a robust social life, retirement can lead to long hours of loneliness. This can readily be abated with the companionship of a faithful animal friend or even a few. The petting of a dog or cat can bring calm and has been reported to lower blood pressure. An old adage states that “Anyone who doesn’t think you can buy love has never visited a pet store.” To couples who are suffering from “empty nest syndrome,” the adoption of an affectionate animal can, in some way, impart a feeling of substitution to soothe parental needs. Walking and romping with a dog can reprise earlier adventures of pleasure and joy and aid in recapturing the carefree attitude of long ago. A loving pet, for many, can be a suitable companion during retirement.
WISH-FULFILLMENT
Recently much media attention has been drawn to the “bucket list” or the things we want to do before we die, perhaps unusual experiences we had no time for or frankly were too ashamed or too fearful to attempt before. Well, retirement is a time of bravery, a time to set shame aside, a time of adventure, to be free enough to go where you have not dared to go before. You no longer have to worry about what others may think or say. If you have had a previously hidden desire to do something, go ahead and do it. There is no longer anything or anyone to fear, no scolding or meaningful retribution for any legal undertaking that doesn’t harm someone else.
Be brave enough to fulfill your heart’s desire. Retirement is the perfect time to set aside previous inhibitions.
CONTEMPLATION
With added free time, it is only natural to expect that there will be periods spent away from other people by oneself. Existential philosophers have decried the absence of self-awareness in modern society. People are generally so involved with their work and others that there remains little time and effort spent in self-examination. Many go through life not truly knowing themselves, what they want, what they like and what their potentials really are. Some spend a lifetime pleasing others and becoming what other people want them to be. They never truly find themselves and never understand who they really are. Retirement can be a time to rectify this absence of self-awareness, a time to find oneself, to no longer just be what one does, but to learn who one is. What are your true wants and desires, not the ones you have been indoctrinated into? The finding of oneself is necessary to complete the personality and gain perspective on the requirements for the pursuit of happiness.
LANGUAGE
It has often been said that communication is the basis of all lasting relationships and the basic ingredient of communication between people is still language. Despite all of the relatively recent advancements in electronic devices with their unique vernacular inventions, no matter what the form it’s still just a modification of language. How one speaks and addresses others may go a long way to define the nature of relationships formed prior to and during the retirement phase of life. If you have had difficulties in previous interpersonal doings with other people, perhaps a reassessment of the status of your communicating skills should be undertaken. If you have been a boss and are used to giving orders, understand that your peers are no longer underlings and a different tone and demeanor is now more proper. A demanding stature often causes rebellion and resultant dissent. In a time of greater relaxation and with less need for competition, the rule should be to moderate language vehemence and invoke a sense of kindness and compassion in all wordage.
In general, you should realize that you are no longer experiencing the stress of previous competitive existence and can afford to be more generous and benevolent in your endeavors. This is best expressed in the modulation of speech to convey the concern you have for other people and for their points of view. Even if you feel that your educational or life experience superiority places your opinion above that of another, treat the exuberance and brashness of someone junior to you with the same respect you would wish for yourself. Retirement should be a period of a newfound kindness, perhaps one you have never exhibited before. Remember that “goodness is its own reward” and it pays multiple dividends in advanced age. Speak softly, give advice to others and reap the respect you deserve.
FORGIVENESS
It has been suggested that maturity comes when one forgives one’s parents. You mature by forgiving the insults of childhood. In the course of a lifetime a person encounters many painful unpleasantries perpetrated by unthinking or uncaring individuals, some malicious, others unintended but just as hurtful. Over the years, resentments build up. If the insults come from those with sufficient authority to prevent adequate response, it is only natural that significant resentment will occur. If this happens with great frequency, resentment will increase to hatred. Many grow to hate those whom they should normally love or at least like or admire. These painful memories can fester for many years and sometimes transcend death. The pain is deepest when the perceived perpetrator is a person who should have been a protector and guardian against such afflictions. The frustration can build up to a point where the negativity overwhelms the personality and by ego projection the traits of mistrust and unpleasantness are felt by others. Behind every mean and nasty individual there is a story of mistreatment of some kind. Viciousness begets viciousness. This demands that the golden rule of treating everyone like you would like to be treated yourself should be the basis of civilized behavior. However, as we have all experienced, this is not always the case.
The relative tranquility of the retired state is the perfect time to reassess the inner disturbances of long-held feelings of anger and frustration and the desire for the now usually impossible retribution against those who we feel have wronged us. This is a time to forgive even that which we cannot forget and to rise above all the painful memories, to aspire to a level to which we could not ascend before.
Let us also recall that the last years are those that may take us closer to whatever maker we believe in. If there is a life hereafter, as many believe, let us not bring our hatred and animosities with us into whatever further existence awaits us. Let us clear our consciences of the venom of the unforgiving. Retirement should begin with a clean slate, unencumbered by the negativity of the past, to be that successful and truly happy period we all deserve.
SIMPLIFICATION
The best avenue to take to an easy transition into a retired state is the simplest one. Get rid of all the unnecessary accoutrements of what you have experienced previously. Reduce numerous homes to just one or two at most. Replace a large house with a smaller one which requires less upkeep. Reduce or totally eliminate house staff. Find ways to save on expenses. If you have to retire on a tight budget, make a list of all non-essential expenditures and stop making purchases you can no longer afford. Living within your means is the hallmark of adequate preparation and execution of retirement. Giving up unneeded luxuries is the price that needs to be paid for the freedom of a low-income retirement.
Hopefully, the readers of this book will heed the advice imparted herein and will not need to sacrifice at all, but be able to maintain the same standard of living or even better in retirement as before. This should be possible for a great majority of middle-income individuals who begin to implement the formulas outlined in this book at a relatively young age. Adequate preparation is the key to a carefree retirement.
ANATOMY
During the course of over forty years of listening to patients in psychotherapy and psychoanalysis sessions I have heard many
