But If Not. Carson Pue

      Day 58—A Pathway No One Knew

      By Brenda Pue—February 27, 2014 10:53 p.m.

      I was going through my medical file today. Just over one month of testing and diagnosis, etc., has generated a lot of paperwork for this girl. Paperwork is overwhelming to me at the best of times. I’m not a detail person, so it’s not my thing. In fact, my sweet friend Sharon (we also share two grandchildren), who is much better than I am at this sort of thing, was over today, helping me to strategize the management of household affairs. Usually, paperwork has little impact on me at an emotional level. But my medical paperwork has weightiness to it. I wasn’t able to get through it. I literally needed to walk away.

      Then I remembered words that I read early this morning. The psalmist, recounting God’s greatness, says, “Your road led through the sea, your pathway through the mighty waters—a pathway no one knew was there! You led your people along that road like a flock of sheep” (Psalm 77:19–20 NLT).

      The original story about this historical event (found in Exodus) is awesome. I feel like my medical situation is like a personal version of the Israelites’ escape from Egypt, in that when they got to the end of the road, in a seemingly impossible scenario, God made a way, or road, through the Red Sea. No one but God could have come up with solution like that. I am reminded that the God I love found a pathway no one knew was there. I don’t know what my pathway is, but I know He is great at making paths for all of us. That is a great comfort for me, and I hope it is for you too.

      Day 59—Coloured Tears

      By Brenda Pue—February 28, 2014 6:55 p.m.

      Friday night is family night. All 12 of us get together every Friday (this week Great Granny joined us) over a fantastic meal to get caught up with each other, to enjoy each other and to play with all the kids, and once the kids are bedded down for the night, the adults play a game together. Then we talk and pray together.

      This week our whole family is in waiting mode. We are waiting for results from Monday’s lung biopsy, which usually [takes] two weeks. So we talked about this place of waiting. Some of us are glad for a season of lower intensity. Some are finding it to be emotionally hard work. Some of us are trying hard to live one day at a time.

      Jon captured it well. He said, “Generally I feel peaceful and hopeful, but occasionally it’s really hard—often I feel exhausted.” We all still have our tearful moments. As we talked about the kind of tears we are experiencing from time to time, I found myself wishing we all had coloured tears…a different colour for every feeling. I think that God sees our tears that way. He knows exactly what kind of tears we cry. We don’t have to explain it to Him. He just knows.

      It’s just good to be able to go deep with family. We closed our evening in prayer and offered all our emotions and tears to the One who knows us better than we know ourselves. It was the perfect end to a good day.

      Today I came across the following quote that has much truth: “The art of living lies less in eliminating our troubles than in growing with them.”6

      Day 60—It Feels Strange

      By Brenda Pue—March 1, 2014 7:02 p.m.

      Spring is just around the corner in our part of the world. Usually, at this time of year, I start making plans…all kinds of plans. Spring cleaning plans, gardening plans, repairing plans, travel plans, St. Patrick’s Day plans, Easter plans, etc. It’s always an exciting time of year for me.

      I realized today, though, that I’m not making my usual plans. My focus is completely altered this year. All of my energy and focus, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, is headed in a different direction. I can honestly say this is a first for me. It feels so strange.

      But God is calling me to something new. I now realize that He does this. As I read about great heroes of the faith, God always called them to new unknowns. It must’ve felt strange and frightening for them too. As I ponder why God does this, I believe it has lots to do with trust.