one. It can move you from good to bad in your head in a split second if you are not careful. It can make you think you have damaged your marital intimacy by seeking the prayer support of those who love you, when in fact you haven’t.
Condemnation caused me to think that my husband’s trust in me, love for me and emotional safety with me might be compromised. And more than that, truth be told, condemnation had me feeling like I didn’t even deserve any of that from him. All because of something I thought was a mistake.
Condemnation does that to us with God too. It gets us thinking we aren’t good enough. That He couldn’t love us or want us around after what we have or have not done. And God responds like my husband. “I love you. It’s not a big deal to Me, because I covered that already with Jesus and the cross.”
Why did I say that being so loved by God means no condemnation, instead of saying that it means salvation? (I believe that the only way we are actually free from condemnation is because of salvation through Christ Jesus—please see appendix E if you would like to read my thoughts about this a bit more.) Because I believe it is much easier for women to accept the idea of salvation than the idea of no condemnation. Think back to the story I shared earlier about my friend if you need a real-life illustration of what I mean. If we feel condemned, even though we are saved, we certainly won’t feel so loved. Or valuable. Or worth much.
The Daughter of Love: Grace
I love grace. It’s what I was met with in the eyes of my husband when I sat down beside him, before he even knew what I was going to tell him. He tells me it is because of how much he loves me—he hates to see me upset, even when he is the one who has been wronged. It’s in those moments that I find myself keenly aware of the verses that talk about Christ as the bridegroom and the Church as the bride. This is how He responds to us. He loves us so much despite all the things we have done wrong that when He looks at us, He is moved by His love and doesn’t condemn us. He offers us grace.
Why do I make mention of grace when we are supposed to be talking about love? Grace is because of love. It’s an outgrowth of love. It’s almost an action word for love. And it’s what we are met with instead of condemnation. When I was a teenager, I heard a preacher at Joy Bible Camp say, “Grace is God’s hand giving us what we don’t deserve, and mercy is His hand holding back what we do deserve.”
Why would God show us mercy and grace?
Because He loves us.
But, because God loves us, He also made us with free will. He doesn’t force us to love Him or obey Him; nor does He make us like robots, to follow Him blindly and without choice. Adam and Eve were given a choice, and they didn’t listen. They didn’t choose God’s way. But because God loves us, He doesn’t give up on us…ever. Adam and Eve sinned and broke the perfect relationship with God, but there is a second chance. We don’t have to remain destined to a life without God. Jesus Christ died on the cross and rose again to take care of the price that needed to be paid. That sacrifice was made for us, out of love.
And because of that love, God lavishes us with grace. Psalm 103:12 says that as far as the east is from the west, that’s how far our sins are removed from us because of Him. That is grace He shows us because we are so loved. That is Him holding back what we deserve…so far back that it’s as far away as the east is from the west. So that we are not “just” saved; we are free from condemnation. Because our sins are removed from us through Jesus, we don’t have to worry about being condemned. It’s all been taken care of. Romans 8:1 says, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (emphasis added). Because we believe, we are no longer condemned. Now, or for eternity.
Funny how the Bible can say that so clearly, yet we can be so fuzzy about what it means. It doesn’t say that if you should have known better you will be condemned. It doesn’t say that you may be condemned if it was one of the “big” sins. It doesn’t say that if you keep doing the same thing wrong you will be condemned. It doesn’t say that you really should be perfect because you are to be like Christ, so you will be condemned. It doesn’t say that if you were abused there’s something wrong with you, so you are condemned. It doesn’t say that although you are forgiven you should continue to beat yourself up for past mistakes so that you won’t be condemned. It says there is no condemnation. None.
He so loves us, and there is no condemnation in Him. Those two things are a big deal! Most of us can think of at least one relationship we’ve had at some point in our lives where we felt there were strings attached. You won the person’s favour, but it came at a price to you. You had to do something, go somewhere, act in some way to please the other person. Everything was dependent on you and how you behaved, and if you measured up, it all worked out. I sure had my share of those relationships when I was younger.
In fact, much of life feels like this, doesn’t it? We feel we are always trying to measure up to something or someone—whether it be a societal standard for physical appearance, professional performance, relationship status or some kind of achievement. And when we think we haven’t measured up—or worse, when we are told we don’t measure up—that is such a horrible feeling. We feel terrible about ourselves. We feel condemned.
There is none of that when we are being so loved by God. We are already good enough in His eyes. (Hold your theological reactions here, please—I’m not saying good enough to enter heaven; I’m saying good enough to be loved. He loved us before we loved Him, remember?) And it is safe with Him. There’s no criticism. No more “less than.” No more “not as good as.” No more making amends. No walking on eggshells. No bending over backwards to please. It’s done. It’s taken care of. Jesus took care of it all when He died for you and for me. And because He did that, He made it so that once we accept this awesome love offering, we can sit back and bask in the amazing mystery of being so loved by His Father.
We don’t often do that, though, do we? Sit back and bask in His love? Spend time just reflecting on how much He loves us and how secure that love will always be—either through alone time with Him, in His Word, listening to praise music or reading something that draws our hearts and minds to that place. I would dare to suggest that it doesn’t happen nearly as frequently or with as many people as it could, for a few reasons.
One reason may be that there is yet to be a relationship established. Perhaps there has not yet been an acceptance of being so loved by Him, so there has never been a sense of needing or wanting to bask in the love. The person is still in the searching phase. Or they don’t yet realize what is there waiting for them…the extent to which they are loved. I also think it is because many people are like I used to be before I began this journey with God. They believe with their whole hearts, and they understand (in their heads) the theological teachings of the Christian Church about being loved by God. But their head knowledge has never translated into the action of sitting back and just soaking up His love.
Another reason I don’t think it happens often enough with enough people is because we are not used to this kind of love. Add the fact that we are such a busy society. We do not do very well at taking time for things, let alone basking in something! We are used to doing something. Used to action. Most of us struggle to sit in a chair by the water for 20 minutes reading a book (which is still technically doing something!), let alone sitting back and basking in God’s love.
Forgiveness
An even more common reason people don’t sit and bask in His love, in my personal and professional experience, is the issue of not forgiving ourselves. We are not condemned in Christ. But we are condemned in self. I can be horrible at forgiving myself when I make mistakes. Especially if they are mistakes that negatively impact another person, like hurting someone I love. I have walked around for
