I’m just saying that when push comes to shove, when you are talking someone back from the edge of a cliff (figuratively or literally), you need to be able to be concise, powerful and convincing. It may be your only chance. So what sums it up? What matters most? Some would say salvation, through Jesus’s death and resurrection. That is true, but what prompted that? Yes, our sin made it necessary for there to be a sacrifice, I know. But what prompted that particular sacrifice? His love for us.
Remember one of the verses I quoted earlier? Pay attention to the way it is worded: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son” (John 3:16, emphasis added). He so loved the world. It doesn’t say, “For God detested our sin, so He sent His one and only Son.” It doesn’t say, “God knew He was the only way to fix man’s sin, so He sent His only Son.” It doesn’t say, “For God loved the world, He gave His one and only Son.” It says, “For God so loved the world.” This verse means that God loved the world in a manner that caused Him to send His only Son to die. That’s a pretty powerful, strong kind of love to compel that kind of sacrifice, don’t you think? God loved us so much that He demonstrated His great love for us by sending His only Son to die.
But what does that mean? How does being the object of that kind of passionate love move you? You are so loved. Do you feel so loved? You may be able to answer these questions with a firm and sure answer. And that is amazing if you can. But if you can’t, please don’t lose heart. And know you are not alone…getting to the answers to those questions is the very reason we began this journey together.
At times, what His love feels like doesn’t fit in a neat and tidy churchy box. (It is worth noting that at this stage in the journey for some, it may not feel neat and tidy at all…it may feel disappointing, confusing and painful.) And that’s okay. We will walk this road together—there is hope.
Since we just talked about God’s view of children, I thought I’d ask my children how it feels and what being so loved by God means to them. I’ve decided to share with you what they came up with, because I think it shows how God reaches in and reveals His love to us in ways that meet us where we are.
Here are a few examples of what my boys, Caleb, 8, and Ethan, 11, said: “It feels like always meeting new friends” (my extreme extrovert); “It reminds me of getting a new present, like a puppy. You feel so happy” (Caleb’s desperate for a dog); “It feels like winning the Stanley Cup over and over again” (Ethan loves hockey); “It’s like giving someone a hug after a long day.”
Take a minute now and make your own list. I’ve started mine. So far I have: a soothing warm bath for cold, tired bones; finally bringing home the missing piece to complete my room; safe and secure. Perhaps you could find a journal to use throughout your reading of this book, as I will often suggest that you do some writing and reflecting as we go on (sorry, it’s the therapist in me). It will likely be helpful to assess your list. Add to it as He reveals Himself to you. Correct it as He opens your eyes to His truth. Put tick marks beside places where you have it totally right. Because He wants you to know how it feels and what it means to be loved by Him.
I invite you to join me as I explore the depth and breadth of God’s love and how this safe, secure, worth-giving, life-changing, sacrifice-compelling love impacts the most precious, sacred parts of our being. My prayer is that as we take this journey together, you will be able to see past my thoughts and words to the One who loves you and to what He has planned for you in relationship with Him.
1 See John Bowlby, Attachment and Loss, 3 vols. (New York: Basic Books, 1969-1980).
Chapter Two: Love Means No Condemnation
For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.
John 3:16
Those of you who consider yourselves seasoned believers may feel like this chapter has little relevance. Like sitting through a gospel message. I would consider myself a pretty seasoned believer, and it has great relevance for me.
Not too long ago I did something to my husband, Todd, that I felt was wrong, and I was beside myself about it. I shared something with a friend of ours, for prayer, that involved my husband. Not something bad about him, just something that was part of our journey. These are friends we “do life” with. They know us and all our “stuff.” This is what we talk about with them, and this level of authenticity characterizes our relationship. Yet, after I shared with her, I felt regret. I wished I hadn’t done so—I wished I had checked with Todd first before I opened my big mouth, because it was really his story, not mine, to share. I felt sick about it.
By the time the end of the day had come and I had time alone with Todd to talk about it, I had built it up in my head to be a major breech in trust that I had committed against him, and I feared he would feel very betrayed by me and that it would affect his ability to feel emotionally safe with me going forward. I was beating myself up pretty badly about it all—first because he is the last person on earth I would ever want to cause any upset to, and second because I am a therapist. Confidentiality is what I do for a living. I should know better.
After we got the kids into bed, I sat down beside my husband (ready to vomit) and told him that I had done something very wrong that I needed to confess to him. The poor guy got a really concerned look on his face, turned off the TV and faced me. I then proceeded to tell him what I had shared with our friend and that I felt it was very wrong—that it was his story to share, and I should have talked with him about sharing it before I just did so.
His concerned look completely disappeared and was replaced with an expression of relief. Then he furrowed his brow, shook his head and said, “Babe, that is not a big deal at all. Don’t worry about it! I totally trust [our friend], and I am completely fine with you telling her so they can pray.”
I couldn’t believe how huge of a deal I had made it in my head and how little of a deal it was in reality to my husband. It was such a reminder to me of just how powerful
