percent of the parents from the Wright and Flynn study said that they experienced emotional drain, tension and stress as a result of the adoption, but a majority reporting stress did not regret their decision to adopt.6
Many of the teens surveyed for the Wright and Flynn study considered their adoption a success because there was a feeling of family normalcy.7 Like the parents interviewed for the study, many of the teens also attributed success to their commitment to the parent-child relationship. In this study, 95 percent of the teens interviewed said that, in retrospect, adoption was the right choice. Eighty-six percent of the teens rated their adoption between seven and ten on a scale of one to ten, with ten being the highest ranking.
Wright and Flynn asked the teens to describe the worst aspect of adoption and many said missing biological family members and conflicts with their adoptive parents about rules and punishment. When asked what advice they would give other teens considering adoption, several recommended that others carefully consider their compatibility with a prospective adoptive parent or parents.
We asked several adoptive parents what the most rewarding aspect of adoption had been for them. One mother of three children with special medical needs said, “It is amazing to give a real life to children who otherwise will never have one—real siblings, love and nutrition.”
A parent of a girl with blindness and other special needs adopted at the age of four from Ukraine replied, “Seeing our girl grow and heal…and just the honor of being her parents.”
A third parent who, with her spouse, adopted an eight-year-old boy from foster care, replied: “The most rewarding part [of adopting] is seeing how far he’s come. He was in thirteen homes before ours, including three pre-adoptive homes which he had to leave due to his behavior. One former foster mom who we are still in contact with says she is still his “Nana” and tells me frequently that she can’t believe how well he is doing. She is a very experienced foster parent (having parented over one hundred kids), so that means a lot. “I would adopt my son again—it was worth all the hard work we put in to see how he is now and the awesome young man he is becoming.”
YOU’VE DECIDED TO ADOPT AN OLDER CHILD; NOW WHAT?
After you’ve done your research and have decided older child adoption is right for you and your family, you need to decide whether to adopt domestically or internationally, what type of agency you want to work with and what type of child (age, needs, background, nationality) you want to adopt. There are some factors to help you decide whether US or international adoption is best for you.
| DOMESTIC OLDER CHILD ADOPTION | INTERNATIONAL OLDER CHILD ADOPTION |
| Very inexpensive, public subsidies available | Agency fees are higher and no public subsidies from county or state |
| Possible contact with biological family | Most likely no contact with biological family |
| Adequate information about child’s biological family and family history | May not receive accurate (or any) information about child’s biological family or family history |
| Easy to get information about US child welfare system | Foreign child welfare systems confusing; must work with foreign agencies |
| Follow-up visits from agency to see how family is adjusting | May not receive follow-up visits or adequate post-adoption support from agency |
| Adequate background information about child’s medical history | Often cannot obtain accurate birth records or information about child’s medical history |
| You may be able to adopt a child from the same racial or ethnic background as you | All adoptions will be transcultural and/or transracial |
| May adopt from home county or state | Will need to travel a great distance to adopt your child, will need to pay travel costs and take time off from work to process the adoption abroad |
| Post-adoption services available through county or state | Agency may not offer adequate post-adoption services for families adopting internationally |
| No post-adoption self-reporting requirements | May need to submit follow-up reports to foreign agency or government |
| Waiting time for pre-adoptive training and home study may be lengthy | Agency may be more parent-friendly; waiting time for training and home study is minimal |
In the United States, older children, especially those over the age of ten who are legally free for adoption, may wait for years to find a forever family and, sadly, many of those waiting will never find one. Special needs children from abroad, those who are older or who have health problems also may wait years to find a family to love them. This is why it is so important for prospective adoptive parents to understand how welcome they are to adopt an older child and just how much they are needed. The beauty of older child adoption is that parents from varying backgrounds, ages, ethnicities and sexual orientations are welcome to adopt. While prospective older parents, single parents or those with limited financial means may face challenges adopting an infant, they will encounter fewer problems adopting older children. Likewise, gays and lesbians may face challenges adopting an infant in the United States but are welcome by many public agencies to adopt an older child. Their ease in adopting an older child will depend, however, on agency culture and state laws. For gays and lesbians, adopting internationally is a different story which we will discuss later.
Waiting children, particularly older ones, will be asked by their caseworkers what type of family situation might work best for them in terms of family structure and location. A teen may be interested in being adopted by a married couple rather than a single parent or by adoptive parents who do not have any other children; sibling groups may only want to be adopted together. Furthermore, a child may prefer prospective parents in a particular geographic location so they can maintain contact with biological family members, their foster family or friends.
Laws regarding the age above which a legally free child must consent to be adopted by particular prospective parents vary state by state. There is the chance that after visits with a prospective family, or even living with them for several months, a child will decline to be adopted.
PROSPECTIVE OLDER ADOPTIVE PARENTS
Adoptions through the American child welfare system by older adults have increased over the past decades. As Americans live longer, middle age and beyond is no longer considered too late for parenting. Members of the baby-boomer generation are more active in their senior years than most generations that have come before them. They are starting new careers, going to school and developing new businesses, so why not start a new family?
Older adults may be more emotionally and financially ready to parent compared to when they were in their twenties and thirties. Adults over the age of fifty may even be interested in raising adopted children after their biological children are grown and have left home. Some, never having had biological children, may fulfill their dreams of raising children long after their childbearing years have passed. The child welfare system provides older adults an opportunity to become parents, whereas the private system of infant adoption is no longer an option due to age requirements set by most private agencies.
There are upper age limits on infant adoption, because private agencies want to ensure adoptive parents are healthy enough to parent a young child. Generally there are no maximum age requirements for domestic older child adoption because agencies want to expand their pool of prospective parents. Also, older parents may have years of parenting experience behind them, making them excellent applicants
