few specific cases (circumcision, for example), the terms are interchangeable.
Your Partner in Parenting
In much the same way that calling all babies “he” discounts the experience of all the “shes” out there, calling all mothers “wives” essentially denies the existence of the many, many other women who have children: girlfriends, lovers, live-in companions, fiancées, and so on. So, to keep from making any kind of statement about the importance (or lack of importance, depending on how you feel) of marriage, I refer to the mother of your child as “your partner,” just as I did in The Expectant Father: The Ultimate Guide for Dads-to-Be.
IF SOME OF THIS SOUNDS A LITTLE FAMILIAR …
If you read The Expectant Father (and if you didn’t, it’s not too late), you may notice that there’s a little bit of overlap between the end of that book and the early part of this book. I assure you that this repetition of material is less the result of laziness on my part than of the necessity born of having to cover several of the same important topics in both books. After all, the birth that ends a pregnancy is the same one that launches a childhood.
WHAT THIS BOOK ISN’T
While there’s no doubt that this book is filled with information you can’t get anywhere else, it is not intended to take the place of your pediatrician, financial planner, or lawyer. Naturally, I wouldn’t suggest that you do anything I wouldn’t do (or haven’t done already). Still, before blindly following my advice, please save us both a lot of unnecessary worry, and check with an appropriate professional.
Congratulations, You’re a Dad!
WHAT’S GOING ON WITH THE BABY
Physically
• Although most of your newborn’s physical capabilities are run by a series of reflexes (see pages 60–61), she does have some control over her tiny body.
• She can focus her eyes—for a few seconds, at least—on an object held 8–12 inches from her face, and she may be able to move her head from side to side.
• She probably won’t eat much for the first 24 hours, but after that, she’ll want 7–8 feedings each day. In between all those meals, she’ll try to suck on anything that comes near her mouth.
• At around 40 breaths and 120 heartbeats/minute, her metabolism is zipping along about twice as fast as yours.
• Her intestines are moving even faster: she’ll urinate as many as 18 times and move those brand-new bowels 4–7 times every 24 hours.
• To help her recover from all that activity, she’ll spend 80–90 percent of her time asleep, taking as many as 8 naps a day. Some babies, though, sleep as few as 8 hours.
Intellectually
• Right from birth, your baby is capable of making a number of intellectual decisions.
• If she hears a sound, she can tell whether it’s coming from the right, the left, straight ahead, or even behind.
• She can distinguish between sweet and sour (preferring sweet, like most of us).
• She also has a highly developed sense of smell. Before the end of this week, she’ll be able to tell the difference between a pad sprinkled with her own mother’s milk and one from another nursing mother.
• Although her eyes may seem to work independently of each other, she likes looking at things, preferring simple patterns to complex ones and the borders of objects (such as your jaw or hairline) to the inner details (mouth and nose).
• She can’t, however, differentiate herself from the other objects in her world. If she grasps your hand, for example, her little brain doesn’t know whether she’s holding her own hand or yours—or, for that matter, that those things on the ends of her arms even belong to her.
Verbally
• At this point, most of the vocal sounds your baby produces will be cries or animal-like grunts, snorts, and squeaks.
Emotionally/Socially
• Although she’s alert and comfortable for only 30 or so minutes out of every 4 hours, your baby comes prewired to connect with you. Within a few hours (or days at most), she’ll follow your gaze and try to mimic your facial expressions. And she prefers looking at a drawing of a face to one with the features scrambled.
• When she hears a voice or other noise—especially your partner’s or yours (although it could also be a faucet dripping or a heavy metal band)—she may become quiet and try to focus.
• She’s capable of showing excitement and distress, and will probably quiet down when you pick her up. She’s also capable of expressing empathy for others (we’ll talk more about that in later chapters).
WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOUR PARTNER
Physically
• Vaginal discharge (called lochia) that will gradually change from bloody to pink to brown to yellow over the next six weeks or so.
• Major discomfort if there is an episiotomy or C-section incision (the pain will disappear over the next six weeks).
• Constipation.
• Breast discomfort—starting on about the third day after the birth (when her breasts become engorged with milk), and as soon as she starts breastfeeding, her nipples will probably be sore for about two weeks.
• Gradual weight loss.
• Exhaustion—especially if her labor was long and difficult.
• Continued contractions, especially while breastfeeding, but disappearing gradually over the next several days.
• Hair loss. Most women stop losing hair while they’re pregnant, but when the pregnancy’s over, so are all those great-hair days.
Emotionally
• Relief that it’s finally over.
• Excitement, depression, or both (see pages 59, 62–63).
• Worry about how she’ll perform as a mother, and whether she’ll be able to breastfeed. But as her confidence builds over the next few weeks, those worries should disappear.
• A deep need to get to know the baby.
• Impatience at her lack of mobility.
• Decreased sex drive, assuming she had any left before the baby came.
WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH
Congratulations, You’re a Dad!
Well,
