to seven.
lord caversham
Well, make it Tuesday, sir, make it Tuesday.
lord goring
But it is after seven, father, and my doctor says I must not have any serious conversation after seven. It makes me talk in my sleep.
lord caversham
Talk in your sleep, sir? What does that matter? You are not married.
lord goring
No, father, I am not married.
lord caversham
Hum! That is what I have come to talk to you about, sir. You have got to get married, and at ·129· once. Why, when I was your age, sir, I had been an inconsolable widower for three months, and was already paying my addresses to your admirable mother. Damme, sir, it is your duty to get married. You can’t be always living for pleasure. Every man of position is married nowadays. Bachelors are not fashionable any more. They are a damaged lot. Too much is known about them. You must get a wife, sir. Look where your friend Robert Chiltern has got to by probity, hard work, and a sensible marriage with a good woman. Why don’t you imitate him, sir? Why don’t you take him for your model?
lord goring
I think I shall, father.
lord caversham
I wish you would, sir. Then I should be happy. At present I make your mother’s life miserable on your account. You are heartless, sir, quite heartless.
lord goring
I hope not, father.
lord caversham
And it is high time for you to get married. You are thirty-four years of age, sir.
lord goring
Yes, father, but I only admit to thirty-two—thirty-one and a half when I have a really good buttonhole. This ·130· buttonhole is not … trivial enough.
lord caversham
I tell you you are thirty-four, sir. And there is a draught in your room, besides, which makes your conduct worse. Why did you tell me there was no draught, sir? I feel a draught, sir, I feel it distinctly.
lord goring
So do I, father. It is a dreadful draught. I will come and see you to-morrow, father. We can talk over anything you like. Let me help you on with your cloak, father.
lord caversham
No, sir; I have called this evening for a definite purpose, and I am going to see it through at all costs to my health or yours. Put down my cloak, sir.
lord goring
Certainly, father. But let us go into another room. [Rings bell.] There is a dreadful draught here. [Enter Phipps.] Phipps, is there a good fire in the smoking-room?
phipps
Yes, my lord.
·131· lord goring
Come in there, father. Your sneezes are quite heart-rending.
lord caversham
Well, sir, I suppose I have a right to sneeze when I choose?
lord goring
[Apologetically.] Quite so, father. I was merely expressing sympathy.
lord caversham
Oh, damn sympathy. There is a great deal too much of that sort of thing going on nowadays.
lord goring
I quite agree with you, father. If there was less sympathy in the world there would be less trouble in the world.
lord caversham
[Going towards the smoking-room.] That is a paradox, sir. I hate paradoxes.
lord goring
So do I, father. Everybody one meets is a paradox nowadays. It is a great bore. It makes society so obvious.
·132· lord caversham
[Turning round, and looking at his son beneath his bushy eyebrows.] Do you always really understand what you say, sir?
lord goring
[After some hesitation.] Yes, father, if I listen attentively.
lord caversham
[Indignantly.] If you listen attentively! … Conceited young puppy!
[Goes off grumbling into the smoking-room. Phipps enters.]
lord goring
Phipps, there is a lady coming to see me this evening on particular business. Show her into the drawing-room when she arrives. You understand?
phipps
Yes, my lord.
lord goring
It is a matter of the gravest importance, Phipps.
phipps
I understand, my lord.
·133· lord goring
No one else is to be admitted, under any circumstances.
phipps
I understand, my lord. [Bell rings.]
lord goring
Ah! that is probably the lady. I shall see her myself.
[Just as he is going towards the door Lord Caversham enters from the smoking-room.]
lord caversham
Well, sir? am I to wait attendance on you?
lord goring
[Considerably perplexed.] In a moment, father. Do excuse me. [Lord Caversham goes back.] Well, remember my instructions, Phipps—into that room.
phipps
Yes, my lord.
[Lord Goring goes into the smoking-room. Harold, the footman, shows Mrs. Cheveley in. Lamia-like, she is in green and silver. She has a cloak of black satin, lined with dead rose-leaf silk.]
·134· harold
What name, madam?
mrs.
