You know, I might look licked, but you really look like shit.
FLOYD
And what the hell are you, a goddamn underwear model?
MOOCH
No, I’m serious; you’re more miserable-looking than usual.
George, don’t you think he looks more miserable than usual.
GEORGE
Let’s look. Oh yeah.
MOOCH
Are you on your moon time too? ’Cause you know, men get their moon time too, eh. It’s whatcha call it … whore-moan-all, ain’t that right, George?
GEORGE
Oh yeah. Me, I get my period and everything. Bleed right out my arsehole.
FLOYD
Bullshit—that’s your piles bleeding!
GEORGE
I get rank too; stink like a bull elk in full rut.
MOOCH
Like right now?
GEORGE
Worse.
MOOCH
Nice!
GEORGE
We gonna go hunting this year, Floyd?
FLOYD
Hunting? With you? You might blow my goddamn head off.
GEORGE
C’mon, me and Mooch went last year. Mooch got that little two-point, isn’t that right, Mooch.
FLOYD
You went hunting with this crazy Shum’ma?
MOOCH
Him? Oh yeah. We hunted.
FLOYD grunts.
MOOCH
We went up the lake there just road hunting, eh. We’re going around the far end there and I tell him, “STOP! Right there! Right there!”
MOOCH points to an imaginary deer.
MOOCH
He hits the brakes, my goddamn head almost went through the windshield.
He indicates antlers with his hands.
MOOCH
Two-point buck right on the road at Dead Lake, there. So we jump out, I lean up on the truck, eh. Crazy Shum’ma jumps right in front of me. BOOM!
I almost took his goddamn head off.
FLOYD
That’s why I don’t want to hunt with you. You get that buck fever.
GEORGE
Ah bullshit.
FLOYD
You get so worked up you forget yourself. Your heart thumps in your chest, you can’t hear nothing, your asshole puckers up, your pecker gets hard and your eyeballs pop right out of your head; all because of that an-drenaline, eh, rushing through your veins, and all you can think about is shooting that buck. And then next thing you know—
MOOCH
Somebody’s goddamn head is blown off.
FLOYD
(reinforcing) Somebody’s goddamn head is blown off.
GEORGE
I guess that’s a no, eh?
MOOCH
You’re one to talk. You almost blew my head off that one time.
FLOYD
When?
MOOCH
That one time up High Mountain there …
FLOYD
That wasn’t buck fever … you ducked.
MOOCH
Hey, remember that time we were out road hunting and drinking all day, you picked a fight with … what’s his name … he’s dead now … anyways, you got licked, remember?
FLOYD
No.
MOOCH
C’mon, you remember.
FLOYD
I’m supposed remember some time I got licked by some dead guy while I was drunk, sometime in the long-ago past. What the hell kind of a question is that?
MOOCH
You know! That time we were on a bender and you passed out on the table there, all bloodied up.
GEORGE brings the pitcher over.
GEORGE
Oh, well that narrows it down.
MOOCH
Remember?
FLOYD
No.
MOOCH
Well I guess not. You were passed out on the bar.
FLOYD
Jeez-us Mooch, what’s your point?
MOOCH
Who took care of you? Who?
FLOYD
Ah Christ, here we go.
MOOCH
I did. You know why? Because we’re partners! I drug you outside so George could clean up the mess you made. In-it, George?! I even put you in a safe place so no one would roll you.
FLOYD
Where?
MOOCH
Anything
